I Wish You All the Best(29)

“That’s okay.” Dr. Taylor sighs. “I want to ask you about your coming out. We can skip over that for now if you aren’t comfortable, but it’s something I’m very interested in talking about with you.”

“I … okay?”

“You’re fine with that?”

“I guess.”

“What made you want to come out to your parents?”

“I wanted them to know, I didn’t want to hide such a big part of myself from them.”

“This might sound a little harsh, but did you think what happened would be a possibility?”

I did actually.

Before I was out, when I was planning the whole thing, I couldn’t really see it being all happy and carefree like it was in some of the coming-out videos I’d watched. I’d imagined Mom and Dad might be a little reluctant or confused. And I figured it’d take them a while to get used to the pronouns.

For just a second I considered that they might not like who I am. They didn’t necessarily have the greatest opinion of gay people.

“Your parents, have they exhibited any homophobic or transphobic behavior in the past?”

I nod.

Not a lot, but there were comments here and there. Dad used to throw around the F-word, but that’d died down over the last few years. Maybe part of me thought they’d changed.

“So why come out? Why not wait a few years, maybe until you’re in college or out of the house?” Her question isn’t accusatory. Dr. Taylor isn’t telling me it would’ve been smarter to just wait.

Maybe it would’ve been.

Actually, it definitely would’ve been smarter to wait.

“I wanted them to know. I was tired of constantly living this lie in front of them. And I thought …” I trail off, not sure where my words are going.

“I thought maybe it’d help them change or something.” I don’t really know.

“I see.”

“I should’ve just waited.” I sink back in the couch, not realizing how heated I felt. “Then I wouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe,” Dr. Taylor starts to say. “But don’t you think you deserve to live openly as yourself?”

I don’t say anything. “Do you think what happened was a panic attack?”

Dr. Taylor nods. “Yes. That’s what it sounds like to me.”

“Okay …” I let out a long sigh. “Do you believe me? That it was them?”

“I do, Ben.”

“Why would they show up though? After all that?”

“Well, I don’t want to give them any credit, but maybe they’ve realized their mistake.”

“Seems a little late for that,” I tell her.

Dr. Taylor nods slowly. “That it does.”





Nathan doesn’t beg me to go to lunch with him again for the rest of the week, but I do anyway. Sophie and Meleika are nice, and they sort of act like they’ve known me for years instead of just a few days. But the closer we get to the weekend, the more I worry about tutoring Nathan.

It’s not the actual tutoring that worries me. I think it’s more that it’ll just be the two of us again. It shouldn’t scare me. We’ve been alone before. Or maybe it’s because I don’t know where he wants to do this. He can’t come over to Hannah’s house, and the idea of going over to his, where his parents will probably be, is scary.

I have no idea what I am going to do, so I text the only person who might give me a straightforward answer.

Me: So I need some advice.



Except Mariam must be busy, because I’ve been waiting for their reply for a few hours now. I even go down to the kitchen to grab a bag of Doritos, less because I am actually hungry and more because I just want something to do.

I’m about to give up before the laptop makes the ding!

Mariam: What’s up, buttercup?

Me: it’s a boy.

Mariam: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Me: no, not like that!

Mariam: Okay start from the beginning.

Me: He’s the one who showed me around the school.

Mariam: Nathan? That guy you were telling me about?

Me: Yeah



I feel bad for venting about Nathan behind his back, especially since he’s been nothing but nice to me. But Mariam is always willing to listen to my rants, no matter the subject. One time we spent the entire day arguing back and forth against the need to gender robots in Star Wars.

Mariam: He sounds really nice tbh Me: Sometimes to a fault Mariam: So what’s the issue???

Me: I offered to tutor him.

Mariam: And????

Me: I don’t really know…

Me: He can’t come over here, he doesn’t even know I live with Hannah.

Mariam: And you don’t want to go over to his house?

Me: It makes me nervous.

Mariam: Understandable.

Mariam: Well, what if you went out? Got some lunch or coffee or something? Go to a public place.

Me: I don’t know, this is the first time I’ve done something like this…

Mariam: Your parents didn’t let you go out with friends?

Me: They would… but no one ever really wanted to hang out around me.



I was always seen as that “weird” kid. The one who was too quiet and never wanted to hang out with kids on the playground. That reputation sort of followed me through middle school and right up until I left Wayne High.