Don't Let Me Fall(15)

Mom and her fling can keep f-ucking each other and not be involved.

“Goodnight, Becky,” Matty said nudging my side as we walked into the house.

“’night, Matty,” I said walking up the stairs. “Dad.”

“Love you, Birdie.”

Matty and Dad stayed downstairs talking about sports as I headed to bed. My heart is beating out of control and sleep will probably not help me but I have to lie down and take deeps

breaths or it won’t end well.

I climbed into bed and grabbed a teddy bear sitting up against my pillows. I squeezed that little guy until my knuckles turned white but it wasn’t helping.

Take a deep breath. Breathe. Count to ten.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

My breathing is slowing down.

Eight. Nine.

Ten.

My body relaxed.



Alice bumped her bare knee against mine and winked. “We’re going to have fun tonight,” she sang softly.

I glanced at the taxi driver and then back at Alice.

“We better. I’m sick of the guys at school,” I said.

“Becka, men literally drop to their knees to be with you. You’re just picky,” she said, shaking her head at me. “If they have a penis, f-uck them. We only live once.”

Hearing the word penis made the middle aged taxi driver glance at us in the rearview mirror. He even gave me a smile that’s missing a front tooth.

“I’m picky because I want someone who will f-uck me senseless and leave me unable to walk the next morning,” I said, not caring at all now if the driver hears us.

We’re making his night.

Alice laughed and her brownish green eyes found mine.

“These guys will do that,” she said. I f-ucking hope so.

We stopped at a restaurant that has a bar and headed inside when Alice pointed two guys out.

When two almost similar looking guys with blonde hair and green eyes turned around and checked us out, I was done. The muscles under my belly were already clenching expecting what

tonight will bring me.

These guys look like they know how to f-uck.

Jesus, their bodies are gorgeous and those hands look like they’ll get the job done.

“Jared,” the guy closest to me said with a mega-watt smile. “You must be Rebeckah.”

“I must be,” I said. I’ll be whoever he wants me to be!

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked standing up and placing a warm hand on the small of my back. I almost closed my eyes and moaned at the contact.

It’s been a while since I’ve been touched the way I need to be touched.

Alice and her guy hit it off and ignored us so Jared and I went to a table and ordered some drinks.

“I’ve never met a girl with so many tattoos,” Jared said, his eyes roaming over every inch of my body. “And so beautiful.” Cue the blushing.

Alice and Kenneth decided to show up then and sit with us. Jared and Kenneth shared a look and Alice and I glanced at each other. She poked her tongue into her cheek and I laughed.

I will probably end up blowing this guy if I get what I want. She doesn’t need details. Not yet.

“Okay…” Alice said placing her wallet on the table. “Start with drinks.”



I shot up in bed and glanced down at the teddy bear tearing at the seams. This poor little guy is going to have no arms if I keep pulling at him the way that I am.

I tossed him aside and stared at my wrists.

The light from outside hit my scar and my eyes widened. There’s a bit of blood running down my wrist.

No.

Shit!

I grabbed my phone and called Jacky. I was shaking so much that I had to check the screen every now and then to make sure I called the right person.

She didn’t answer and I panicked.

I curled my hands into fists and tried not to think about it. About the way I’ll feel if I just grab a razor or something sharp and slide it across my skin. The way the blood will

relax me once it runs down my arm. The way–

Remy.

I grabbed my phone and called Remy.

I was about to get his voicemail when he picked up.

“Becka?” he asked out of breath.

I dropped my phone and dug my fingers into my scalp. The itching is back. My fingers are itching to grab something and slide it across my skin.

I hear Remy’s voice calling out to me.

I’m worthless.

It should have been me.

My door swung open, my bed dipped under added weight then hands were on my arms, trying to pull them apart.

“Birdie, look at me.”

My eyes traveled up a crinkled t-shirt then a five o’clock shadow then finally landed on dark eyes. Eyes like mine.

“It’s okay. Breathe,” Dad said with sad eyes.

My arms turned to jell-o as he pulled them apart and rested them on my lap. His eyes found the blood on my left wrist and then he saw my right hand. My fingers have blood caked on

them.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said brushing hair off my face. He pulled me into his arms and I tried to say it to myself. Everything will be okay. It doesn’t work. I don’t

believe it.

My eyes moved onto the figure standing at my door. Matty is looking at me and I know he’s deciding what to do. I’d tell him to have me thrown off a bridge and left as a meal for