How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(63)
Having said all that, I’d like to send major love to all the men and women who bought this book and didn’t feel some type of way taking advice from a South Asian female. I appreciate you seeing me for my intellect and not solely for my skin color or sex. Although let’s be real: my skin color and sex are pretty awesome.
Lastly, no actual pi?atas were hurt in the writing of this chapter.
Preach
Think of one thing you are extremely passionate about and would love to promote to the world. List three ways to do this effectively without bashing anyone.
WE’VE ALL HAD MOMENTS when we’re annoyed at the lack of perfection in our lives or when something doesn’t meet our standards.
Maybe your favorite band is playing a concert and tickets are sold out. You failed your recent math test. You planned a family BBQ and it rained. You saw a brown woman on this book cover and you picked it up thinking I was Mindy Kaling and now you’re utterly disappointed. YOUR LIFE SUCKS.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t. Your life is actually pretty effing awesome, and a real Bawse not only recognizes this but understands how important it is to be grateful and appreciate things.
Right now you might be thinking, “Listen, Mindy imposter, you know nothing about my life, so how can you tell me it’s awesome?” And to you I say, “Your life is a giant photo album and one sucky situation is simply a 4×6.” Even two or three 4×6s don’t make an entire album.
Let’s zoom out for a minute. I know your life is awesome because you’re sitting somewhere, probably in a house or a school, reading this book, which either you bought with your own money or was given to you as a gift. You’re wearing clothes on your body (or maybe not, in which case, me-ow) and you’re probably not starving. I’m going to also take a guess and say you took a shower today and tonight you will sleep in a bed. You may think this is all regular stuff, but don’t make the mistake of assuming that everything you have is dismissible just because you’ve gotten used to it. If you’re going to rate your life, rate the entire thing and don’t be selective.
But I get it—you’re human, and humans get used to things. We get used to the clothes we own, the water we drink, and the clean air we breathe. We forget about our privilege, and in my opinion, that is one of our biggest weaknesses. To be a Bawse, you must constantly remind yourself of all that you have to be grateful for and learn to truly appreciate those things. To do this, you need to rewire your brain. Here are a few ways to go about it:
One of the ways that I’ve been teaching myself to be more grateful is to CALL OUT ALL THE SIMPLE THINGS I usually overlook, saying them out loud. For example, if I’m annoyed about being stuck in traffic, I’ll say, “I’m driving in a car in a beautiful city on a hot summer day.” This sentence prompts me to realize that (a) I’m fortunate enough to have a car, (b) I live in a beautiful city, and (c) I’m really enjoying the weather. Then I take a good look around me and absorb the words I just spoke to myself. To make this a habit, try using this technique even when you’re not annoyed or bothered by something. When I’m out with my friends having a great time, I will say “I’m having fun with my friends and we’re eating a delicious dinner.” When you really pay attention, there is so much to be grateful for. Right now you can say, “I’m in a safe place, reading an awesome book before I eat my lunch.” DANG, you’re blessed!
Sometimes in order to BE GRATEFUL you need to WITNESS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY OF LIVING. It’s heartbreaking to say this, but it’s often hard to understand how blessed you are without realizing how rough some other people have it. After all, you can’t miss what you’ve always had. One day not long ago I was that person on an airplane very annoyed about not having Wi-Fi. I was on a fourteen-hour flight, and instead of getting work done, I had to sleep uncomfortably in a cramped space. Fast-forward twenty-four hours, and I was in the middle of Kenya. On the drive to my camp, I saw little children playing outside their huts wearing torn clothes and worn sandals. When our car drove by they ran to the road in excitement and waved to us with warm smiles. Seeing new people in a moving car was the highlight of their day. After witnessing this, I knew I could never complain about Wi-Fi ever again. Again, I get it—we all live different lives and we’ve come to depend on different standards of living. But sometimes it’s important to put yourself in situations where you get to witness firsthand how blessed you are. You can do this by traveling, watching documentaries, reading a book, or simply viewing a YouTube video. Be aware of your privilege.
If you’re just starting out in your career, getting into a new relationship, or beginning a new chapter in your life, it’s important to PAUSE FOR A MOMENT AND REFLECT on what reaching this milestone means to you. It’s sad to work so hard for something, only to become complacent once you’ve achieved your goal. Don’t let your brain do that! Write yourself a letter or create a video diary reminding your future self how much your past self wanted something. For example, if you’re a college graduate who’s struggling to find a job and is in a really bad financial situation, write yourself a letter that outlines exactly how you feel. Talk about how much a good job would mean to you. Then, down the line, when you land that amazing job (like I know you will, because you’ll work hard for it), read the letter and remember how far you’ve come.