Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(51)

I rolled to my side as he retrieved something out of the drawer, a box of condoms by the sound of the paperboard flap popping open. I watched him reach back and rub at his neck, his head lowered. When his arm fell away, he remained in that position.

He didn’t turn around. He didn’t stand with a condom. He didn’t move at all.

Shoulders hunched forward. Head down. The only sound I could hear was his breathing.

I was holding mine.





Chapter Twelve





NATHAN




Nathan, are you okay?”

Jenna’s soft voice lifted my gaze off the box in my hand. I peered back at her.

She was on her side now, pushed up on her elbow, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders and down her chest. She’d removed her top. Her full breasts heaved slowly.

“Yeah, I’m just checking for an expiration date.” I cleared my throat and gazed into her eyes, watching them widen ever so slightly. Right. Confession time. “I haven’t been with anyone since…These are pretty old. I don’t know if they’re still okay to use or not.”

The paperboard bent in my hand. I forced my grip to ease.

Jenna could’ve reacted to the news of my bleak sex life with surprise. Her pretty green eyes could’ve rounded further. Her lips could’ve parted. Maybe her breathing would’ve hitched. I was watching her closely enough, I wouldn’t have missed a damn thing she did right now. And I would’ve anticipated shock. When I thought about it perceptively, it was shocking to me. I expected no less from Jenna.

“I haven’t been with anyone in four years,” she revealed.

I stared at her.

She hadn’t reacted to my admission. But there was no way in hell I wasn’t reacting to hers.

I turned sideways to face her more. “Excuse me. How is that even possible?”

“What do you mean, how…?”

“You’re you.” I gestured at her.

A little smile tugged at her mouth. “With the kids, I don’t really have a whole lot of time to date. The dates I have been on haven’t worked out, and we never got to that step. Or the guys are only looking for a hookup. I can’t do that, so—”

I cut her off, not knowing whether this needed to be said, but I couldn’t risk Jenna getting hurt over this. We hadn’t discussed what was happening between us. We hadn’t talked at all, no thanks to me. I told her I didn’t want that tonight. How did she interpret my request? Any conversing outside of what we said to each other while we fooled around was off-limits?

You dick. What the fuck?

“That’s not what this is,” I said. “I’m not just looking to hook up with you.”

She smiled a little more. “I didn’t think you were.”

“We can talk. I know I said I didn’t want to, but we can. I didn’t mean…Fuck, I just…” I pushed my hand through my hair. “I’ve been fighting this with you. For weeks I’ve wanted to be here. I haven’t felt that in…well…” I held up the box in my hand.

“I know we can talk,” Jenna said, pushing up to her hip. “I know if I asked to stop right now, we would. I know what this isn’t, Nathan. I’m not sure what it is yet, but if those aren’t expired”—she pointed at the box—“I’d like to keep going, if you do.”

“The only way I wouldn’t want to keep going is if you didn’t.”

“Well, then, what’s the verdict?” Her eyes slid to the box.

“I don’t know yet.” I turned away from her then and brought the box closer to my face. I squinted at the fine print.

“Can you even see that?” she asked, her voice wrapped around a chuckle.

“I’m trying to.” I laughed with her. “I don’t know why they make this shit so fucking small. Who isn’t checking for an expiration date?”

The mattress shifted. “Where are your glasses?”

“Downstairs. I took them off after I checked on your kids.”

While I paced the kitchen and stalled coming back upstairs, not knowing whether I should.

“Here. Let me see it.” Jenna was kneeling at my shoulder now, one hand reaching while the other pressed against my back, keeping her balanced. She slid her hand up my spine to my neck, gripping there gently as I passed her the box. Then she pushed her fingers up into my hair.

“Mm.” I groaned and dropped my head. My eyes slipped closed. “That feels good.”

She kept it up, feathering over my scalp, her nails scratching gently. “Oh my God,” she mumbled. Her hand froze.

“What?”

“Guess when these expired?”

I jerked my head around and glared at her. “You’re fucking kidding.”

Jenna laughed softly as she passed over the box. “I’d say see for yourself, but we both know you can’t.” She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “May.”

“May?”

“Yep.” She giggled. “It’s funny, right? I mean, it could be worse. June would’ve been like a giant ha ha, screw you.”

“That’s basically how this feels.”

I threw the box across the room. It hit the wall and busted apart, condoms splattering to the floor. Jenna cracked up at my back.