Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(40)

I must admit though, the sex last night was phenomenal, who knew sex could feel that good. But that was a momentary slip. It won’t happen again.

A pain seared through my heart at what I had done. I knew I couldn’t stay celibate for the rest of my life after Elijah, but it still didn’t make it easier. Each time I slept with someone new, I felt like I lost a little bit more of him. Bit by bit, little by little, piece by piece.

The cold air nipped at my skin, my eyes watering in the blistering cold. I couldn’t believe how quick the temperature had changed. We didn’t get weather like this back home in England. My phone buzzed in my pocket, grabbing it I saw Connie’s name. I smiled.

Slipping my earphones in and waiting for them to connect, I answered.

“Good morning,” my breath was short as the cold air filled my lungs, my legs moving faster so I warmed up.

“Morning, my little sugar plum fairy. How was your evening?” she asked, I could hear people talking behind her. She was obviously on reception duty. Her favourite.

“Evening was…” I stopped for a moment before nibbling my lip, I couldn’t tell her. Not yet. “Quiet,” I scoffed. “Yours?”

“Eh…” she stilled; I could hear the smile in her voice.

The phone line fell silent for a moment. “Any idea on thanksgiving yet?” she asked.

She had been asking if I wanted to spend thanksgiving with her to save me being alone, but I thought I would have gotten home. But what with everything going on with Harlen and Killian, going home doesn’t seem the right thing to do right now.

“Well, if it’s not too late, I would love to spend it with you,” I smiled.

“Yay! This is so exciting! I can’t remember the last time I had a friend over, I’ll let my dad know.”

I swallowed hard.

“Your dad?” I stammered slightly, “I thought we would just be together.”

“Who do you think is cooking the turkey?” she scoffed, “it isn’t going to be me, duh.”

“Oh man, your dad isn’t going to want me there, it’s fine, I’ll sort out a microwave dinner meal,” I waved my hand through the air, my eyes traveling up as I looked at the tall building that I worked in.

“You will not!” Connie shrieked.

I rolled my eyes, my cheeks burning as I thought back to this morning before the lust turned to rage.

“Only if you’re sure,” I said quietly.

“Positive.”

“Why aren’t you with your mums?”

“They’re away for their anniversary or some shit,” I heard her snicker, “so daddy dearest it is.”

“Ah okay! I’ve got to go Con, I’m at work. Dinner tomorrow?” I asked softly.

“Dinner sounds perfect.”

“Bye Con,” I said, cutting the phone off and slipping it into my bag. Inhaling deeply, I pushed through the rotating glass doors and headed straight for my desk.



I had just come back from lunch with Julianne, waving bye to her as I continued to where I sat when I stilled. Sitting in my chair with his feet on my desk was the devil himself. My husband.

“What do I owe the pleasure?” I rolled my eyes, stopping in front of my desk.

“Eyes,” he winked, his eyes trailing up and down my body.

I stood waiting for him to answer my earlier question. He just sat there fucking smirking.

“What do you want, Killian?” I snapped now; my arms crossed in front of me.

“Just wanted to see my wife, is that okay?” his fingers pressed into the bottom of his chin.

“Don’t bullshit me,” my voice was low as I leant across the desk, pressing my hands flat to the surface.

Now he rolled his eyes at me, kicking his feet off my desk he sat up straight in my chair.

“Do I have to have a reason?” he asked, his eyes glued to mine.

I didn’t answer. I suppose he didn’t.

“Can I have my chair back, I am busy.” My tone was clipped, dropping my arms as I walked around the side of my desk.

“Yup, the lady I want to see is just walking in…” his eyes moved from mine as he watched Adele walk towards us. Killian pushed up, done his suit jacket up and began walking towards where Adele was and I just stood there, like a fucking moron watching. Adele didn’t even look at me as she walked past, just held her head high, smirking. Killian fell into step behind her, stopping before her office and winking at me before the door closed.

Ugh.

I couldn’t help but feel tense the whole time Killian was in there. I couldn’t see anything because of the stupid frosted glass. The bitter taste coated my tongue at my thoughts. What if he was fucking her in there? And more importantly, why the fuck did I care? I wasn’t the jealous type, but what didn’t help was the fact that he had his beautiful dick inside me last night and now there was a small chance he was balls deep in her. I shuddered at the thought.

I wasn’t a jealous person, and green definitely wasn’t my colour but I was wearing a pretty shade of it right about now. I shouldn’t even be jealous. Our marriage and relationship are a farce. It was nothing, we were nothing. I am being silly, I knew that we couldn’t even stand each other if I was being honest, there was just a sexual attraction. That’s all.