Heartache and Hope (Heartache Duet #1)(78)

I exhale loudly, try to calm my thumping heart. “Connor, I’m so sorry.”

He shakes his head, then reaches across me and opens my door. “I really do have to go.”

My stomach is in knots, and I don’t want to leave him, not like this. “How long will you be gone?”

Without looking at me, he says, “I don’t know, Ava.”

“Well, will you call me later?” I’m trying. I’m doing my best to fight for his forgiveness, but I don’t know how. “You think I can get my goodnight kiss?”

“Sure,” he says, but there’s no inflection in his tone. No promises.

And while my mind is back on that email trying to process everything it had to say, I get out of the car without another word and leave my heart in the driver’s seat, the distance between us growing with every second.





I spend the rest of the night worrying about Connor, or more specifically, Connor and me, when I know I should be more concerned about Mom’s insurance. It doesn’t escape me that I seem to be focusing on Connor when I’m around my mom and then my mom when I’m around Connor, and I really wish there was a switch for my brain. I wish I could train it to stop and go at the right times. I wish my mind weren’t always stuck in a fog. I wish… I wish for so many things. But right now, I wish for Connor. For him to message me and tell me he’s home and that he wants his kiss.

It’s eleven thirty, and I still haven’t heard from him.

Dread pools in the pit of my stomach, because I know how flakey I’ve been lately. I can see how frustrated he’s getting with me, and I want to make it up to him. I do. I just don’t have the time or the resources or the… I fight back the constant thoughts attempting to ruin what we have.

That he needs more.

Deserves more.

Ava: How’s that goodnight kiss coming along?





It takes him a few minutes to respond.

Connor: I’ll be there in five.





I open my blinds and lift the window. And I wait. And wait. And wait. Five minutes turns to ten, and I check my phone. Nothing. I wait some more, the frigid cold air forming goosebumps along my arms as I lean halfway out, searching for him.

After fifteen minutes, he finally appears, but there’s no swing in his step, no hint of a smile.

There’s no boy who loves me. All of me.

“Hi,” I whisper, waving.

He gets close enough so he can kiss me, just once. When he steps back, his eyes are on mine, tired and tortured. “Hey.”

I swallow the instant lump in my throat, but it just moves lower and lower until it’s wrapped around my heart, making it impossible to breathe. “What have you—” I break off when I notice him clenching his jaw.

There’s no life in his eyes as he scans my face. “Goodnight, Ava.” He turns on his heels and starts to leave.

“Wait,” I rush out, grasping for him.

My hand catches air, but he stops anyway.

“Did you…” I want him with me. I want to show him that I care. I want him in my bed, and I want to give him everything he’s wanted. And I don’t care if it makes me a whore. I just want him to not look at me the way he is. I need him to forgive me. “Did you want to come in for a bit?” I say, my entire everything timid and submissive.

Without a second thought, he shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“Oh.” My gaze drops, shame igniting my flesh. “Okay.”

He doesn’t look back when he says over his shoulder, “I’ll see you whenever.”





Chapter 47





Connor





Four balloons are waiting for me on the porch, one for each game if we make it through to the final of today’s single-elimination tournament. Thirty of the best high school basketball teams in the region all compete for a cash prize that goes directly to the school, but that’s not why we play. The arena will be filled with college coaches and NBA scouts, all of them searching for the one hidden gem. That one player who nobody knows about. And today, I’m hoping that one player is me. But so are hundreds of other kids.

I remove the balloons one by one, and I wish they gave me the same knee-jerk reaction as all the other times I’d seen them here. That feeling of elation, of pride, of wanting to do something great for someone else.

For Ava.

But it doesn’t.

And I don’t know if it’s because things are rocky with us at the moment or if it’s my nerves, because there sure as shit are a lot of those, too. I could barely sleep last night, my mind focused on every play, every opponent. This tournament is my chance to show up. To rise above the rest and make an impact. If this goes well, Coach assures me that colleges will have no choice but to make an offer. And I need that. God, do I need that.





Ava


“Trevor!” I call out, sitting on the couch with Mom in front of me while I do her hair. She’s having another zero-day, and in a way, I’m glad. Lately, zero days have been the best we can get out of her.

He storms out of his room, his eyebrows drawn, focused on his phone. “What’s up?”

“They’re streaming today’s tournament. Can you connect my laptop to the TV so I can watch it on there?”