Finding Grace(69)

When it rained, she liked to lie in the dark, safe and secure under the covers, and listen to the water tapping on the roof. It comforted her, made her feel like the outside world was far away, and that if she chose, she could stay in this little room for the rest of her life and never see another soul.

It was true to say that very little changed in her life day to day. Practically every single thing was predictable, reliable… and Lucie liked it that way.

She felt herself very slowly settling down. The turmoil in her head receded a tiny bit more each week. Her daily scheduled tasks soothed the festering wound inside like a healing balm.

What everyone else took to be a menial, boring existence, Lucie craved and soaked up. That was just the way it was.

But she had changed irrevocably. Inside, where nobody could see.

The slightest upset – like the morning the bus broke down and the passengers had to get off and queue in a strange part of town for another one – could unhinge her for days afterwards. She’d become restless in the night and fractious at work. Memories would stir, resurface, and it took tremendous effort to push them back again.

One afternoon, she heard two customers talking at the table next to the counter. It was a slow day and the café was quieter than usual, and her ears pricked up when she heard the name of a popular wedding venue in town, The Carlton Hotel.

‘They’re going to need all sorts of positions filled: hospitality, waiters, bartenders… Tell him to mark his CV for the attention of Pamela Simpson; she’s the HR person there.’

Suddenly she felt ready to move on with her life. Rhonda’s death became something to drive her to make the most of her life. She couldn’t spend the rest of her days in her childhood bedroom, living with her dad.

It felt like a good time to put everything that had happened behind her and bury her time at university for good.





Forty-Nine





She’d been working at The Carlton for two years when Blake picked her up from work one day.

‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’ He grinned, restless with excitement.

Instead of taking her home, he drove her to a nearby park she loved to visit. They sometimes came here on a weekend if the weather was fine. They’d feed the ducks and sit on one of the wooden benches around the large pond, watching the world go by.

It was a beautiful day. The sky was a deep azure blue and the temperature soared, causing the front pages of all the newspapers to feature photographs of packed beaches and little kids enjoying ice creams. You could be forgiven for thinking you were living abroad.

Blake stood up. ‘I have something for you,’ he said softly.

She expected him to go and fetch a picnic from the car – he knew how much she loved picnics – but instead, he produced a small dark red velvet box and dropped to one knee.

‘Lucie, I love you. Will you marry me?’

Her mouth dropped open as he flicked up the lid of the box and a beautiful diamond solitaire sparkled in the sunlight.

‘Yes!’ she whispered as Blake jumped up and kissed her on the lips.

She’d started as an events planner when she first joined The Carlton, and had been swiftly promoted until finally, after eighteen months, the manager offered her the highly respected position of wedding planner.

Now, Lucie spent her days at work showing soon-to-be-married couples around the venue and then attending their weddings to ensure everything ran smoothly.

She’d often wondered if she and Blake might get married one day and have a wedding of their own to organise, and now it was finally going to happen.

In true Blake style, their engagement was low-key. He slid the ring gently on to her finger and they went to a local wine bar to toast the occasion with a glass of champagne.

That suited Lucie down to the ground. The thought of a big, glitzy party made her feel queasy. She had no friends to speak of, anyway. Blake knew hundreds of people as part of his involvement with the local political scene, but as a couple, they kept themselves to themselves.

They were very close, but of course, there was a part of her life that Lucie knew she could never share. For a time, she thought it wouldn’t make a difference, but she came to realise that it did encroach on their intimacy. It was always there.

Still, she felt grateful and blessed to have found happiness at all. Considering.

And foolishly, she really believed that in time, she would forget all about Stefan O’Hara.



In contrast, a year later, it was a cold, miserable day when she left work. The television weather forecasters had been grim in their estimation of the prospects for summer that year. Yes, it was June, but that day it had felt more like a cool October afternoon.

Lucie wrapped her insubstantial mac tighter and tied the belt as she walked, lost in a reverie about her forthcoming wedding and the comprehensive advertising campaign The Carlton had run for their upcoming wedding fairs.

‘Oh!’ She almost collided with a man who suddenly appeared in her path. ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you…’

Her voice tapered off and she stepped aside and backed up against the wall of a nearby newsagent’s shop.

Her legs began to shake, her lips trembled.

The man stepped back. Raised his hands in an unthreatening manner.

‘I’m sorry. I know it’s a shock, but I don’t want to alarm you, or hurt you, Lucinda. That person you knew all those years ago is dead. Gone.’