Dreams of 18(13)

But can anyone blame me?

I’m used to being invisible.

Ten months ago, the world didn’t care about me. They didn’t know who I was. They didn’t care if I sat in the back of a room or walked down the street with my headphones on or sang along to a song tunelessly in my backyard or climbed up to the roof at night or read books on a park bench.

No one cared that I could disappear into my own world.

But there’s no disappearing now. There’s no my own world when the entire world seems to be watching me.

When my own friend is watching me like I’m about to blow.

My eyes sting but I blink and take a deep breath.

Everything is fine, Violet.

“Can we please not talk about it?” I almost beg.

Willow stares at me a beat before nodding. “Absolutely. We totally don’t have to.” Then, she beams. “Let’s talk about how awesome my husband is.”

I breathe in a sigh of relief and sit back. “Oh yeah?”

“Uh-huh. He bought me this set of all the Harry Potters. Brand new covers. With illustrations. He says it’s a wedding present. Can you believe it?”

Willow is a Harry Potter fiend. Like, you can’t be her friend if you don’t know what Quidditch is and where to find the train that will take you to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Oh, and she makes you take a test to determine which house is yours.

I’m a Hufflepuff.

“That’s your wedding present?” I cup my chin in my palm. “What about other things? Like, you know, stuff that requires a bed and a bedroom.”

“Oh, there’s that.” A dreamy smile. “There’s so much of that. But for the record, it does not require a bed and a bedroom. A table, a couch, a floor. A wall. All of that works too.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Let’s not talk about that. I can’t think of Dr. Blackwood in those terms.”

So I met Willow while I was at Heartstone.

Okay, so last summer and a little bit of fall, I spent some time at Heartstone Psychiatric Hospital because of how things blew up on the night of my eighteenth birthday.

Actually, that was the only bright spot in all the misery that followed: spending time at Heartstone. I liked it there. I liked how invisible I was. How people didn’t pay me any attention. It was peaceful unlike how crappy my life had become.

Oh and I made some friends while on the Inside too.

“Fine. Although I love thinking about Dr. Blackwood in those terms. That’s how I got through all those sessions back at Heartstone.”

I cover my ears with my hands. “No more!”

She laughs, her face and her signature silver hair glowing.

It’s love. Love can do that to you.

No matter how unconventional it is. And Willow Taylor and Dr. Simon Blackwood’s love story is unconventional, to say the least.

They are the two people who never should’ve fallen in love. In fact, there are rules against it.

Things like that don’t happen in real life. You don’t fall in love with your psychiatrist and you certainly don’t marry him over your Christmas break from college.

But somehow all of that happened to Willow and I couldn’t be happier for her.

A second later, the coffee shop door opens and the other two members of our little gang step inside: Penny and Renn.

And as usual, they’re bickering. That’s what they always do.

“I can’t believe you did that. I still can’t believe you did that,” Penny says, disbelief evident in her voice.

Renn shrugs. “Well, why can’t you? It’s me. What else do you expect from me?”

Penny shakes her head as they approach our table. “You’re gross.”

“You’re just jealous because you didn’t come up with it yourself.”

They both drop down in their chairs at the same time. Penny turns to us. “She stole my phone and texted my objectionable photo to Cooper.”

Cooper is Penny’s lab partner. We all think there’s something there but Penny denies it. Renn, who recently gained Penny as a roommate after Willow moved out to live with Dr. Blackwood, is on a mission to find out.

“Like how objectionable?” I ask Renn.

She grins, looking super pleased with herself. “In lingerie.”

Penny stabs her finger at Renn. “Which she forced me to wear and then took pictures of, even when I said I didn’t want to.”

“Oh please. Forced?” Renn addresses us. “She was happy to pose.”

“I was not.”

“Um, you were. And then, her phone was just sitting there. And this Cooper guy texted. Something like, ‘Hey, wanna meet up before the anatomy class to prep for the test?’” Renn shrugs. “Meet up. Before the class? Duh. What else could it mean? It was a booty call.”

Willow chuckles. “Not necessarily. It could mean exactly what he said: to prep for the test.”

Renn frowns at her. “You know, ever since you got married, you’re no fun.”

Penny acknowledges Willow’s statement with a nod. “Thank you, Willow.” Then she narrows her eyes at Renn. “And now he thinks I’m a perv who sends nude photos to my classmates.”

Willow and I laugh. Renn throws Penny an air-kiss.

“You disgust me,” Penny says, turning her nose up.