Flawless Surrender (The Surrender Trilogy, #2)(46)

“No! Yes! fu-ck, I don’t know. Look, I think of myself as Dominant in the bedroom.”

Zoey’s laugh rang out, “Did you think I would turn you away for being bossy in bed?”

“Do you know what Dominant means? It means I have to have control of certain things, but it mainly means I want my partner’s complete trust and I want to protect and coddle her.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I know what it means, Tanner. I’ve read plenty of erotic romances, and I have a few submissive fantasies of my own. What I don’t understand is why you think I would turn you away for that.”

“I’ve gone to a local BDSM club with Parker to see if it suited me. It did in some ways, but the biggest thing that it taught me is that I’m not a lifestyle Dom. I like to play, and add elements of BDSM into my sex, but I don’t want anyone referring to me as Master, or expecting me to pick out her clothes.”

Zoey sighed with relief making Tanner laugh this time. “I’m glad to hear it, because I’m not sure I could call you Master without laughing.”

“fu-ck, I’m making a mess out of this.” He jumped to his feet and began pacing. “Doms don’t share.”

“Why?” Zoey didn’t move from where she sat, but her body was quivering with nerves. Could she possibly make him understand?

“Why? What do you mean why? What kind of Dom would I be if I shared my woman with two other men? With my brothers, no less.”

She waited for him to turn and meet her gaze. “Do you think less of Parker for his choice to share Rachel?”

“No, but that’s different.”

“Uh, pot meet kettle. It is not different. Parker shares Rachel with his brothers because he can see how much she loves them all. He’s willing to do what’s best for her first and foremost. Have you ever even bothered to talk to him or Rogan, or even Sawyer or Hudson? They will tell you that they make time to be alone with Rachel as well as all together because that’s what she needs. Rachel has even gone to The Cage with Parker. They enjoy a little bondage and discipline play occasionally, but the other guys don’t as much.” Zoey stood and brushed the grass off her butt, “You know, at one time I thought that you were the strongest man I knew. The kind of man who didn’t take shit from anyone, and would always be there when he was needed. I need you, Tanner. I need you, Dalton, and Clint, but if I can’t have all of you, then I don’t want any.”

She spun on her heel and walked back to her horse leaving Tanner behind. It took her a couple of tries to get her foot in the stirrup because she was struggling to see clearly through the tears in her eyes, but once she did, she turned her horse and set off for the ranch house. She didn’t care that it was dark and she was alone, all that mattered was her desire to escape the pain in her gut. Her make or break moment had broken her heart into millions of pieces. Tanner would never let go of his ideals enough to even try.

A few seconds later the sound of a horse came up hard and fast behind her, startling her and her mount. Turning, she saw the hard line of Tanner’s jaw in the moonlight before he reached out and grabbed her reins from her hand.

"I'm not good enough for you, damn it. Don't you get that?" His chest heaved and she stared back in stunned fascination as he glared at her.

"What?"

"I'm a rancher, not some college educated doctor, or anything. I'm just a cowboy who works his fingers to the bone from dawn to dusk. I'm in the saddle just minutes after I swig a pot of coffee, and I fall out of the saddle when the hunger in my belly gets too bad to think straight. Occasionally I want to be able to tie a woman up, and spank her ass, or tease her until we’re both mindless. I want her to submit to me, and trust me with every ounce of herself because she knows that all I want is what’s best for her. You have to just stay away from me. I know you think that you want me, but you don't deserve this life, Zoey. You deserve so much more."

Refusing to be pushed away, she reached out and pulled the reins back into her grip, “What in the world gave you the idea that I needed a man with a college education to make me happy? And I will gladly let you tie me down and fu-ck me senseless, spank me, flog me, dominate me. Please! All I have ever wanted is for you to give us a chance. I've wanted you for years, and every time I've gotten close to you, you've pushed me away. Do you know what that does to a girl’s self-esteem?"

"I told you I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect you. I am happy for you and my brothers, but I can't get in the middle of it. Those two are what you need.”

"You’re right, I do want Dalton," Zoey said softly, and her heart clenched when Tanner's strong shoulders drooped in defeat.

"But I want you too, and for the record, I want Clint as well. Yes, I know that's stingy, and ridiculous, and maybe it all started out of pure jealousy over my best friend having four hot men—" A low growl rumbled out of his chest. "Oh shut up, they are hot, but not as hot as you three. Maybe I started out wanting to try a ménage, and ended up finding out that I need it too. I want all three of you. For the long haul, however we can make it work. I don't care if you're in the saddle six days a week, as long as at night you're in my bed, and on Sundays you make time for me. Don't you get it you jackass? I love you."

Tanner’s jaw dropped open, and he and his horse came to a dead stop. Zoey slowed her own horse, and turned to face him. Moving closer so she could see the expression on his face in the faint light, she waited for the hammer to drop. She had admitted her feelings for him, now he would go running.