Everything After(43)

She took out a pair of regular jeans, the tightest ones she owned, and put them on with a black cami, one she usually wore under a blazer. But she left off the blazer, and added a pair of heels. Then she walked to the bathroom and braided half of her hair into a crown, something she hadn’t done in thirteen years. She was a bit more heavy-handed with her makeup than usual. And went to her jewelry box to find a pair of old silver hoop earrings to complete the look. While she was there, she saw the four-leaf clover necklace that Rob had given her years before; she’d never been able to give it away.

Emily looked at herself in the mirror again and smiled. She looked like a musician.

It felt good to be Queenie again.





xxvii



I met someone today, in the elevator at work. I’d seen him around before, but he never noticed me. He never seemed to notice much of anything, he was so absorbed in his own mind.

It turns out his name is Ezra. Dr. Ezra Gold. And he works in pediatric oncology. When he started talking about his job, all I kept thinking about were the babies who wouldn’t make it and how difficult that must be. Every time. I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to handle it.

“I’m impressed,” I told him, when he told me what he did. “It must be hard.”

“You know,” he said, “I was just talking to my students about quality of life during illness. And I think that’s important in any medical field, but especially when you work with children. If these little people only have three or seven or eleven years on this planet, I want to make sure that the time they spend here is as easy and fun and happy and painless as I can make it.”

I think I may have fallen in love with him right then, right there in the elevator. I don’t think it was love at first sight, but maybe love at first listen? It’s so rare to find someone whose head and heart, whose intelligence and empathy are so connected, so in line with each other.

I told him I’d love to hear more about his job, and he invited me out for lunch.

I haven’t ever been this excited about a lunch date.

I haven’t been this excited about another human being since I met your dad.





37



Emily met Priya at the PATH train. Her suede jacket was open over her cami.

“Look at you!” Priya said, when she arrived.

Emily laughed. “Is it too much? Should I tone down the makeup? Take down my hair?”

Priya shook her head. “Not at all, you look great.”

As the women sat on the train together, Priya said, “I feel like we’re going on an adventure. Crossing state lines.”

“It does kind of feel like an adventure.” Emily felt almost giddy, happier than she’d been in the five days since she lost the baby, since her fight with Ezra. But still not happy. She thought about the maxi pads she’d stuffed into her purse. She was still bleeding. Her husband was still gone.

“So tell me about this ex-boyfriend business,” Priya said. “And why it’s so complicated.”

The PATH train was jostling them along. Emily took a deep breath. She wasn’t completely sure where to start.

“So you know that song ‘Crystal Castle’ that’s been playing everywhere?” she asked.

“Of course,” Priya said. “I built you a castle in my dreams, with something and something and la la la la la la la seems. That one.”

Emily laughed. Rob would crack up if he heard that rendition of the lyrics. “Yeah,” she said, “that one. So, it’s about me.”

“What?!” Priya said, her eyes wide in surprise. “You? How do you know? How do you know that guy?”

“College,” Emily said. “We were in a band together and crazy in love.”

Priya shook her head. “You contain multitudes,” she said.

“Don’t we all?” Emily said back.

Priya laughed. “I guess we do. But wait, you were in a band with this guy, what, twelve years ago, and he’s still so in love with you that he wrote a song about you? What does Ezra think?”

Emily looked down at her fingernails, at the half-moon crescents at their base. “He hasn’t come home since I told him,” she said. “First he wanted a night alone, and then he took on an extra overnight call as a favor to a friend, and now he’s spending a night with his parents in Princeton to help them move furniture. They all seem reasonable reasons to stay away from home but . . . taken together . . . and after we fought . . . and knowing how Ezra processes things . . .”

“That feels like an overreaction to me,” Priya said. “Is this triggering something else? Something from his past?”

“Well,” Emily answered, “he didn’t know about the band or even that I played piano as well as I do and . . . on top of that I ended up telling him that Rob—I mean Austin Roberts—and I got pregnant in college and I had a miscarriage then, too. I perhaps didn’t handle it as well as I could have.”

Priya looked at her for a moment. “I’m just your friend right now,” she said.

Emily nodded. “You’re not a therapist. Just my friend.”

Priya smiled. “Okay,” she said. “As your friend, I’ll say: He’s a little old to give someone the silent treatment. I bet he’s done things that you don’t know about, too. Things he was ashamed to tell you or felt were private.”