I Wish You All the Best(64)

We look at each other for just a beat too long. “Well, I guess I’ll see you in Chem.”

It’s a decent distraction from Mom and Dad, at least for a little while. But there’s still this gnawing at me. Maybe I should meet with them, just to hear what they have to say. Realistically, I don’t think I could ever go back to their house, but just because they messed up once doesn’t mean we can’t fix what’s left between us.

Right?

Hannah won’t be too pleased, but maybe she’ll understand, and maybe this will be her shot too. It won’t be perfect, but maybe we’ll get to be a happy family one day.



“How was the rest of your break, Ben?” Dr. Taylor asks me when we’re both seated in her office. The door closed, that wall between me and Hannah up.

“Good.” I feel myself relax on the ugly yellow couch. Things are definitely getting easier with Dr. Taylor. I don’t mind the appointments nowadays, and I think they’re actually helping me. “I didn’t do much, I hung out with my friend Nathan a little,” I say. “How was yours?”

“Oh, well.” Dr. Taylor chuckles. “Unfortunately, I don’t get much of a break, but my daughter was excited. I took a few days off and we went down to South Carolina to see my parents.”

“That sounds nice,” I say. I think this is actually the first time I’ve heard Dr. Taylor mention family. There’s something sort of neat about it, imagining this whole life she has that I don’t even know about.

“Is there anything specific you wanted to start the session with, Ben?” she asks.

“Actually, yeah. I really wanted to talk about something that happened.”

“Okay.” She clicks her pen, always at the ready. “Go ahead.”

“I found a message from my mother, on Facebook. It’s a few months old at this point, but the other night I was talking with my friend. He knows I was kicked out, and it got me thinking about what they’d been doing since I left.”

Dr. Taylor hangs on to my every word. I mean, she always does that, but there’s something different in her expression now.

“My mom apologized, she wanted to see if I would meet with her and Dad so we could talk.” I pull out my phone and bring up the message, letting Dr. Taylor read over it quickly.

“I see, and how did it feel, seeing that?”

“It was … weird. I felt sort of numb.”

“Do you think she really means it?” Dr. Taylor gives my phone back. “The apology?”

“I don’t really know, I guess it’s hard to tell over the message. Besides, it’s so old, who knows if they feel the same way now.”

“Have you thought about telling Hannah?”

“Oh God, no, that wouldn’t be pretty,” I say a little more loudly than I probably should.

Dr. Taylor actually chuckles a bit, which makes me feel better. “So, do you want to meet with them?”

“That was what I wanted to ask you. If you thought it was a good idea.”

“Well.” She lets out a slow breath. “That can be a tricky question. On the one hand, you want to hear them out, don’t you?”

I nod.

“And on the other,” she continues, “was their behavior really something you could see forgiving?”

“I’m not sure.” I don’t want to think back to that night, but I can’t help it. So cold, so alone, scared out of my freaking mind. And all because of them. “I want to think they’ve changed, but I don’t want to open myself up like that again.”

“It’s a scary thought.” Dr. Taylor sighs. “Honestly, I’m not comfortable suggesting you go. You’ve made a lot of progress, Ben, and seeing them again could potentially undo months of work on your part.”

I sigh. I figured she’d say that. And it does make sense. Hell, the night they showed up at Hannah’s should be enough to convince me to just ignore the message. Delete my Facebook so they can’t contact me again.

But they know where Hannah lives. They know where I am. So if I just delete my Facebook, there’s still the chance they’ll just show up on her doorstep one day. And them showing up unannounced won’t be pretty.

“At the end of the day, it’s your call, Ben. I can’t stop you.”

“Hannah would go ballistic if she ever found out,” I say.

“And that’s her battle to fight, not yours. Maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps this could be a healing thing? Maybe it will bring all four of you together.”

“You think?”

“I don’t know for certain. I can’t promise you’ll meet with them and everything will have magically changed, and they’ll be as accepting and loving as you’d dream they’d be.”

“Right.” I feel my stomach lurch. “I think I want to try.”

Dr. Taylor nods her head slightly. “Can I offer some advice?”

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” I try to laugh.

“True.” Dr. Taylor shows off her bright smile. “If this is something you decide to do, maybe you should have a friend with you. This boy from school maybe?”

“I don’t know if I can do that. I’m not out to him yet.”