Gentleman Sinner(60)

‘My father died.’

I quietly note the pain that flashes across his face. ‘I’m sorry.’

He doesn’t acknowledge my offer of sympathy, instead nodding to the bed again. ‘Get in.’

I follow his order obediently, slipping beneath the sheets as Theo strips down and throws his clothes on the nearby chair with mine. I get the feeling the conversation ends there, so I don’t push him. I wouldn’t want to talk too much about my mother, either. Sliding in beside me, he reaches for the lamp and flips the switch, and the room plummets into darkness. I wait for Theo to find me before I make a move, and when he does, I go happily into his arms, resting my head on his chest and closing my eyes, hearing his heart beat steady and strong.

‘What do you mean, dirt on them?’ I ask, my curiosity raging.

‘What strip club did you work at?’

I still, scowling to myself. So this is how it’s going to be? I ask him a question he doesn’t want to answer, and he asks one that he knows I won’t want to answer? Crafty. Clever. But isn’t this terribly toxic? The secrets? You’d think, yet I find them comforting. Because we’re both at peace simply being Izzy and Theo to each other, even if we know there’s more to the story. But I want to forget. And so does Theo.

I turn my lips on to his skin and kiss his chest, ignoring the small part of my mind that’s telling me my theory is stupid and naive. ‘Good night,’ I whisper, feeling his hand in my hair, rubbing soothing circles.

‘Good night, sweetheart.’





Chapter 16

Jess is slurping coffee in her dressing gown when I walk into the kitchen of our apartment early the next morning, her face a picture of curiosity. I skirt past her to get myself some caffeine. ‘Good night?’ she asks casually, joining me by the kettle and resting her hip on the counter.

‘Lovely, thank you.’ I choose to focus on the amazing latter parts of the night, rather than the shaky start outside the hospital when Theo had Percy’s son in a choke hold, and then when I discovered what the Playground actually is. I pour and stir, keeping my eyes on the swirl of my coffee.

‘You’re glowing,’ she says, and I look at her out of the corner of my eye. She’s failing to conceal her smirk. ‘How hard have you fallen?’

‘Harder than I should.’ I take my mug and mirror her position – hip resting on the counter, my hands wrapped around my coffee.

‘Why?’

I shrug, trying to be blasé. ‘I just get the feeling . . .’ I let my words fade, thinking for a few moments. ‘I don’t know. Like maybe I’m setting myself up to be hurt.’

A mild smile breaks out over the rim of her mug. ‘Izzy, when you give your heart to someone, you’re trusting them not to break it. You can’t hold yourself back forever.’

I nod lightly, knowing she’s right. I can’t let my past tarnish my future. But is this future too similar to my past? I shake my head to myself. Theo is nothing like him. God, why did I have to let my walls down to a man like Theo? Why not a normal, strait-laced, law-abiding guy with a regular job? They’re silly questions, really; I don’t even know why I’m bothering to ask myself them. I know exactly why. For a start, there’s that feeling of being safe whenever he’s near. That comfort is like a highly addictive drug, after being afraid for so long. But more than that, I feel like he’s giving me parts of himself that no other is privileged to have. Even his mother. He’s soft, gentle, kind, caring. He’s a pile of contradictions, fascinatingly so. ‘I don’t think he has any intention of breaking my heart.’ I just worry that he’ll do it without intention.

‘Do you trust him?’

‘Implicitly.’ I don’t hesitate. ‘He won’t hurt me. I just fear the damage he can do to himself.’ Jess frowns, so I go on. ‘How he lives, what he does, the way he handles things. No one can live by the sword and never get cut.’ And if Theo gets cut, so do I. His pain will be mine.

She frowns. ‘Live by the sword?’

‘His temper, his phobia.’ I bite the bullet. Besides, I can’t expect my friend to understand my muddle if she doesn’t have all the information. ‘His strip club.’

She nearly spits out her coffee, her mug hitting the counter hard. ‘What?’

I nod as I slurp my coffee, appearing as cool as I weirdly feel. ‘The Playground. It’s a strip club. But not the kind that—’

Jess holds up her hand, stopping me from going on. ‘You don’t need to go there, Izzy.’

I’m grateful, but I’m keen to relay all the justifications I walked myself through last night. ‘He’s good to the people who work there. They’re happy.’ I shrug. ‘And Theo is still Theo.’ It’s really that simple. ‘He treats me like a goddess.’ Makes me feel like one, too. I push away from the counter and head for the bathroom, hearing Jess in pursuit of me. ‘The Playground is also an illegal fight club,’ I tell her over my shoulder, rather blasé.

She gasps, nearly tripping over her own feet in shock. ‘You’re joking, aren’t you?’

‘Nope.’ I place my coffee on the sink and strip down, jumping in the shower while Jess gets comfy on the toilet seat.

‘And you found all this out last night?’