Finding Grace(45)

A heat flushed through her. His candour was disarming, as were his compliments. It was just bullshit, she knew that, but still. She couldn’t help a part of her responding to him.

‘I’m nineteen, from Nottingham, and if I’m truthful, I was full of excitement at coming to Newcastle and now I’m wondering if I’ve done the right thing.’

‘Completely natural,’ Stefan declared, taking a swig from his can of Coca-Cola. ‘I felt the same way myself when I did my first degree.’

‘First degree?’

She’d spotted he was older than everyone else at the table. Maybe he was a lecturer? She glanced over at the staring girl again and saw her seat was now empty.

‘I’m what polite people call a lifelong student and what everyone else calls a bit of a waster, I suppose.’ He laughed heartily. ‘I didn’t feel ready for a job when I completed my BA in English, a good few years ago now. So I did a history degree, and after that, I still felt exactly the same, so now I’m studying for an MA in history of art.’

Lucie started a little mental arithmetic.

‘I’m nearly thirty, if you were wondering.’ He grinned.

‘No! I mean, I wasn’t…’

‘See, I’m a good person to hang around with. There’s nothing I don’t know about this place, nothing I haven’t seen. If you’ve got a problem, don’t bother with your useless house manager or your tutors, just come and see your uncle Stefan.’

She nodded, felt her shoulders relax a little.

Stefan seemed really nice, as did everyone else in the group. Lucie noticed there was another guy sitting a little further down the table who also looked older, but the rest of them seemed to be freshers like herself.

On the one hand, everyone seemed so relaxed but she thought she could sense something else, something strange and unidentifiable, running underneath like a current that belied the apparent calmness of the surface.

Stefan’s voice broke through her thoughts.

‘So, have you got any brothers or sisters at home?’

‘Just me and my dad,’ Lucie said. ‘He’s really proud I made it to university, but he’s devastated at the same time. I never really knew my mum and she died a long time ago, so it’s been hard on my dad, me leaving home.’

As she said the words, she felt surprised to hear herself opening up to Stefan. He just seemed to have that way about him; like he was a good listener and wouldn’t judge.

‘Oh, that’s just the old empty-nest syndrome,’ he remarked, waving his hand dismissively. ‘Nearly kills them, but they soon get over it. This is your time to enjoy life; don’t let guilt spoil it for you.’

Lucie pressed her lips together, not wanting to comment. Half of her knew he was right, but the other half felt disloyal speaking about her dad like this, especially with a stranger.

She’d made a real effort to text regularly and call Pete each day, but it never seemed to be enough for him.

When she’d woken up this morning, he had already sent two texts. The first one complained that he’d expected to chat to her before nine a.m. and why was she sleeping in so late? The second one demanded exact details of what she was cooking and eating.

She missed her father dearly, she really did. But after only a few days away from home, she was realising to what extent her every move had been governed by him. She had never complained, because it was all she’d ever known and she fully understood that it came from a place of pure good intentions.

‘Dad worries terribly about me,’ she said when she realised Stefan was still waiting for her to say something. ‘I’m texting and calling him lots, but I think he expects more of me.’

He shook his head. ‘Wrong way to go about it. You need to make a real effort to contact him less.’ He shuffled his chair a tiny bit closer to hers. ‘Think of it this way. You’ll be helping him get a life, too. He’s probably given up so much, looking after you the best he could, and now he has more time to enjoy the stuff he wants to do. He just has to realise that.’

Lucie felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She’d never looked at it like that. What Stefan was saying made perfect sense.

‘I think you’re right,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

‘I know I’m right.’ He smiled. ‘Like I said, I’ve seen it all. Ever read “This Be The Verse” by Philip Larkin? I reckon he’s spot on when he talks about your mum and dad fucking you up. Most of them do, in my experience.

Lucie gave him a weak smile, but she didn’t agree with Larkin and said so. ‘To be fair, my dad has done his level best to make sure I have every chance in life.’

Stefan’s rugged features moved closer, and she saw tiny amber flecks in the depths of his chocolate-brown eyes. ‘Admit it, though. You’re still a little bit fucked up, right?’

Lucie laughed, thinking about her loner-bordering-on-sociopath tendencies since she’d arrived in Newcastle.

‘I suppose you’re right,’ she agreed reluctantly.

‘Don’t worry, doll.’ He smiled, baring wolfish incisors that she actually found rather attractive. ‘We’re all fucked up here.’





Thirty-Three





Olivia