I'll Stop the World (73)

Lisa forced a smile, trying not to let the ache in her heart bleed through. “I have something for you.”

At that, Charlene’s eyes bounced up to her face, her expression wary. “Lisa, I told you, I don’t think—”

“Just look at it, okay?” Lisa’s heart pounded. Her idea had seemed so romantic when it first occurred to her, but now she wondered if it was just stupid.

She gestured to the white wicker patio set beside the front door, where a perfectly round head of iceberg lettuce sat in the center of the table.

Charlene blinked at it for a second, her mouth twitching. Did she love it? Hate it?

Oh no. Did she not even get it?

“It’s lettuce,” Lisa said, feeling ridiculous. This was such a bad idea.

“I can see that.”

Lisa cleared her throat. Bad idea or not, she was in it now. No choice but to keep moving forward. “Can we talk? Just for a minute?”

Charlene nodded, and they sat across from each other at the table, the lettuce between them. Lisa imagined she could see a face in the leaves, taunting her. “Um, so I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said on Saturday,” she started. She risked reaching across the table and lightly touching the back of Charlene’s hand with her fingers. Charlene stiffened, but didn’t pull away. “And I miss you, Char,” Lisa said.

Charlene nodded, her chin trembling slightly. “Me too,” she whispered. She didn’t look at Lisa, but stared intently at the head of lettuce, as if it might hold the answers they were both looking for.

“I want to fix us.”

“I do, too. It’s just—” Charlene sighed, pulling her hands away and dropping them into her lap. “Everything I said on Saturday is still true. I know you’re not ready to tell everyone yet, and that’s fine. I’m not either. You know how my parents would be.”

“Mine too,” Lisa agreed. “My mom actually told me yesterday that she doesn’t want me to be seen in public with you anymore until after the election.”

Charlene nodded. “Mine said the same thing.”

“Yesterday?”

“No, a while ago.”

“Oh.” That was good, right? That Charlene had kept hanging out with her even after her parents had told her not to? Then again, maybe it wasn’t, since Charlene hadn’t bothered to tell her.

Still, Lisa opted for the optimistic interpretation. “Well, thanks for not ditching me.”

Charlene looked at her hands uncomfortably, giving a little shrug. Here, there weren’t any of the distractions of school that could help them fake normalcy. Lisa hadn’t been prepared for just how awkward it would be. And that damned lettuce kept making faces at her.

Why had she led with the lettuce?

“But I can’t be with you while you’re with someone else,” Charlene continued. “Even if it’s not real for you, it’s real for him. It’s too much for me, Lees.”

“I know.” Lisa took a deep breath, her heart racing. “That’s what I came to talk to you about. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I think . . . I think I’m ready to tell him.”

Charlene’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Lisa swallowed, nodding. “Yeah. I don’t know if I’m ready for anyone else to know. But I think he’d keep it a secret if I asked him. And you’re right. It’s not fair to keep letting him wait for me when I know I’m not going to feel what he wants me to feel.”

Charlene bit her lip, her hand going to her necklace. “Are you going to tell him about me?”

“That’s why I came over here today. I wanted to ask what you wanted me to do. I can just tell him about me, if you’d be more comfortable with that.”

Lisa watched her closely, trying to tell what she was thinking. She knew—or at least thought she knew—that she could trust Shawn not to tell anyone, but just because she believed that didn’t mean Charlene would. Would Lisa be telling Shawn the story of an I, or the story of a we?

Whatever Charlene decided, Lisa hoped desperately that they were still a we.

Charlene kept her eyes downcast, focused on a spot on the table as she pulled the locket back and forth on its chain. Lisa wanted to move around to the other side of the table, slide her chair alongside Charlene’s so she could put her arms around her, but she held herself back. Charlene had been the one to put up the boundary between them; only she could take it down.

“Okay,” Charlene said at last. “You can tell him about me. About us.”

Lisa couldn’t keep the grin from her face. “Really?”

Charlene nodded. “And then I guess we’ll go from there.” She met Lisa’s eyes, a smile creeping back onto her own face, and placed one of her hands on the table, palm up. Lisa reached across and took it in both of hers, squeezing tight.

She’d missed being able to touch her. Her heart attempted to fly out of her chest.

“I like the lettuce,” Charlene said, rubbing her thumb over Lisa’s fingers.

Lisa laughed. “I’m so sorry. I thought it would be romantic.”

“It is romantic,” Charlene said, picking it up with her free hand and admiring it. “I hereby name it Casanova.”

Lisa snorted. “You’re giving it a name?”