Funny Girl(24)

‘She’s the woman you said you wouldn’t dream of casting.’

‘Right,’ said Tom. ‘So your only argument is a circular one.’

‘It’s what the boys want.’

‘Really? What about you?’

It was what Dennis wanted, but whenever he was in Tom Sloan’s office, the words ‘yes’ and ‘no’ seemed impossible to say. They contained none of the ambiguity that meetings with his superiors seemed to require. In the past, he had found himself watching what everyone else was doing before committing himself firmly and irrevocably to tea or coffee, if it was being offered. But he did want Sophie. He thought she was funny, and magnetic, and beautiful. And also he thought she’d be brilliant in the role that the boys were creating for her. They would all regret it if Tom put his foot down.

Oh, to hell with it.

‘I think it’s an interesting idea,’ he said. He could feel his pulse start to race.

‘A good idea?’

Tom Sloan (left) in happier Eurovision days



He hesitated.

‘Well. On balance, I don’t think it’s the worst idea in the world.’

He hadn’t known he had it in him.

Sloan sighed.

‘You’d better give me this whole new script, then.’

‘It doesn’t exist yet. They only met Sophie on Thursday.’

Tom shook his head impatiently.

‘Well, you’d better bring this Sophie up to see me, then.’

Dennis took her up to the fourth floor the following afternoon. She looked enchanting, he thought. When she’d come in to audition she looked like a film star, but she’d toned it all down a little for Tom, who was a stern Presbyterian. The dress was longer and the lipstick wasn’t as bright.

‘You look terrific,’ Dennis said as they were waiting for the lift.

‘Thank you,’ she said.

‘For the interview, I mean.’

‘Oh.’

‘And … in life. You look terrific in life and appropriate for the interview. At the same time. Terrific and appropriate.’

He decided to stop there.

‘Have you got any advice?’ said Sophie. ‘Should I be flirty?’

‘Now?’

‘With Tom Sloan.’

‘Oh. Yes. I see what you mean. No, not flirty. And he’s very suspicious of people who he thinks are telling him what he wants to hear.’

‘Right-o. What happens if he says no? What do we do then?’

‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.’

‘We’re about to come to it.’

The lift had arrived, but Sophie made no move to get into it. The doors closed and it was called elsewhere.

‘Brian doesn’t think he’ll say yes.’

‘He’ll love you.’

‘But what will we do if he doesn’t?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Dennis. ‘We’d have to have a chat.’

‘Would you just make it without me?’

‘The boys wouldn’t like that. They’re writing for you.’

‘So what could they do?’

‘I’ve no idea.’

‘What are their choices?’

‘It depends on how cross they are, I suppose.’

‘What about if they’re very cross?’

‘They could march off and show it to the other side, I suppose.’

‘They don’t have Comedy Playhouse, do they?’

‘No. They’d have to sketch out a series, but they’ve got lots of ideas. Anyway. It’s not going to come to that.’

‘Would you go with us?’

‘No. I’m a BBC employee. More’s the pity. The money’s much better over there. But please. It’s all going to be fine.’

The lift came back and this time Sophie got in it.

‘Thank you,’ she said when the doors had closed.

‘For what?’

‘I’ve got something to come back with if he doesn’t think I’m a good idea.’

‘No,’ said Dennis. ‘No. We don’t want to mention any of that to Tom. He hates the other lot. He’s losing all his best people.’

‘I can see why,’ said Sophie.

‘He hasn’t even done anything yet!’ said Dennis.