Golden Boys (Golden Boys, #1)(14)

I sigh and stare up at the ceiling.

This is going to be impossible.





CHAPTER TWELVE

HEATH

Just packing, I type into the group chat when Gabriel checks in with all of us to see what we’re doing.

I try to sound casual, and I hope they let it slide. As they all pack their suitcases and travel bags for their trips, I’m packing my entire life up, on the off chance that Dad’s able to sell the house this summer. I’ve stacked the last of the boxes in the corner of my room, and I’m left with so little. I have my suitcase with enough clothes to work with through the summer—mostly tank tops, shirts and shorts, and a variety of flip-flops.

If I’m going to be living on a beach all summer, I’m leaning into it. This time next week I’ll be wearing an airbrushed tank and a shark-tooth necklace with my sunglasses on the back of my head. I’m fully committed to this new life.

But I wonder if I really need to say goodbye to my old one. I disassembled my Ikea bed, and it’s all piled up in a corner, with just the mattress left on the floor, so I can roll out of bed and get in the car tomorrow morning. And I know it’s possible that this house won’t be there for me when I get back, but that’s so far beyond my comprehension right now.

I’m all alone today, since my parents had a meeting with their divorce lawyers in town, so I take my time walking through the house. My parents’ bedroom, the spare room, and as I step down the stairs, through the back door, and into our expansive yard, I see glimpses of my past. Even if we don’t move, it’ll still never be the same here.

We used to have a swing set right here, I think as I walk into a particularly dead patch of grass. And I learned to play baseball right here. Dad and I would be out for hours just practicing my swing or perfecting my curveball. When it got too late, a few bats would fly around us as the stars dotted the sky. If you threw the ball up at just the right time, the bats would catch it with their echolocation and follow the ball as it fell for a few seconds. I always thought that was cool.

I sit on the tailgate and think about going to the field early, but something keeps me tethered to this place. What if, when I come back, someone else owns this place? Dad and I could be living in one of those apartments on Main Street, pretending everything’s just fine. It would be fine, I guess, just not the same. It especially won’t be the same without Mom there.

I think again about Reese’s family, and I can’t stop myself from being jealous.

Where do I fit in? Where’s my family? Maybe I’ll find what I’m looking for in Daytona.

My phone buzzes, and I see that Gabriel’s already staked out our usual spot on the baseball diamond. I laugh, knowing how stunned Reese will be that he got there first. On cue, Reese texts me, Hey, I’m ready for you to pick me up whenever you are.

Or, maybe I’ll find my family right here waiting for me, when I get back.





CHAPTER THIRTEEN

SAL

I get to Gabe’s house, and when the door opens, I jump back in surprise when Katie peeks her head through, and we both laugh. I haven’t seen his sister since she started college in the fall, now that I think about it. But I get to see glimpses of her life on social media, or through Gabe’s stories.

“Sal, hey. How are you?” she asks with a sweet but cautious question mark at the end of it. “Are you ready for DC? I know it can be stressful.”

“It is,” I say. “But I’m ready. I think it’ll be good for me to get away from here for a bit and see what life will be like after I graduate.”

She sighs, and a smile comes across her face. “Yeah. I mean, you’ll have a blast in college. Do you know where you’re going yet?”

The question stops me, for once, and I’m not sure how to respond. Every line I usually respond with doesn’t feel like my own, and that’s because it’s not: I’m just parroting what my mom says.

It’s like there’s a whisper inside me that I can’t let go of. One that’s been growing and growing since I watched my mom shake that homophobe’s hand at graduation.

“I’m not sure I even want to go to college,” I say. “I’m feeling a little lost right now?”

She gives me a quizzical look, and the ache of vulnerability hits me in the gut. I scramble to cover it up.

“That didn’t come out right. I guess, I still don’t know what I want to do, but I’m hoping this summer will clear it up.” I pause. “Don’t tell Gabe I said that.”

“Oh yeah, of course. I bet you know I didn’t like college at all when I started this year. I was down on myself because college wasn’t everything I expected, everything our college-obsessed dad told me to expect. So I didn’t try for a while. But I found my group, eventually.”

She drops her voice to a whisper. “Don’t tell Dad this, but college is not for everyone. I had a friend drop out this year, and she’s never been happier. To each their own.”

I breathe a bit easier after that line. I picked a hell of a time to say that out loud for the first time ever, but at least it wasn’t to anyone important, really. My mom would have a heart attack; even Gabe and the other boys would be confused. Having my shit together is basically my whole brand, and really, could I even get away with not going to college?