Dumped, Actually(46)

‘I don’t know,’ I tell her. ‘I’m trying my hardest to find out, but so far I just don’t know.’

Now I feel like crying.

Again.

Vanity shakes her head. ‘Everything I do, everything I see. It just reminds me of him.’

‘Yeah, I know that feeling.’

She looks up at me through tear-soaked eyes and gives me a small, vulnerable smile. ‘Thank you for not leaving. It’s nice to have somebody I can talk to about this . . . finally.’

And that says a lot, doesn’t it? That this beautiful, rich and apparently self-confident woman can feel so messed up by heartbreak that she can’t bear to speak about it with the people she knows.

Losing the people we love breaks all of us, no matter who we are. That’s the thing about proper love. It’s a great leveller.

This feels like an appropriate moment for a nice hand hold.

Yes. That feels very nice indeed.

Vanity squeezes my hand and drinks more of her coffee as we sit in silence for a moment.

‘Will you . . . Will you write about this?’ she eventually asks me.

‘Um . . . probably. But I won’t if you don’t want me to.’

She nods. ‘No. No, you should. I think that . . . I think that it would be a good story for you.’ She smiles. ‘And I probably deserve it, after what I’ve done.’

Bless her. She’s obviously trying to make it up to me, by giving me permission to make a fool out of her on the internet.

‘I’ll change your name, Vanity,’ I tell her. ‘No one needs to know it was you.’

She nods. ‘Okay.’ Her hand squeezes mine again. ‘Would you like to talk about her? Samantha, I mean?’

I puff out my cheeks. ‘Would you really want to hear about her?’

‘Yes. And maybe I can tell you about Alessandro. It might . . . It might help us both?’

‘To talk about it all, you mean?’

‘Yes. Maybe . . .’

What a strange and incredible night this has been. I start out as somebody’s pet, in a club I have no business being in, I meet the most beautiful woman in the world, who I have some extremely awkward sex with, and now I’m actually considering an impromptu therapy session about heartbreak with that same woman.

Incredible.

And so, for the next four hours, Vanity and I talk. And talk. And talk.

It’s like we’re both opening our wounds as much as we can, so we can clean them out, and get some fresh blood in there.

It’s painful. It’s cathartic. It’s draining. It’s quite wonderful.

I end up putting Vanity to bed with a kiss on the cheek at 4 a.m., and get a few hours’ sleep on her exceptionally comfortable black couch.

I then leave at ten o’clock the next morning . . . feeling ever so slightly renewed.

Callie Donnelly advised me to go out and try to find a new romance, so I would feel better about myself. I didn’t think it would work at all . . . but I’ve been proved wrong – even if it’s not for the reasons Miss Donnelly thought.

For the first time I feel like there might be a life for me beyond Samantha. I think Vanity feels the same way about Alessandro.

I still hold the pain close to my chest, but maybe something has shifted in me, after the night I’ve just had.

Call it a slight change in perspective, if you will.

I am not alone in this.

That’s what I’ve learned.

Even the best and boldest of us can be brought low by our heartache. That is something that I find strangely comforting.

We’re all prey to the vagaries of our quest to find the right person to love. Every single one of us. But sometimes I think we all need reminding of that – instead of believing that we’re the only ones in the deep, dark hole.

Vanity proved that isn’t the case for me, and I am eternally grateful for that. That’s the main thing I will take away from the last twenty-four hours of my life.

That, and the fact I will never be able to play Super Mario again without getting an erection.





INTERLUDE

From: Ahmed Rahami ([email protected])

To Mr Sweet at Actual Life,

‘Dumped Actually’ is a fantastic read, Mr Sweet. It’s a lot of fun reading it. It also reminds me of a very bad time in my life. But now things are better and I can look back on it without feeling the hurt! My marriage ended in very bad circumstances. My first wife, Rafia, had an affair with my cousin, Syed, when I was out of the country, visiting the rest of my family. Syed had always wanted Rafia, but I never thought she would leave me for him, as I am taller, more handsome and have better prospects. But then Syed was once in an episode of Casualty, so maybe she was blinded by fame.

It felt like I would never get over it. The thing that worked for me, though, was throwing myself into my work as much as possible. I hadn’t made much effort with my job as an IT consultant before my marriage failed. It was just a way to make money. But after I was single again, I made a lot more of it. This led to a promotion and the praise of my boss. All of this made me feel much better about myself. I was strong enough to go on with my life. I now have a new wife, and a three-year-old son. I met my wife at work! So my suggestion to you is to work hard and make the people you work for proud of you. This will make you feel proud too! Impress them as much as you can. Make yourself valuable to them and your work. Nothing is better at making you feel better.