Heartache and Hope (Heartache Duet #1)(83)

He slams his locker shut, then leans against it, his hands in his pockets when he says, “What’s up?”

His eyes are on mine, but the soul behind them… it isn’t Connor.

I yank the headphones out of my ears and cross my arms over my chest. I feel so little, and I need him to stop making me feel like that. “I’ve been trying to call you,” I murmur.

He shrugs. “I lost my phone.”

My eyes widen. “What do you mean you lost your phone?”

“I mean,” he says, looking down his nose at me, “I misplaced it. I don’t know where it is.”

“I know the definition of lost, Connor. You don’t need to berate me.”

“I’m not,” he sighs out. His eyes drift shut, his shoulders lifting with his heavy inhale. When he opens his eyes again, he says, “Look, I just spent the entire morning running suicides because Coach thinks it’s funny to punish a bunch of hungover kids, and so—”

“You’re hungover?” I cut in.

He shakes his head. “No, I’m just really fucking exhausted. I’ve been pushing myself too far for too long, plus the constant lack of sleep—especially last night—and… everyone has their limits, Ava.” His gaze bores into mine. “And I think I’m at my peak.”

A stillness passes between us, seconds feel like hours, and we do nothing but stare at each other, like we’re both searching for something that’s no longer there. I look away when I feel the heat burning behind my eyes.

Connor pushes off his locker, his hand reaching up, and I close my eyes, wait for the moment his hand cups my jaw or his finger traces my forehead when he shifts the loose strands away… but nothing comes.

“Thank you,” he breathes out, and my eyes snap open as I see him grasp the phone someone’s holding up between us. I follow the arm to the person next to me: Karen.

“Where the hell was it?” he asks her.

“You left it in my car, stupid.”

Connor chuckles. “No, you.”

Karen faces me. “Hey, Ava.”

All I can do is stand there, fighting back the hurt, the betrayal. I know she’s watching me, they both are, and there’s no justified reaction to match what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking.

I bet she has no idea what he gets up to when she’s not around.

I look back at Connor, willing the tears away. “I’ll see you in class.”





Connor and I say nothing to each other as we sit together in psych class. There’s no hand on my leg, no witty banter.

There’s just him.

And me.

In two very different worlds.

I grasp on to my textbook as I stare ahead, hearing but not listening to everything going on around me. The class phone rings, and Mr. McCallister pauses his speech to answer it. Back turned to the class, the conversation in the room picks up.

“Psst!” Rhys hisses, kicking the back of Connor’s chair. “Where the hell did you disappear to last night?”

Connor shrugs but doesn’t say anything.

I keep my eyes forward, watching as Mr. McCallister turns to the class, phone still to his ear, and then his gaze locks on me. He’s nodding, his lips pulled down in a frown. My chest rises with my shaky inhale, and I sit up higher, my life source pumping rapidly as he hangs up, starts moving toward me. The world around me is silent, bar his heavy footsteps as he closes in.

I shudder an exhale.

And then Connor’s hand finds mine on the desk, linking our fingers together.

Mr. McCallister squats down to my level. “Ava, sweetheart, have you got your phone on you?”

I pull it out of my pocket. The battery’s dead because I hadn’t charged it overnight. I spent the entire night walking the streets aimlessly, and I hadn’t been home except to change into my uniform. I didn’t plan on staying. I just came here for Connor…

“It’s um… it’s…” I drop the phone on the desk and look up at him. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re needed at home.”

“Okay,” I breathe out, feeling the first panic-induced tear slide down my cheek. I swipe it away. “Can I use the phone to call a cab?”

Mr. McCallister eyes Connor, and Connor says, “I don’t have my car here.”

Rhys speaks up. “I’ll take you, A.”





Connor


I’d been dreading seeing Ava all morning. When I saw her at my locker, I stood firm. I wanted her to know that she’d hurt me and that I was pissed, and I wasn’t going to back down. The past few times we’d been together, I’d needed her, and she hadn’t even been present enough to listen to what I was saying.

But when Mr. McCallister started to approach her in psych, I felt her fear, and I realized that I had no idea what had been going on with her. Not really. And it’s not that I don’t ask, but she never opens up about it. She never fully lets me in. Never tells me anything.

During lunch, I ask Rhys to take me to his house so I can pick up my car. He has no idea why Ava had to go home. He said that she’d been silent on the drive there and he didn’t want to push her.

I send her a text, hope she’s had time to charge her phone.