Gentleman Sinner(95)

I make my way through Theo’s private quarters, my strides even, my legs strong, my determination unwavering. As I round the landing, something at the bottom of the stairs catches my eye and makes me pause. ‘Theo.’ I exhale his name, trying to assess his condition quickly. He looks . . . perfect. His clothes are straight, uncreased, and there are no signs of any dishevelment. I hate myself for it, but I check for blood, too. There’s nothing. No sign, hint, or scrap of evidence that he’s been teaching any lessons or breaking any limbs. Though his face is tired. Drained. He looks like he could sleep for a year.

‘Hey.’ He stuffs his hands deep into his pockets, looking up at me on the landing.

‘Where have you been?’ I ask, feeling my way around to the top of the stairs, not daring to release the rail for fear of crumpling in relief. ‘Everyone has been worried.’ I take one step down.

‘Looking for someone,’ he says straight up, his despondency telling me that he didn’t find them.

I bite my teeth together, nervous to say what I’m about to say. ‘I know who Penny is.’

He shows no surprise. He doesn’t even blink. ‘My father was all she had. Her mother wasn’t interested in her, just my father’s money and status. When Dad died, all she had left was me. It’s been a constant battle to keep her on the straight and narrow.’

‘I admire you for helping her,’ I say quietly, needing him to know that. Judy would probably have something to say about it, but I don’t care. He deserves some praise, despite my not agreeing with what he set out to do today. But he’s back, and he didn’t find who he was looking for. I can talk some sense into him. I know I can.

‘Don’t admire me, Izzy.’ Theo shakes his head and looks down at his feet. ‘There’s nothing to admire.’

My shoulders drop, despair gripping me. ‘Don’t try to stop me,’ I warn.

He smiles mildly, looking up as he takes a step towards the stairs. ‘Admiration is more than I deserve. I don’t deserve you, either.’

‘Why?’ I ask, annoyed. ‘Why don’t you deserve me? Because you were forced to endure your father’s disdain? Because you weren’t the son he wanted?’ I realize I’ve said too much when his eyes blaze.

‘Because I’ve become a man I don’t want to be,’ he grates.

‘Then. Don’t. Be. Him,’ I say slowly, my fists clenching by my sides. Isn’t it that simple?

‘It’s too late. The damage is done.’

Damage? I step back, not liking his resoluteness. ‘What damage?’

‘Me, Izzy,’ he says, shaking his head. ‘I’m damaged, and you, you gorgeous, normal woman, somehow love me.’ His voice breaks. ‘I don’t understand it.’

The sight of him looking so confused and overwhelmed rips me in two. Positively kills me. ‘You don’t need to understand it. I love you. That’s it.’

‘But this doesn’t make any sense to me.’

If there were a wall nearby, I would be throwing my fist at it. But there isn’t, so I take the stairs, closing the space between us. My face pleads with him the whole way, willing him to accept me. To accept my love. And when his arms lift slowly, I pretty much throw myself into them and cling on to him with all my might. The joining of our bodies seems to centre my off-kilter world, and for now, there is nothing wrong, no worries or troubles, just us.

‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbles into my neck, nuzzling deeply. ‘I’m sorry for making you worry.’

‘I’m sorry, too.’

‘For what?’ He starts to take the stairs, palming my bum and pulling it up so I wrap my legs around his waist.

‘For storming out on you. For not stopping you from leaving. Why didn’t you take Callum?’

‘Because I didn’t want him to hold me back.’

It’s just as I thought. I can’t even appreciate that I know him so well. ‘And now?’ I ask, pulling away from his neck when he reaches the top of the stairs. ‘What now?’ He didn’t find who he was looking for. I can’t bear the thought of him going AWOL on me again. The worry. The stress.

He carries me into his bedroom and lowers me to the bed, stroking back the hair from my face and looking down at me, a hint of a smile on his face. ‘Now, I love you.’

I hold my breath when his hand travels over my breast, down to the hem of my T-shirt. ‘I know you love me,’ I whisper, my spine bending into his touch.

‘I need to show you how much.’

‘I know how much.’

He shakes his head, telling me I’m wrong. ‘Trust me, Izzy. You have no idea.’ He pulls me up to a sitting position and lifts my T-shirt over my head. My nipples harden, ready and waiting for his devotion, as he unhooks my bra and pulls it down my arms. His head lowers, and he kisses each nipple in turn delicately, looking up at me with a small smile. I fall back on to my elbows, bliss replacing the lingering fear that’s swiftly been chased away by his return.

He licks delicately, and I sigh, my eyes tightly shut, my head falling limp on my neck. The rush of tingles invading me is too much to bear, and I start squirming on the bed, mumbling incoherent prayers to the ceiling.

‘She’s beginning to see,’ he whispers against my breast, kissing his way up the centre of my chest to my neck. He buries his face there, ravishing my flesh with a keen, greedy tongue.