Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals(9)

But I digress. I went to this conference and had a life-changing epiphany. I had been taught to play small, but I had been born with a heart that only dreamed big. That heart and all it encompassed had been built into me while I was still forming. My dreams weren’t just a part of me; they were the core of who I was. They were a gift from God, and if my creator endowed me with something, how could it be wrong? I dug deeper and realized that my desire for growth and work only really felt wrong when I started to worry what other people might think of it. Staying at home can be a beautiful personal choice and life calling—but it wasn’t mine. It was what other people wanted for my life. It was culturally what we knew, but that didn’t make it right for me. So I started to wonder, What if what was right was truly believing in myself enough to be honest about my life? What if what was right was being proud of who I was made to be? What if what was right was to find pride in my hard work and accomplishments and to stop playing small?

I left that conference on fire! I came home a completely different woman—or actually, I should say, I came home fully living into myself for the first time in my life. The years since then have been the happiest, most fulfilled, and most rewarding of my entire existence, and they’ve also made me aware of something important. I didn’t corner the market on feeling ashamed because I didn’t fit into the mold of the other women around me. I’m not the only one who has ever carried around those feelings. But the catalyst that propelled me into the dreams I’m so privileged to be living today is that I accepted the challenge to actively get past those feelings and, in doing so, massively changed my life.

If you’ve been affected by my work, if you enjoyed the last book or had a life-changing weekend at one of our conferences or found nuggets of wisdom in my podcast, remember that none of that would have happened if I hadn’t stopped listening to that little voice inside my head that says, “This is not what other women are like. This is too bold, too weird, too obnoxious. Sit down. Be quiet.” Fighting the instinct to listen to that voice is one of the hardest things I’ve ever worked through, but because I did, my life—and maybe yours too?—changed for the better.





EXCUSE 2:

I’M NOT A GOAL-ORIENTED PERSON

My instinct is that the majority of the women who pick up this book are goal diggers. Not gold diggers—goal diggers. Meaning, you have a goal or a dream that’s been on your heart and you want some advice or encouragement to propel you forward. But chances are, amongst the crowd are also women who are curious or wondering or maybe just fans of my YouTube channel who aren’t really sure how this whole goal thing is going to work for them, because, well, they’re just not a goal-oriented kind of gal. They’ve decided that it’s simply their genetic makeup; some people are into that whole “personal growth thing” and some people aren’t. These people may even wish they were that kind of person but don’t have a lot of hope for it, because “that’s just not the way I’m wired.”

The thing is, I totally understand why you’d think that. I mean, obviously if you didn’t come into the world already having mastered something, it was just never meant to be yours. Walking, speaking, eating solid foods without choking to death, driving a car, spelling, using a computer—all of that was just naturally a part of “who you were” from birth, right?

No. Don’t be dumb!

You learned those skills just like you learned a million other things. I’m not arguing that you aren’t currently a goal-oriented person, because perception is reality and if you believe it’s true then it absolutely is. What I’m arguing is that you’re missing a word in the sentence. You’re not a goal-oriented person yet. Finding your goal, focusing in on it, and learning to work to get closer to it every day is possible for anyone. Finding your goal takes some soul-searching and some clarity, but the other two? Having focus and being productive enough to get closer to where you want to go? Those are just habits. If you don’t already have them, it’s only because you haven’t developed them yet. Not because they’ll never be yours.

Dreams are things you hope for, for your life. Dreams are the things that occur to you as you go about your day. Things like, I wish I didn’t feel so tired all the time. Wouldn’t it be great to get into shape? Or, I’d love to be debt-free. Or, I wish we could take a luxury vacation this summer. Or, I wish we didn’t have to live paycheck to paycheck. Maybe I could start a side business. Because we all come from different places and backgrounds, our dreams are as unique and varied as our hairstyles. Everyone has dreams for their life—everyone. Not everyone admits it to themselves or even considers their idle wishes a possibility, but every single person reading this book wants something. Those wishes you have? Those are dreams. But a dream and a goal are two different things entirely.

A goal is a dream with its work boots on. A goal is a dream you’ve decided to make real. A goal is a destination you’re working toward instead of an idea you’re only considering or hoping for. Hope is a beautiful thing and an incredibly valuable tool to help keep us motivated and inspired about the possibility for the future. But let’s be very clear on this point: hope is not a strategy.

Simply hoping that life will get better, that you’ll get better, that you’ll suddenly develop focus and motivation when you’re not taking any active steps to make that a reality, is worthless. You’ve got to plan for your success. You’ve got to be intentional, and you’ve got to decide right now that you can be whoever you want to be and achieve whatever you want to achieve.