Dumped, Actually(63)

Once Riley is gone, Sam turns back to me and folds her arms for a second. ‘What the hell to do with you, Oliver Sweet,’ she says, shaking her head. Then she reaches out a hand and points at the Wendy house. ‘In there, you.’

‘Pardon?’

‘Back in there. I want to do this in private.’

My face flushes. What does she want to do in private?

I don’t answer her, but crouch back down and crawl into the Wendy house again as I’ve been ordered to do, swiftly followed by Sam, who does it with a lot more grace than me.

I sit cross-legged on one side, while she does the same on the other. We can both sit up like this fine. It’s quite the expansive Wendy house. No wonder Lauren likes being in here.

Sam looks at me silently for a few moments, no doubt thinking of the best way to start this awkward, but necessary, conversation.

‘You don’t need to apologise, Ollie,’ she eventually says. ‘And that’s because I don’t have to apologise to you, either. I know what I did at Thorn Manor was a shitty thing, but I was trapped and confused, and didn’t handle it well.’

I hold out a hand. ‘Please. You were absolutely right to do what you did. I was clearly coming on way too strong. I should never have put you in that position. Not that fast, anyway. I should have . . . I should have . . .’

I don’t know what I should have.

The absolute worst thing about all of this is that if I wasn’t such a needy little sod, then maybe my relationship with Sam would have flourished properly, over the right amount of time, and maybe my marriage proposal would have had a far more positive answer.

That way I wouldn’t be sat cross-legged in a Wendy house across from a beautiful, intelligent and good woman – who I lost because of my stupidity.

‘Stop it,’ she says.

‘Huh?’

‘Stop it, Ollie. Stop beating yourself up.’

‘What else am I supposed to do?’

‘Forgive. Forgive us both. I have. It’s not your fault that you were the way you were with me, and it’s not my fault I had to end it with you. I don’t want to spend a moment more resenting you, and I don’t want you to resent me, either.’

I nod slowly. ‘Look, I am so sorry for the way I’ve written about you.’

Sam shakes her head. ‘Don’t worry about it. You were never that awful, Ollie. I don’t think you could be, even if you tried. It’s one of the reasons I was attracted to you in the first place. I was just upset that I was being made out as the villain of the piece.’

‘I’ll make it up to you!’ I blurt. ‘I’ll do a write-up about what happened here today, and I’ll make sure everybody knows what the truth is! If . . . If you want me to, that is.’

Sam’s eyes narrow as she thinks about this. ‘That’d be nice, yes. Thank you. Though maybe don’t say anything about hiding in here with Lauren. People might get the wrong idea.’

I shake my head. ‘People have had the wrong idea about me for months now, don’t worry about it. Thankfully they just all think I’m a fumbling idiot, rather than a pervert. I can’t leave Lauren out, anyway. She’s kind of the star of the piece.’

Sam actually laughs at this. Her face lights up, and my heart starts to break all over again.

I look at Sam and heave a deep sigh. ‘I was never good enough for you,’ I tell her.

Sam shuffles forward and does something that takes me completely by surprise. She wraps her arms around me.

‘Yes, you were,’ she says into my ear. ‘You were – and are – a lovely man in so many ways, Ollie. I knew that then, and I know it even more now from what I’ve read about you.’ She then moves her head slightly away from me, so her face is right in front of mine. ‘You just need to . . . I don’t know . . . find your centre. Do you know what I mean?’

‘I think so.’

‘You tried to make me your centre.’ She shakes her head. ‘But it’ll never be right, Ollie. It’ll never be right until it . . . until it comes from inside you. You know what I mean?’

I can’t believe I lost this girl. I can’t believe it at all.

‘Yeah, I know what you mean. But . . . But I don’t know how, Sam. I don’t know where to find it.’

‘You will.’

‘Will I?’

‘Yes. You just need to get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do. Why you . . . push things too hard. That’s all.’

That’s all, she says. Like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

‘Okay, Sam. I’ll try.’

‘Good.’ She smiles and looks around for a second. ‘Now. If you wouldn’t mind, I want to give you one last kiss.’

‘What?’

‘You heard me. I love Riley to pieces, but I did love you as well, Ollie. Even if it was only for a very brief moment in my life. I want the last memory I have of you to be a good one. Do you want that too?’

No, Sam. I want the last memory I have of you to be when I die an old and happy man.

‘Yeah,’ I tell her. ‘That’d be nice.’

Sam leans forward and plants her lips on mine.

It is the best and worst kiss I will ever receive in my life.

The ghost of it will stay with me for the rest of my days.