Home Front(134)

KH: Tell me a little bit about what it was like to be a full-time/active-duty soldier and the mother of two boys. Did your kids understand your service? Were they always proud of you?

TB: I was active-duty Army for only a year after the birth of my first child, Matthew. It was hard juggling schedules since my husband was active-duty National Guard. I was in a Medevac unit at the time and we did a lot of shift work, twenty-four hours at a time. I had Andrew, my second son, while I was a “traditional” guardsman—the typical guardsman is known as traditional. That is your “one weekend a month, two weeks in the summer” soldier. Pilots have extra requirements for duty to keep proficient at their flying duties. Luckily I could schedule those based on when I could get childcare. The best part-time job for a stay-at-home mom. I became a full-time Active Guard Reserve, AGR, Soldier when Andrew started school. The timing was perfect. My husband, Bryon, was still AGR and scheduling could still be difficult, but it was much more manageable. We had a lot of support from family and great babysitters—Ruth, Amy, Nicole, Emily, and Katie.

I am not sure it was a matter of my kids understanding my husband’s and my service. It was just our way of life. As they got older, I think they began to understand what it was we did and became increasingly prouder as they understood more.

KH: How did you tell the kids—and your husband—that you were being deployed? What was your greatest fear upon learning of the deployment?

TB: By the time I deployed, Bryon was retired from the National Guard. He worked closely still with the National Guard so he knew it was coming. It was a matter of confirming it when it did become official. He was very supportive. I think my greatest fear was just leaving Bryon to take care of everything. Not that I didn’t think he could do it. I just felt bad leaving him to do everything. The kids were at a stage of life where they played a lot of sports. There was a lot of chauffeuring to do. We were very fortunate to have support from many of the families the kids played ball with.

KH: You reacted very strongly to a sentence in Home Front. Jolene says that she wants to go to war, but she doesn’t want to leave her family. What was it about this remark that touched you so deeply? Can you explain how that conflict feels to a woman who is both a soldier and a mother?

TB: You want to go be with your “guys”---the people you have trained with for years. You also want to test yourself and your training. The unit I deployed with has since deployed again. I changed jobs and did not go with them. I felt terribly left out.

When you deploy you are a soldier first—your mission is first. That’s the way it has to be when you are in charge of an aircrew and are being counted on to complete a mission. You don’t want to let anyone down, least of all the ground soldiers who we are there to support.

Leaving your family is another thing altogether. It is something you just do not want to do. You’re the Mom, something that just doesn’t go away. You still want to feel like a part of the family.

KH: How was parenting different when you were in Iraq? How was it the same?

TB: Bryon made most decisions while I was gone. It was hard. I still wanted a say, but I wasn’t there. Bryon and I had been married twenty-three years when I deployed so we knew each other’s parenting styles pretty well. He did a great job. I am very thankful for his support.

KH: Do you think being at war is different somehow for women? If so, how?

TB: I don’t think so. Women, just like men, join for many different reasons, but when it comes down to it they just want to do their job and be part of a team. They want a chance to do their duty just like everyone else.

KH: Can you speak at all about the idea of women in combat?

TB: When I joined, women were not allowed to fly in combat. That changed in 1993. I have no issue with women doing a job as long as they are qualified and can perform the job. I don’t think women should be put in a job just because they are women in order to equal things out.

KH: What was your homecoming like? How easy was it to get back onto the track of your ordinary life?

TB: It was very nice. I came home after a ceremony at the Post. My family had made a nice sign that was hanging in the kitchen. There were lots of flowers. The pitcher of margaritas was pretty good, too. I had commented to Bryon during one of our phone calls after a particularly long hot day in the cockpit that the other pilot and I had been talking about how nice margaritas would have been that day. Bryon remembered that and had them waiting.

My parents had come in from out of town and some neighbors had made dinner for us. It was very nice.

KH: In what ways did your tour in Iraq change you? Your marriage? Your family?

TB: At first I think it is hard on every marriage. There are a lot of adjustments to make. Bryon or one of the kids would mention an event or people they had met while I was gone and I would have no idea what they were talking about.

KH: How did your husband handle being the parent at home? Were routines changed when you returned?

TB: Bryon did great. Some routines I am sure changed when I left in order to suit his routines better. It helped that Matthew got his driver’s license while I was gone. He probably ran more errands and played chauffeur to his brother more than most sixteen-year-olds.

KH: Your husband was in the military also, and a pilot. Do you think that helped make your deployment go more smoothly?

TB: Yes and no. It made it easier to talk to him about what was going on; he understood the lingo and the mission. Then again, he understood the mission and what could happen.