Flawless Surrender (The Surrender Trilogy, #2)(52)
When he smiled, everyone nearby smiled with him. It was almost as if his duty to the world was to create joy, so it only made sense that he might do that on screen or on stage. Instead, the bright lights and craving for fame had broken him and knocked his knees out from underneath him.
She had observed him as he stepped back into the cowboy boots that he left behind and took up the reins of the cowboy lifestyle again. He was like a drop of sunshine on the withered plants, and already she had noticed a more relaxed air around the other ranch hands. He had a natural ability for reading both humans and animals, and his determination to shine a positive light on everything around him was one of the biggest things that she admired about him.
In the back of her mind she thought about what it would be like to have Clint as the father of her children and a life partner. There would never be a dull moment, and her children would never be faced with feeling unloved or unwanted. Wasn’t that exactly what she had always dreamed of? As the image of miniature Keegan offspring filled her brain, her heart stuttered in her chest.
Tanner hadn’t used a condom when they had sex the second time. That was exactly what she didn’t want for herself and her future offspring. If these three men committed to her, she wanted it to be because they couldn’t live without her, not because of some misplaced sense of obligation to her and an unplanned pregnancy.
Clint seemed to sense her sudden tension in his sleep, his arm tightened around her midsection, and he shifted to press his face into her hair, inhaling deeply.
“You okay, angel?” he murmured sleepily into her ear.
She nodded, but the emotional dam holding back all of her fears and worries was cracking. All it took was him rising up on one elbow and staring down into her eyes with a deep concern for her she wasn’t used to, and the dam broke. Tears filled her eyes and her chest sagged with a heavy sob.
“Oh shit, Zoey! What’s wrong, angel? Did we hurt you? Are you okay?” His immediate panic struck a chord in her chest and she sobbed harder.
Through her hiccupping cries she managed to mumble, “I’m fine, just emotional. This has been a rough week for me.”
The muscles in his body seemed to relax by a few degrees, and he tugged her over until she was draped over him like a small child. Her head tucked under his chin, and her legs slid between his spread thighs, so she was surrounded by the comfort he could give. “I know it has, angel. I’m sorry for that. Me and the guys just had to work through all of the kinks before we could address how much we all three wanted you.”
“It’s not just you guys. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do about my job, and where I’m going to live, and falling for three cowboys certainly changes any decisions I might make about both of those things.”
He held her in his arms, his strong heartbeat slowly calming her violent emotional outburst. When she was tearless and barely hiccupping, he spoke again. “Don’t freak me out like that, doll. I’m not good with crying, it kinda messes with my head.”
She giggled against his collarbone and pressed a kiss to the pulse throbbing in his neck. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure why I flipped like that. Everything just hit me all at once. I never imagined I would be considering sharing my body with three brothers.”
“Hopefully we made it good enough for you that you want to come back for more later.” His smug look of masculine satisfaction nearly had her denying it just to rile him, but instead she chose to stroke his ego with honesty.
“You couldn’t keep me away.” Relaxing into his gentle touch, she followed his hands as they stroked up her back to the nape of her neck, and back down to the base of her ass in a comforting sort of petting. “Clint, are you happy here? Back at the Triple T? Do you miss California?”
For a moment she didn’t think he would answer her, and when he took an enormous breath and let it all out in a whoosh, she started to shift away. His hands clamped down over her round ass cheeks and he growled a little. The sound was so unlike Clint that she felt her mouth drop open in surprise.
“I don’t miss California, because everything I want and need is in Texas.” Her sensitive female pride sufficiently flattered, she dropped her head back to his chest to listen. “Out there, I was surrounded by beautiful women, and powerful people, but I was also surrounded by con artists, and people so desperate to hold their dreams in their hands that they would do anything to get it. And I do mean anything. I’m not that person. I’m pretty easy going. I figure if life hands you lemons, consider it an offer to partake in body shots and find some Tequila.”
Laughter shook her, “That’s limes. You do body shots with limes.”
“Hey, you do shots your way, and I’ll do them mine. The point is, that I was na?ve and ridiculously ignorant of how to work the business. I don’t play politics very well, and coming back to the Triple T was probably the only thing that saved my life. Believe it or not, I have spent the last four months or so on anti-depressants. The doctor said that my depression was a chemical imbalance, and once the medicine got into my system it went a long way toward me regaining my optimistic attitude.”
This time she sat up completely to stare down at him in wonder, “I can’t believe you of all people were depressed! You were chasing your dreams, and making a good living, how could you be depressed?”
“Depression isn’t always about bad shit happening to ya. Sometimes it’s just a matter of not being able to cope with every day things. Anyway, I knew from the moment I saw your perky round ass be-bopping around the kitchen that first day that I had to have you, no matter what.” He pulled her down for a quick kiss, and when she was distracted, he rolled her, switching their positions. Even though he settled between her thighs, the move wasn’t sexual, somehow he used it to make her feel cherished. For the first time she began to suspect there were more layers to Clint just as she had found out with Dalton and Tanner.