I Wish You All the Best(67)

Me: They don’t know what you look like.

Nathan: Still!

Me: This isn’t a sting operation or anything.



“Well, hello.”

I jump in my seat and nearly let my phone clatter to the floor before I grab it at the last second. It’s my parents, standing there, smiles on their faces as they look down at me.

“Hi,” I say, unsure if I should stand up or not.

I stay seated, and the two of them follow after a few beats of awkward silence. My phone vibrates again, but I ignore it. Probably just Nathan.

“You’ve let your hair get too long” is the first thing Dad says.

“I like it this way,” I say, touching the ends. It’s not quite to my shoulders yet, but Sophie says I’m like a walking stalk of broccoli.

Meleika said cauliflower, because of how pale I am.

“It gets all matted and tangled though.” Mom reaches across the table, but I lean back, avoiding her perfectly manicured nails.

“Let’s get to the point,” I say. “You two wanted to talk, right? Isn’t that why we’re here?”

“Well, not if you’re going to have an attitude,” Dad mutters in that kind of way so he knows I’ll hear it.

“I don’t have an attitude.” I cross my arms. “What did you two want to discuss?”

“How are you doing?” Mom asks.

“Fine.”

“How is your sister?”

“She’s fine.” Not that either of them actually care. “She and Thomas have been really good to me.”

I see a bit of pain flash over both of their faces, that little bit of guilt, as if they forgot they’d kicked me out. I hate that I feel a little proud of the moment, that it’s my turn to hurt them.

“And school?” Dad asks. “You’re keeping your grades up, right? Your exams must be coming up soon.”

“Yeah, but I’m passing all my classes.” I sink back into my chair, guilt creeping up my spine.

“That’s great!” Mom smiles a bit too widely, then she reaches into her purse. “You know we got a few replies back, from schools.” She slides the thick bundle of envelopes over to me. Some of them are open, some aren’t. “You got into State, but UNC said no.”

“Huh.” I flip through them, staring at the names of the schools and the envelopes decorated with their colors. “That’s fine. I’m not going to college anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Dad asks. “Of course you’re going to school.”

“I don’t want to.” I slide the letters back to Mom.

“Is it because of Hannah? We can afford to send you to school, you don’t have to rely on your sister anymore,” Dad says, almost like he’s proud of himself.

“Actually, Hannah and I have already had that talk, and she told me it wouldn’t be any trouble. I just don’t want to go.”

“Ben—” Mom starts to say, but Dad puts a hand on her arm and that stops her.

“We’ll discuss that later,” he says.

“What did you want to talk about?” I ask again. “Stop avoiding the question.”

“Well.” Mom presses her hands together. “We wanted to talk with you more about this whole ‘being nonbinary’ thing.”

It’s awfully strange hearing my mother actually say the word “nonbinary” aloud. It doesn’t really belong, like it’s the kind of word you’d never expect someone like her to know. “Okay.” I lean forward a little. Maybe this won’t be as bad as I thought.

“We, um … We’re just confused.” Mom tries to relax. “So, we tried to find things online, and that didn’t really help us.”

“And?” I look at the two of them.

“Honey.” Mom sighs. “We tried, we really did. We’re still trying to wrap our heads around it.”

“It’s not exactly theoretical physics,” I say. “I don’t identify as male or female, I fall outside the gender binary. I use they/them pronouns.” I keep my voice low so Nathan won’t hear me. I doubt he could anyway, all the way across the restaurant, but you never know.

“Well, son, you have to admit that it’s all very strange,” Dad says. I can’t tell if the “son” is deliberate or not.

“I’m not your ‘son,’” I say. “And what’s so strange about it? This is just who I am. Why can’t you two understand that?”

“Are you sure you aren’t just confused?” Dad asks. “Maybe you’re just gay or something and this has just been a difficult time for you?”

Dad makes “gay” sound like an insult.

“Being gay and being nonbinary are two different things!” I should know; I spent enough time having to tell myself that.

Mom looks taken aback for a second.

And Dad looks furious. Always the dramatic one. “Benjamin De Backer, don’t you take that tone with us, we’re your parents.”

“Well, how am I supposed to sound? You two are sitting here insulting me.”

Dad pinches the bridge of his nose and waves his hand around. “Okay, let’s start over.”

“Tell me one thing, what was the goal here? Why did you two want to talk after what happened?”