Frayed (Connections, #4)(63)

“Is the baby okay?” I asked.

She cried, nodding.

“Did you hold it?”

She cried even harder, nodding again.

Once I knew the baby was safe, my doubts were no more. I couldn’t hold the baby, because if I did I just knew I’d never be able to give it up. So on that day I signed my child over to its new parents, never seeing it, never knowing if it was a boy or girl because it didn’t matter. All I knew, all that mattered was that my child would be raised by two people who would forever love him or her. What I didn’t know is I would never stop loving that child either.

? ? ?

A familiar comforting hand runs up and down my back and I twist around, wiping my tears away.

“Bell, you know how much I love you. I want more than anything for you to be happy. And if you think this man will make you happy, I will accept him with open arms. But you have to be honest with him. I’ve been through a lot in my life and learned from my mistakes. I never told your brother who his real father was and I could have lost him because of that. I’m not trying to hurt you. I know thinking about the baby is painful, but please think about what I’ve said. I won’t bring it up again. How you move forward is your decision.”

With the memories so vivid and painful, I sit up and pull my mother to me. Eventually my cries muffle into familiar sobs as everything I’ve tried so hard to forget circles around me.





CHAPTER 19


Pain

Ben

The beach is quiet as I sit outside on the deck and sip a cup of coffee. After I left S’belle’s house I decided to come home and change quickly and then head into the office before going back to get her.

I can’t help thinking about her while I scan the ocean view. She’s just so f*cking sexy all I have to do is glance at her and I’m hard. Everything about her captures my attention—from her cute quirky personality to the sex kitten underneath it. I’m so hot for her I can hardly stand it. The strange thing is our day at the beach was so much fun and last night, although not what I planned, was still memorable. And I actually think that running into her mother and stepfather this morning didn’t turn out to be so bad. She’s been so determined not to tell her family that maybe this was the best way for them to find out about us.

Heading inside, I rinse my cup and walk into my bedroom. My dirty clothes are in a pile on the floor and I stop while picking them up to look at the picture on my dresser—my mother, my sister, Trent, and me just before my mother died. It’s hard to believe she’s been gone a year. I pull my phone from my pocket with an urge to talk to my sister.

“Hello,” she answers sleepily.

“Hi, it’s me. Did I wake you?”

“It’s okay. I have to get up anyway.”

“When did you get back?”

“Late last night.”

“How was Hawaii?”

“Oh, Ben, it was beautiful, fun, and amazing.”

“So, how does it feel to be a married woman again?”

She sighs happily and I can feel her smile through the phone. “The same but different.”

She’s always so matter-of-fact.

“Why don’t you come by for dinner tonight?”

“I can’t. I have plans,” I say.

“Oh yeah, what kind of plans?” she asks curiously.

“How about lunch tomorrow and I’ll catch you up?”

“That scares me.”

“Why?”

“I wasn’t gone that long and I talked to you a number of times. So the fact that I am unaware of something and need to be caught up kind of scares me.”

I chuckle. “I’ll call you tomorrow morning. I gotta run into the office now.”

“Okay, Ben, love you.”

“Love you too.” I hang up and can’t help wondering how she’s going to react to hearing the news.

? ? ?

Typing a response to one of the dozens of e-mails in my in-box, I click SEND and close it down. My crystal typewriter award is sitting on my desk and the way the sunlight hits it creates a mock rainbow around it that mesmerizes me. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep my glance from shifting to the screen of my phone for the umpteenth time. S’belle hasn’t contacted me yet and it’s killing me. It’s been more than six hours—I ran home and showered, came here expecting to stop in for only a few short minutes, and hours later I’m still here.

“Hey, man, you’re here,” Beck says from the doorway just as I pick up my phone to call S’belle.

“Technically I’m not.” I shove away from my desk.

“Yeah, right. Well, anyway, I want to show you this. I came up with it yesterday but couldn’t get it quite right until this morning.”

He sits down with his laptop in front of him at the conference table in the corner of my office.

I join him. “Okay, show me what you’ve got.”

“Be prepared for your world to be rocked,” he gloats.

I shake my head, thinking how much my world has already been rocked and how right now I’m tipping over the edge waiting to talk to her. As Beck walks me through a very detailed and complete design of how he plans to simultaneously launch all of Plan B’s holding into the social media arena, I sit back in awe, genuinely impressed by not only his skills, but his visionary talent. But when my phone chirps from across the room, my attention wanes.