Falling into Place(38)

Liam told himself that Liz would be too drunk to remember. On Monday, when she gave no more acknowledgment of his existence than she ever had, he figured that he was right.


He wasn’t.

When Liz woke up, she ran to the bathroom and puked. After, she leaned against the toilet and put her head against the wall, and she thought of him. She wondered. Why.

She was tired. Gravity pulled at her more aggressively than usual. When she closed her eyes, she could feel it, dragging her deeper, deeper.

I would have pulled her back. I would have saved her from falling, but she didn’t see my hand.



CHAPTER FORTY-TWO


Thirty-Eight Minutes Before Liz Emerson Crashe d her Car


Gravity.

That was the ultimate force, wasn’t it? The last acceleration. And then the crash.

Maybe, she thought, he sees something that no one else can see.

In me.

And then she laughed.

She didn’t really understand gravity, but then she didn’t really understand Liam either. She drove and remembered his eyes in the light of the ridiculous chandelier, the odd grace of his fingers, the way he called her stupid without scorn.

They were very hazy, the memories, and she supposed that was her own fault. Alcohol and pot—she didn’t remember much of that night, but she remembered Liam.

It was ironic because she had other, much clearer memories of Liam that she would much, much rather forget, and never would.

But she supposed that was her fault too.



CHAPTER FORTY-THREE


Glances


Julia and Kennie sit with Liz’s mom. Both of them watch Liam, and both of them are trying to keep the other from noticing.

“I hope my mom doesn’t come back,” Kennie says quickly to Julia, when Julia catches her glancing around the waiting room again.

“She won’t,” says Julia. “Doesn’t she have a church meeting or something? I’ll take you home. I don’t know where my keys are, though.” She looks across the room, though her keys are in her pocket.

And so it goes.

Julia is tempted to go over and finally apologize for what they did, but why should Liam listen to her? Kennie, on the other hand, remembers all the horrible things she’s said about him and starts crying again, because she doesn’t remember exactly when she turned into such an awful human being.

Liam stares out the window.



CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR


Thirty-Five Minutes Before Liz Emerson Crashed Her Car


They had acceleration, she, Kennie, and Julia. They had mass. They goaded and mocked and multiplied each other, and so they had force. They were the catalysts, the fingers that tipped the first domino. They started things that grew into other things that were much greater than themselves.

A touch, a nudge in the wrong direction, and everyone fell down.



CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE


Falling


On the first day of fifth grade, Liz was sitting on the swing beside Liam’s at recess, falling and flying. Her hair fanned out behind her and her eyes were closed, and that was what had caught his attention, her closed eyes. She looked a little bit silly and very much alive, and Liam couldn’t stop watching.

Liz, on her part, was aware that the boy beside her was watching, but she loved swinging too much to care what he thought. She loved the wind hitting her face and the brief moment of suspension at the top of the arc and the falling sensation that was magnified by the darkness of her eyelids. She imagined that she was a bird, an angel, a wayward star.

At the height of the arc, she let go. And she flew.

Liam watched with his mouth hanging wide open, expecting her to crumple on the asphalt and die tragically before his eyes.

She didn’t, and when she walked away, Liam’s heart followed.


The year after, they started middle school and chose electives for the first time. Liz and Julia chose choir. Kennie and Liam chose band, which was fine, but they both chose to play the flute, which was not.

Liam became the first boy in the history of Meridian to sit in the flute section, and he didn’t mind because he was damn good.

Kennie did mind, because Liam was damn good, better than she would ever be, which meant that she would be stuck in second chair for the rest of her life.


On the second day of freshman year, Kennie stomped out of band fuming about how Liam was a kiss-ass and a dick and totally full of himself, and Liz, tired of her crap, interrupted to say, “Then do something about it.”