How to Kill Men and Get Away With It(53)

‘Probably sunstroke.’ Theo laughs. ‘Skin that white can’t cope.’ He looks at me to check that I’m laughing along with him. ‘Sweet dreams, buddy.’

As Freddie leads Archie below deck, Theo moves in closer to me.

‘So, what is it you do, doll?’

The ice pick is deep in his neck before he finishes his sentence.

‘I kill people,’ I say, as I pull the pick out and watch him slide to the floor, blood pooling around him like an oil slick.

‘He’s out cold down there.’ I hear Freddie’s footsteps as he comes up the stairs, laughing. He sees Theo bleeding out on the deck and me holding the ice pick.

There’s a beautiful moment where our eyes meet and he’s momentarily frozen in horror before he turns to flee. It’s enough time for me to get some ground on him. I catch him as he reaches the last step, and ram the pick into his back, flooring him. As I pull it back out, he swivels around to face me.

‘Why the fuck?’

‘Yeah, I wondered that. You should’ve jumped overboard.

Much better chance of escaping.’

‘Why did you stab me, you mad bitch?’ His voice is little more than a husky growl now. He’s in terrific pain. Good.

‘You fucking know why. You don’t get to drug and gang-rape my friend and continue with your little holiday, you obnoxious prick.’ This time I jab the ice pick right in his jugular and watch him gurgle and clutch at his neck.

Two down.

I’m going to need to clean those stairs off before I accidentally slip on Freddie’s blood and make myself the third.

I step off the boat, untether it and get back on and head to the helm to switch the engine on. It’s been a long time since I’ve piloted a boat, but it turns out it’s like riding a bike. Not literally, obviously.





44


LIBERTY, SOMEWHERE IN THE AEGEAN SEA

I steer the boat away from the island for about half an hour before I turn the engine off and let her drift. It’s really hard work getting massive Theo over the side in one piece. I’m annoyed that I’m not strong enough and have to snap his femurs and humerus bones, before using a broken Veuve bottle to cut through the muscles and stuff.

I reward myself with a glass of Champagne.

It’s equally painful pulling Freddie up the spiral stairs and tipping him over too, but luckily he wasn’t as stacked as Theo and I’m able to get him over the side in one piece.

It’s the blood that proves to be the real problem and, typically for men, there is a distinct lack of cleaning products onboard. There’s some bleach, which I pour over the most stubborn of the stains before scrubbing them but the lovely walnut decking is wrecked. Shame.

And now for number three.

I have a little rummage around in the kitchen Archie so proudly showed me and find what I’m looking for. A perfectly sharp, serrated knife. It’s actually a Sabatier, which gives me a little thrill.

Down in the berth, Archie is just coming round. He’s dazed and confused and seems to think he’s in recovery from an operation. Not yet, buddy. Not yet.

His eye catches mine as I head over to where he’s lying, prone, on the bed.

‘Nurse?’ he says, his voice still thick from the drugs. ‘I’m really not feeling great. Is there a doctor?’

‘I am a doctor, Archie.’ I smile, and sit on the bed. He smiles back, relieved.

I kneel low down by his ankles, his feet in between my thighs. He tries to lift his head up properly, but his neck control is all over the place.

‘What’s that? All over you? It looks like blood.’

‘It is blood.’ His Adam’s apple pulses.

‘Are you hurt?’

‘No, no. I’m fine.’ I smile at him. ‘I had to do some operations.’

He’s not looking quite so relieved now. ‘This is a boat. This is my boat.’

I nod, encouragingly. ‘Yes, I’ve taken us out for a little trip.’

‘Where are Theo and Freddie?’

I shake my head. ‘No. It’s just the two of us. Isn’t that nice?’

Archie, ever ungrateful, clearly doesn’t think this is nice at all and starts to scream.

‘Shhh, shhh,’ I soothe him. ‘We’re miles out. No one will hear.’

I then shift myself further up his body and begin to undo his chinos. As expected, the little blue pill I dropped in his drink earlier has done its job and his penis springs from his pants. He stares at it like he can’t quite believe it himself.

‘What are you doing?’ he asks. Nervous, but intrigued. Does he seriously think that even in this condition, I’d want to fuck him?

‘I’m going to give you the blow job of your life, Archie,’ I say. ‘And before you come I’m going to hop on that beautiful dick so I can feel you fully inside me when you do.’

His eyes look like they’re filling with tears.

‘Of course, I’m not. I’m going to saw your cock off at the base. Then I’m going to watch as you bleed to death from your crotch. And then I’m throwing both you and your rapey dick into the sea. Okay?’

And then I take the knife from behind my back and start hacking away at the base of his penis.

It’s lucky we’re so far out to sea because the screams he makes are real ear-bleeders. I usually enjoy the noises men make while they’re being hacked to pieces, but this is pathetic. I tell him to shut up. He tries to fight me off but he’s still weak from the Ket, not to mention half his cock is hanging off.