Girl Online(76)

“It’s true. You are. And you know that I’ll stick up for you always, but I really think you should say something. Tell your side of the story.” Tom pulls his fierce face, the one he always used to pull when he had play-fights with Dad. “Then I want you to give me Noah Flynn’s address and I’m going to go around there to New York or wherever and I’m going to kill him.”

I laugh.

“I mean it, Pen—well, the bit about telling your side of the story anyway.”

“OK, I’ll think about it.”

“Don’t just think about it—do it. You’ll feel way better. I know I did when I went back to school and told Jonathan Price where he could shove it.” Tom gives me a hug. “Love you, sis.”

“Love you too. Please don’t tell Mum and Dad about what’s happened, though. You know what they’re like about the Internet. I don’t want them worrying.”

Tom nods. “OK. I’ll put off going back to uni for a couple of days, just in case you need me.”

“Really? But won’t you get into trouble?”

“Nah, I never get into trouble.” Tom grins at me and I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I might have lost Noah and Elliot but I’ll always have my family. The best family in the world.





Chapter Forty

As soon as Tom’s gone, I put my laptop back in my wardrobe and go to run myself a warm bath, rummaging through my basket of bath bombs until I find one called Chill Out Bliss. As the warmth of the fragrant soapy water soaks into my bones, I feel a weird kind of calm. I’m still hurting and sad but I no longer feel helpless. I dunk my head right under the water and feel my hair floating out around me.

“You remind me of a mermaid.” Noah’s words from the underwater corridor echo around my mind, causing me to sit right up. As I squeeze the water from my hair a chorus of hows fills my mind. How could he seem so nice and so genuine? How could he lie so easily? How could he do that to me? But I force myself to block them out. It doesn’t really matter how. The fact is he did.

I get out of the bath and slather myself with my favorite moisturizer. Then I wrap myself in my coziest dressing gown and go back to my bedroom. I turn on my fairy lights—and immediately I think of the tent Noah made for me on New Year’s Eve. I turn the lights off and put on my bedside lamp. Next door, I hear Elliot’s bedroom door slam.

To stop myself thinking painful thoughts about Noah, I think angry thoughts about Elliot. He must have seen what’s been happening online by now but still there’s been no knocking on the wall and no texts or calls. Unless he tried contacting me while I was in the bath. I feel a glimmer of hope and go over to the wardrobe to retrieve my phone. When I see that there are no messages, my hope turns back to anger. It must have been him. I think of what Tom said to me earlier and I know what I have to do. I can’t hide away in my bedroom. I have to go around there and have it out with him.

It’s only when I’m marching up Elliot’s driveway that I realize I haven’t set foot in his house for years. I can’t even remember what the doorbell sounds like. As I press it, a loud ding-dong rings out. I feel gripped by nerves. I hear footsteps on the wooden floor inside and the door opens. His dad looks at me like I’ve just interrupted him doing the most exciting thing in the world. He looks at everyone in this way, even Elliot, all the time.

“Yes?” he says questioningly, like he doesn’t even know who I am.

“Is Elliot there, please?”

He sighs. “Just a moment.” And then he pushes the door to, leaving me out in the cold.

“Elliot!” he bellows. “There’s someone at the door.”

I hear Elliot’s voice muffled, but can’t work out what he’s saying. The door re-opens and his dad reappears.

“I’m afraid he can’t come to the door at the moment.”

“What? But . . .”

“Thank you. Goodbye.” And that’s it. The door’s shut and he’s gone.

By the time I’ve stormed back home and up to my room, I’m in a fury. I stare at the bedroom wall, wishing Elliot and I had a secret knocking code for I hate you, you stupid coward! But we don’t have anything even close because we’ve never needed anything like that. We’ve never, ever fallen out. Until now.

I sit down on my bed and look around the room in despair. Why would Elliot do something like this to me? Why would he do something so horrible, and then hide away from me like this? But he can’t hide away from me forever. I consider keeping watch at my window so that I can ambush him the second he leaves his house. But that would be nuts. I contemplate drilling a hole in the wall to punch him through, but that’s even crazier. In the end, I get my phone from my wardrobe and send him a text.

I can’t believe you would do that to me. Some best friend!



As I press send, I feel a fresh wave of sorrow. I’m not alone, I remind myself, thinking of Mum and Dad and Tom. I’m not alone. But all I feel is loneliness and loss.

I stare at my phone, waiting for a reply. But there’s nothing. I get more and more frustrated. How dare he and Noah hurt me like this and then hide away from me? And then I do the worst thing I could possibly do. I get my laptop out of the wardrobe and go online.

First, I check Elliot’s Twitter to see if he’s updated lately. I’m not sure what I’m looking for really—proof that he’s been online, a hateful comment about me . . . But his last tweet was on Christmas Day.