Hockey With Benefits(108)

I stared at my phone, but I couldn’t give her the response she wanted. Or maybe she needed. I just couldn’t.

“Cruz?”

I looked up, and instantly scowled. Sabrina Burford was coming out of the bar, a tentative look on her face. Then, her chin firmed, and she came closer. “I saw the guys and noticed you were still out here.” Her eyes went to my phone. A small frown came over her face. She folded her head, some of her hair falling forward. “I know you didn’t want me to go see your mom and sister, but I had to. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry for going, but I’m sorry that I went when you didn’t want me to go. That doesn’t make sense.” She looked away, a sad expression coming over her. “I knew your sister was… I’m trying to say that I knew Sarah was different. But I liked her. Sometimes she could be mean. I saw that side of her, but I also saw times when she seemed tortured. I didn’t understand, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I know Titi was in the car because of me. I’ve not been perfect. I’m a bitch, stuck-up, you know. But I am who I am. And I just wanted you to know that I was always kind when I was around Titi. My mom only had me, and I always wanted a little sister. With Titi, it felt like I had a little sister.

“Look, I’m not here asking for your permission, but your mom is okay with me continuing to visit. I’d like to do that.” Her eyes flashed at me. Determined. “I’m going to do that. Sarah would want me to do that.”

“You don’t know what Sarah would want.”

She shook her head. “You’re wrong. Sarah wasn’t always mean with me. We had fun times, and sometimes I think I know her in ways you never will. And I do think she’d want me to continue seeing Titi. She’d want me to do it because she can’t, just like when she was alive. She knew I was the sister that she couldn’t be. It’s half the reason I spent so much time with Titi. Your sister cared, in her way.”

“My sister is dead. I don’t think she gives two fucks about us.”

“You’re wrong. I know you think she didn’t care about you, but she did. She wasn’t nice to you all the time. I know she was jealous of you, but she was also proud in her way. There’s a drawer in her room where she printed off every article there was written about you. Ask your mom about it sometime. She knows it’s there.” She held up a hand, heading back for the door. “I’ll see you inside, or not, if that’s what you want.”

I gave her a look, but I didn’t respond. No matter what she said or what she did, Burford and I wouldn’t be buddy-buddy. But maybe I didn’t need to hate her as much as I did.

I texted my mom.

I’m not ready to FaceTime when you’re there, but could you take a flower for her from me?

Mom: Of course! Titi will hold it the whole way there.





55





MARA





The hockey guys came in. Burford went out. Then, Burford came in again, fighting back tears, and I was starting to slide off my stool when my phone buzzed.

Dad: Hey, honey. We’ve not talked in a bit. I’d love to come see you. I have new things to tell you about.

I frowned, heading outside.

Cruz was just coming in, but pulled back, a frown on his face at seeing me.

I held up a finger and motioned farther over in the parking lot for some privacy. I hit dial and held the phone up to my ear.

My dad picked up right away. “Mara!”

“What’s going on?” The alarm was real and tight in my stomach, though he sounded happy.

“Oh, Mara. No. It’s all good.” He laughed. “I was calling to let you know that I took your advice. I’m attending this support group. I don’t think I told you that part, but I met a woman there. She was attending with her sister, who comes regularly, but the woman and I hit it off. Her name is Gabriela and, uh, we’ve been dating. For a couple weeks now. She’s wonderful, Mara.”

“I–” I was stunned. “You’re dating?”

“Yeah.” Another laugh from him, more relieved. “Can you believe it? I really like her.”

“You haven’t dated since you divorced Mom.”

“I know!”

God. He was happy.

I pressed back against the building, feeling Cruz move in closer.

I reached out, touching his chest, and he lifted his hand, taking mine in his. His thumb rubbed over the back of my hand while I choked up.

I said, my voice hoarse, “I’m happy to hear that, Dad. You sound happy.”

“I am. I really am, and listen, I’m handling things on this end with your mom. You don’t need to worry about anything. Okay? I really want you to know that. I know things are a mess with your mom. They always will be, but at the end of the day, your mom is never going to leave you. I’m never going to leave you. I’m only saying that because sometimes I think you worry I’ll go away. I won’t. I never was. Right now, you go to college and focus on yourself. Be happy yourself. Be a kid, Mara. Within reason, of course. Don’t drink or drink and drive. Don’t have sex. Don’t get an STD. Don’t cheat. You know, the normal things a dad is going to worry about their daughter doing in college. I just want you to be a kid right now.”

“Thanks, Dad.” A pressure lifted off my shoulders.