God of Pain (Legacy of Gods #2)(75)

“You don’t understand. She’s anti-conflict and acts like Mum does whenever you and Dad verbally spar. She’ll always, without a doubt, use herself as a sacrifice to bring peace to the situation. And that option is out of the question.”

“You’ll never really know until you let her do her thing. Trusting her as she asked will go a long way after this hurdle is cleared. Believe me when I say, women remember when you give them freedom. It doesn’t have to be real, and you can always watch from the background, but the smokescreen of it is enough. So be patient. If that doesn’t work, you can always do what you promised after the one-day deadline is over. We’ll raid the Heathens' mansion together. Lan will take care of Kill—he can’t stand him after the whole Glyn thing. I’ll keep the crazy dog Nikolai down. Pretty sure Bran and Remi can hold off Gareth. And you’ll have fucker Jeremy all for yourself.”

I release a long breath, not wanting to agree with him but knowing it’s the wisest, most logical thing to do.

Eli leans his head on his crossed hands. “I never thought our baby Creigh would be so bewitched by a girl.”

“I’m not bewitched.”

“You can’t sleep because of her, have brought her here more times than I can count, mentioned her in a fleeting manner when talking to Mum—she won’t stop asking me about her, by the way, so compensate me for all the hassle—and you even told her about your childhood when you’ve never seen the need to mention it before. Oh, and you act like an unhinged caveman with serial killer tendencies whenever anyone, us included, goes near her. Bewitched is me putting it mildly.”

Well, fuck.

Am I that obvious?

“I like spending time with her. She’s the light I never thought I needed and the one person who can fill up the hollowness.”

“Ouch, I’m wounded. I thought filling up the hollowness was my role.”

“You’re empty yourself. How the fuck will you be able to fill up someone else?”

“By illusion?” He grins. “Jokes aside, you’re not hollow. You just had shitty biological parents, who I’m sure are rotting in the devil’s lair as we speak.”

I snicker.

“I take it you’re finally putting it behind you if you’re talking about it to your girl?”

Your girl.

I like the sound of that. In fact, I like it so much that I wish I could have him say it again and record it this time.

“I’ll never be over it,” I tell him. “I’ll have my revenge.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“You’re avenging those useless parents?”

“I’m avenging the three-year-old version of myself who was driven to the gates of hell.”

“And how the fuck do you intend to do that, genius? By taking a trip back in time? You can’t ask Mum and Dad. Not only will they not answer, but the last time you asked, Mum was depressed for an entire month, thinking she was doing something wrong. In her mind, you being interested in your past is in direct correlation with your birth parents, and if you want to know about them, it means she failed as a mother.”

“I won’t get Mum and Dad involved and neither will you. I have other methods.”

“Such as… Wait a fucking second, were you getting all mushy with Lan because of this?” His brow furrows. “You can’t trust that snake. Any action he takes is purely for self-serving purposes.”

“And you’re different because…”

“I’m you brother. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

I release a sigh. “I know. But let me have this, Eli. If I don’t, I’ll never find the closure I need. I’ll never be…whole.”

“Bloody hell. Mum would undoubtedly cry if she heard that.”

“Don’t ever mention this to her.” I stare at the wall. “I hate this part of me that’s unable to move on from the past, despite having Mum, Dad, and our whole family. I tried to leave it behind, but the demons never disappear.”

My brother remains silent, probably because he doesn’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about, but he’s still there for me, listening and offering a part of himself he never gives anyone.

And I’m grateful for that.

After a while, he inches closer. “What’s the information you gathered from that slimy fucker Lan?”

“He said I was born in the United States, in New York City, to be more specific. He’s currently searching for my birth last name and the circumstances that surrounded all that hell.”

“You could’ve hired a PI instead of relying on that snake.”

“I did, but all information about my past was wiped clean. Probably by Dad and our grandfathers.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. They never liked to talk about your past. So in that case, how can Lan get his hands on the information concerning your past?”

“He said he had a hunch, that he won’t reveal yet, and he figured out another way to get information.”

“Sounds fishy.”

“Lan’s hunches are always right.”

“And always get those involved in deep shit.”

“I’ve come this far. It goes without saying that I’m ready to make some sacrifices.”