Here's to Us(What If It's Us #2)(50)

“Okay, cool. He probably just scrolled past it. Why don’t you resend it, and I’ll touch base with Jacob really quickly to make sure that’s all he needs.”

My phone vibrates against the vinyl of my tabletop workspace.

“Sounds good!” I say quickly.

I’m pretty sure it’s a new text from Ben—he’s been venting to me on and off all week about the weird vibes he’s been getting from Dylan, which I’m a million percent here for. And not just because weird vibes are my whole entire brand. Honestly, the fact that Ben’s confiding in me again feels really fragile and precious in a way I can’t quite explain. I guess I thought we’d lost that forever.

I tap into my message app as soon as Taj leaves, and sure enough: You really didn’t think he seemed weird on sat

Um, I write back, depends on what you mean by weird, I guess. Like he was chaotic, but that’s kind of his baseline, right?

I mean, if Ben wanted to see actual chaos, he should have stayed for the part where I full-force had to pee but also full-force didn’t want to stand up, so I just cried about it in Mikey’s arms for an hour.

Yeah idk, maybe im reading too much into it? but also he was so glued to his phone, like hyperfocused, Ben replies, and I can’t decide if I’m charmed or annoyed by the way he always frets over Dylan. Ben didn’t seem to lose any sleep this week over the fact that I literally drank myself sick Saturday night. Not that I’d expect him to. Because that would be a very, very weird thing to expect from your ex. Very.

I write back. Maybe? I honestly didn’t notice!

That’s funny, Ben replies, u seemed so clear-headed and alert that night

I grin down at my phone.

Another Ben text comes in. Also the way he just randomly bounced at the end?

Well he had to rescue Samantha from , I write.

Lol good point

Okay but for real, is Patrick that bad??

Ben responds with a shrug emoji boy. Never met him, probably never will

You know what you should do?? I write—and then I press send so he can sit in suspense while I outline my multiphase plan to gradually introduce a Patrick character into The Wicked Wizard War canon. Patricio, the roguish fiend who kidnaps Sam O’Mal, but is ultimately thwarted by Duke Dill’s greatest ally, the legendary saber-toothed chimera warrior knight, Sir Sabre. I’ll let Ben and Dylan decide which of Sir Sabre’s three heads lands the fatal strike. Look, I’m not saying I’m a diabolical genius, but if the horns fit— “So how’s Mikey?” Taj asks, settling back in at his desk.

“What?” I look up at him. “Mikey left five days ago.”

Taj’s eyebrows are doing the work of a thousand winks. “I know. I’m just saying, you get the love crinkle when you talk to him. Right here.” He pokes the corners of his eyes.

“That’s not—” I stop short, heat rushing to my cheeks. What am I even supposed to say?

That I’m not sure I’m in love? That I’ve been avoiding the conversation for a week?

That it isn’t even Mikey that I’m texting?

My phone buzzes, and I try not to stare at the screen. It’s elementary school all over again. Me with my behavior card flipped from green to yellow, knowing I’m one chair tilt away from getting a note sent home. Me, fucking it up half the time anyway. All my report cards were variations on the exact same theme. Extremely bright. Enthusiastic learner. Pleasure to have in class. A full goddamn mess with no impulse control.



“So,” I say, yanking my brain back to earth. I watch Taj scroll through a list of file folder icons, each one neatly labeled and ordered by year. “Everything okay with the budget?”

“Oh yeah. I’m just pulling some of the figures from the last few summers so Jacob can see it all side by side. He’s talking about replacing the GDB again.”

The GDB, otherwise known as the Goddamn Baby. Basically, the script calls for an onstage baby, but Jacob keeps getting creeped out by every doll the props master buys. So we keep returning them for refunds that sometimes take days or even weeks to process. It’s wreaking havoc on the design budget logs.

“This isn’t going to end in him bringing in a real baby, right?”

Taj laughs. “They’ve actually done that before on Broadway. There was a play called—”



“The Ferryman!”

“I can’t believe you know that,” Taj says.

My phone buzzes again—but before I can sneak a peek, Jacob materializes out of nowhere. “Are you texting the boy?” he asks, smiling.

I jolt up straight in my chair.

Jacob laughs. “I promise I’m not here to play phone cop. Write him back!”

Him. The boy. Jacob thinks I’m talking to Mikey, just like Taj thinks I’m talking to Mikey. Because why wouldn’t I be? Why wouldn’t I be texting my boyfriend who’s in love with me, and who I maybe love back, which is a question I should definitely be able to answer by now?

“Okay!” Taj announces. “I’ve got 2016 through 2019. Ready when you are.”

Jacob clasps his hands. “God, I love you.”

My brain stops in its tracks.

“Be right back,” I say, swiping my phone off the table. “Dressing room. Bathroom.”

Taj nods solemnly. “Godspeed.”