Fractured Freedom(17)

Joy flowed through us all.

But the rage in me grew and grew.

She wouldn’t look at me.

When she did, it was like a storm of misery passed over her features. She combed her hands through her hair when I held her gaze at the end of the night, right before Dom told me to get ready to go to Ray’s.

As she disappeared down the hall, I nodded to him. “Sure. Going to go to the bathroom and tell your mom thank you for the dinner. I’ll meet you guys there.”

He shrugged, not thinking anything of it, and filled his flask before Dex yelled at him to hurry up.

I was down the hall in half a second, following the girl of my dreams before anyone could see my real objective.

She turned and gasped when she saw me right behind her, but I didn’t give her time to object. I yanked her into the bathroom and shut the door.

When I turned the lock, her eyes bulged, and she poked me in the chest. “What are you doing? Someone might find us in here!”

“Your brothers just left, and our parents are entertaining the neighbors. We’re fine,” I said, then leaned against the door to ensure she didn’t try to make a run for it.

“Well, I …” She twisted her dark curls, and then her hands were wringing themselves together. Her gaze jumped everywhere in that bathroom but never landed for one second on me. “I have to get back to my room.”

“Lilah,” I murmured while trying to get her attention, but she kept looking down. “Lilah. Look at me.”

She took a breath, and this time it was shaky, like she was pulling in air she could barely hold. “I don’t want to.”

“Why?” I croaked out and hated that it sounded so full of my own anguish. “I wrote you. I know it wasn’t much, but I was gone. I was doing a job. What happened between us?”

“What happened?” she whispered. “Nothing. Nothing happened. We slept together a few times, Dante. And then we were better off not together.”

“Is that so?” I asked and saw her bite her lip. She was struggling with something, but I was struggling with losing her. My pain wanted revenge, and even though I knew I should have kept digging to figure out what the real problem was, I wanted her pain even more. “Better off how? Better off with me going to fuck some random woman in this town tonight because I can’t have the one I want?”

She gasped, and then her eyes met mine with a fire that was bold, full of an emotion other than pain. “You don’t mean that.”

Finally, I saw life when she looked at me. I saw a reaction rather than regret. I pushed the envelope further. “Mean that I’ll fuck someone else or mean that I still want you? I mean both of those things. The latter more than the former. I’ve always wanted you, and I probably always will. And it’s your fault, Lilah. You dragged me down into that fucking hole, and now I can’t climb out.”

“It’s just better this way, Dante. You have the military. You’re doing so well. I heard you got into–”

“Don’t,” I cut her off. “Don’t make me feel good, Lilah. Unless you intend to make me feel good everywhere.”

My eyes raked over her body. Her breasts swelled as she breathed in, and then goosebumps popped up over her smooth skin. I couldn’t stop myself from stepping toward her and pulling her bottom lip from her mouth. She let me, even licked her lips as I stared at them. “Jesus Christ, I know you’re wet for me right now, pretty girl. I can practically smell it. I know the way it tastes too.”

“I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“You can’t or you don’t want to?”

“You know I want to, but I’m not strong enough. You’re gone and I’m here. It’s too much.”

“You knew I was in the military.” I pushed her. Something was off.

“I knew a lot.” She stepped back, and my hand fell from her chin. “I thought I knew so much. Until I didn't know anything.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Lilah.”

“We don’t make sense,” she threw back. Then she shook her head. “I can’t with you. I just can’t. You’re my brother’s best friend, and I’ve already lost so much.”

“So much what?” I practically bellowed. The woman didn’t make any sense, and I’d been gone too long, away from civilian life, away from working through my emotions. She jumped back at my yelling, and I wanted to tell her that this wasn’t me, that I didn’t want to scream at her, but it was me.

I was trained in screaming at people now.

I was trained in assassination and torture and extracting information. Maybe that’s what this was. Or maybe she couldn’t handle the distance or the pressure.

It didn’t matter.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter.” I rubbed my head and looked toward the ceiling. “You’re right.”

“I know I am.” She nodded and stood tall like she was regaining confidence in her stupid argument. “We’re better off letting what we had die.”

I nodded. “Sure are.” But I wasn’t going to let her off that easy. She didn’t get to have all the confidence that she was doing everything right here. “Except that mouth of yours that’s spewing all this bullshit is going to miss mine. And you can deny that you want me all you want, but your pussy is going to regret that decision, Lilah.”