Dumped, Actually(66)

I’m expecting a lot of chanting and deep breathing. Maybe with a little light stretching to go along with it. I have done absolutely no research prior to coming to this class today, so have no actual idea what mindfulness is – only that it’s some kind of new-age meditation thing that probably requires joss sticks and kaftans at some stage, to make it truly work for you.

‘Hello, everyone,’ Lizzy says, settling herself on to her own mat. ‘Welcome to this week’s class. I know a lot of you have been many times before, but we have a few fresh faces, so I’m just going to briefly explain what mindfulness is all about.’

As she does this, my entire opinion begins to change.

Mindfulness sounds a lot more sensible than I thought it would.

The idea that consciously spending more time in the present moment – rather than constantly looking back or looking forwards – can be beneficial to our mental health sounds quite reasonable.

All I seem to do is look back on my past failures, and worry about my future ones, so getting out of the habit of doing that – even for a short period of time – sounds rather fantastic to me.

I’ve never been one to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, so mindfulness seems like an alien concept – but I’m happy to give it a go, as what do I really have to lose?

In a soft, gentle voice, Lizzy starts to talk to the whole class, instructing us to close our eyes, breathe comfortably and try to let our minds relax by focussing on the environment around us, and letting all other thoughts and distractions fade away.

This is incredibly hard for me to do – at least at first. My mind is a maelstrom of doubt, recrimination, worry, depression and anxiety. How on earth do I even begin to let that go?

Slowly, though, as Lizzy’s soft tone lulls my brain, I do start to let my thoughts dribble away to a certain extent. The more I attune myself to my immediate surroundings, the more I am able to ignore the thoughts that pass through my brain.

So much so that by the time the half-hour class has passed, I actually feel quite calm and chilled out.

This is a revelation.

I say as much to Lizzy as the class packs up their yoga mats.

‘Great, isn’t it?’ she tells me. ‘I hope you can see why it helped me so much with my anxiety and depression after Alfie left. The fact you’ve had such a good experience your first time means that mindfulness might just be the thing for you!’

I nod in happy agreement. ‘I think you might be right! When’s the next class?’

‘I’m running another one in a couple of days, if you want to come to that too.’

‘You know what? I think I will!’


And you know what? I do!

Only this time I bring a friend along . . .

‘Oh God, chief. This is barking mad,’ Wimsy says, with a disgusted look on his face. ‘How the hell you persuaded me to come here is beyond me.’

I clap him on the back. ‘Trust me, Wims. It’ll be good for you. I’ve felt worlds better in the couple of days since the last session.’

He squints at me. ‘You sure you didn’t go out and get drunk after it?’

‘Haven’t touched a drop,’ I tell him, shaking my head.

I drag Wimsy – who is decked out in a pair of my old grey jogging bottoms – into the community centre hall like a dead weight.

He may be reluctant to be a part of this, but it’ll be good for him – I just know it. Also, having a friend along for the experience will add a little colour to the story I’m writing – if he lets me mention him, that is. Wimsy has been adamant that he doesn’t get included in any of my ‘Dumped Actually’ stories so far, but I’m hoping he might change his mind, if this is a positive experience for him.


And what do you know? It absolutely is!

‘Blimey, that was pretty good,’ he says, after we’ve popped our yoga mats back. ‘I thought it would be a complete waste of time, but I actually feel calm for the first time in ages. My right eye has stopped twitching entirely.’

‘That’s just how I felt! Unbelievable, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah. I’m fucking flabbergasted. I’m really glad you made me come along, Ollie.’

It’s at this point Lizzy Moore comes over to say hello. ‘How are you both?’ she asks expectantly. She knows she’s on to a good thing here, and wants to make sure everyone else feels the same way.

‘Great, Lizzy, thank you again,’ I tell her.

Wimsy says nothing.

Wimsy has gone bright red.

Ah.

I think there might be more than one reason why Wimsy is glad I brought him along.

‘And did you get something out of it . . . er, Wimsy, was it?’

‘Mm.’

‘Yeah, that’s his name!’ I butt in, instinctively understanding what’s going on here. ‘He really liked the mindfulness too, didn’t you, Wimsy?’ No response. ‘Didn’t you, Wimsy?’

‘Yeah. Yeah. It was great,’ he eventually says. ‘You’re lovely.’

It’s Lizzy’s turn to get a bit red in the face. ‘Thank you, Wimsy. That’s a very nice thing to say. I’m glad you came along, and hope you’ll be back.’

Wimsy’s head nods so fast it’s a wonder it doesn’t fall off and roll into the corner. ‘Yeah, yeah. I’ll be back! Don’t worry about that!’