Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(19)

Nathan looked at me then. His eyes searched my face. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to talk about Derek, not now. This wasn’t about him. So I pulled my hand back and shrugged, playing it down.

“I don’t know what to tell Marley about Sadie.” His voice was pained. “If she asks about her, what am I supposed to say?”

“You could tell her how much Sadie loved her,” I suggested. “And you could always share your memories. I think Marley would love to hear anything you want to share.”

His throat rolled with a swallow. He suddenly looked overwhelmed with worry. “Yeah, but what about…you know, what happened. What am I supposed to say about that?”

“Nathan, I think you’ll know when it’s the right time to talk to Marley about that. And I also think you’ll know exactly what to say. But if you don’t, there’s always help. You could go see a therapist together. There’s grief counseling for families. You and Marley…you share this loss. This is something you can help each other get through.”

He looked away, silent for a moment, then met my eyes again. “Do you think she remembers her mom?”

“How old was she when…?”

“Two months.”

“I don’t.” I paused, shaking my head. God, she was so young. “I really don’t know. I’d like to think she does.”

“Yeah…me too.” Nathan smiled weakly and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Thank you for saying all of that. I needed to hear it.”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“Still…” He seemed to think carefully about his next words, dropping his arm. “Why do I always feel better after talking to you?”

I smiled softly. That was nice to hear. “Well, we’re usually talking about Marley, so…”

“Is that it?” he asked.

Nathan stepped away, peering back at me briefly before he put his focus on one of the boxes on the floor in front of the bed. He began to rifle through it.

I willed my fast-beating heart to slow.

Was that it? It was, right? Before he asked that question I would’ve thought yes, without a doubt. But now, if he was questioning it, I wasn’t sure how to answer.

“I don’t know what to do with some of this stuff,” he said, moving on to the next box. “Like her clothes? What do I do with them?”

“You could donate them,” I suggested. “I think you’ll want to keep some of her things for Marley for when she gets older. Or you could keep everything and let her decide what she wants. I don’t think there’s a wrong way to do this.”

Nathan nodded lightly, considering that. He shifted two more boxes out of the way, flipped back the flap of another, and then heaved it off the floor.

“Here,” he said, returning to my side. He held the box at waist level and plucked a framed picture out of it, holding it out for me to take.

It was a photo from their wedding.

Nathan stood behind Sadie on a large dance floor, his arms around her waist and his smile half hidden as he spoke in her ear. A man held a microphone a few feet away. His toast must’ve included a joke or two. Sadie was caught mid-laugh by the photographer.

“Oh my God.” I brought my hand up to my mouth and smiled against my fingers as I studied the picture. “Marley looks just like her. Wow.” Same hair. Same smile. Eyes that sparkled the prettiest blue. I looked up at Nathan. “She’s beautiful.”

Nathan took the frame from me when I held it out and studied it for a moment before placing it back in the box. He tipped his head toward the door, and I took the cue.

“I’ll start on the rest of the boxes tomorrow,” he shared, following me out into the hallway.

We were nearly at the stairs when soft crying stopped us both.

“Shit,” he whispered.

“It’s okay.” I pushed the nursery door open and moved quickly to the crib.

I could see clearly with help from the hallway light and the glow from the moon shining through the window. Marley was on her knees, gripping the rails and peering between them. Tears wet her cheeks.

I scooped her up and brought her against my chest, where she rubbed her face against my shirt. I patted her back and hummed softly, knowing how to calm her since I’d done it several times before. When I turned my head, I saw Nathan watching us from the doorway.

“Come here,” I whispered, waving Nathan into the room. Marley was already settling down again. He set the box next to the changing table and got beside me. “She’s almost asleep.” I shifted Marley off my chest and went to pass her over, but Nathan took a step back. I fought a smile. “Take her. Here.”

“What are you doing?” he whispered back.

“I’m giving her to you so you can put her to sleep.”

“But you’re doing such a good job with it.” He gestured at his daughter. “And look at her. She likes you.”

I cocked my head.

“You do it. She’s going to start screaming if you give her to me, Jenna.”

“I don’t think she will. And I need to go use the bathroom anyway…”

His gaze hardened immediately. “Oh my God. Liar.”