Dating Dr. Dil (If Shakespeare was an Auntie #1)(5)

She still had nightmares from the date in law school.

“Beta, it was one bad match, and his prison sentence was only six months. It’s not like he killed someone. Just some bad checks, no?”

“Oh, that makes it so much better.” Kareena waved a hand at all three individuals staring at her. “I want a freaking love marriage. Hearts, flowers, the works. Someone who understands me and doesn’t make me lose my ever-loving mind.”

“I think you know that people don’t like your abrasive personality,” Bindu said. “That’s why you’d rather listen to Taylor Swift under a weighted blanket and drink chai while reading romance novels than go out and meet people.”

“Hey, asshole, I’ve been working,” Kareena snapped.

“Language, Kareena!” her father and grandmother shouted at the same time.

“Whatever. I was planning on dipping my toes back into the dating world to search for Mr. Perfect. If that’s what it takes to get the money for the house, then fine. I’ll get married. But it will be a love marriage.” Her skin itched at the very idea, like her food allergy was acting up, but desperate times.

Dadi snorted. “Even I know that it’s not as easy as you think it will be,” she said in Hindi. “Bindu is right about your attitude, beta. And things are different for you kids now. Everyone is so picky.”

“And attitude or not, love sometimes takes time,” Kareena’s father added. “I know you’ve always wanted this house, but I have to do what’s best for me, too.”

Out of everything she expected to happen on her thirtieth birthday, this was definitely not it. Her mother was in every beam, every stud, every original nail that built the home, and Kareena couldn’t lose it. Because once it was gone, it wouldn’t just be her mother. It would be a part of her soul, too.

“It’ll be fine,” Dadi said in Hindi as she crossed the kitchen to put the stack of paranthas in the center of the table. “Now. Why don’t you eat? I’ll drive you to the station.”

“The car!” Kareena burst out. She’d completely forgotten. “Where am I going to keep it?”

“Maybe you can sell that junker for parts,” Bindu murmured as she scrolled through her phone. “It’s so old.”

Kareena didn’t even bother rewarding her sister with a response. Her car was rare enough that if she did sell it, she’d probably make enough to supplement the savings she’d had for the house. But the special restoration project on her 1988 BMW E30 M3 was her pride and joy. It was a symbol of how far she’d come since she lost her mom.

“Now enough of this talk,” Dadi said. “Sit and have some food so you can calm down before going to work.”

Kareena had completely lost her appetite. She picked up her tote bag and slung it over one shoulder. “I have to go.”

“Wait!” Bindu said. She ran over to the bag she’d carried in with her and held it up for Kareena. “Two things. First, I’m taking Dadi’s car to an interview tomorrow. It’s with a local TV show. They’re talking about dating, and I need someone to drive me so I can prep my notes and makeup and things like that on the way. Will you do it?”

“Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever.” She would have agreed to anything at that moment to make her escape.

“Great! Second, I got you a gift.”

“Bindu, I’m really in a terrible place right now. I’ll open it when I get home tonight.”

“No, open it now!” Bindu said. “It’ll make you feel better. I promise.”

Kareena eyed the bag. The last time her sister had brought her a gift, it was homemade brownies that made her so paranoid, she had to have her friends spend the night to convince her that aliens with Mumbai accents weren’t going to abduct her in her sleep and take her to an ice planet.

“Thank you,” she mumbled as she opened the bag and pushed aside the tissue paper. She was praying for a wad of cash but that was doubtful.

It took Kareena a moment to realize what was inside. The white box was labeled Asian Sensation and pictured a large, tan colored, U-shaped vibrator. It was a modern design that didn’t look like a penis. Quote bubbles read “waterproof” and “rechargeable.”

“Bindu, please tell me this is not a—”

“Yup!” Bindu said. She tossed her hair back and let out a screeching laugh. “You’re always so uptight, so I knew this would be the perfect gift.”

“What? What is it?” Dadi asked. She hurried over from the table.

“You know,” Kareena said as she pushed the tissue paper back in place to cover the brown sex toy. “One day I may find this hilarious. Today is not that day.”

Bindu doubled over, wheezing.

Without a second thought, Kareena passed it to her grandmother. “Why don’t you take this, Dadi? Bindu knows it’s not my style. Bindu, you’re going to tell her what it is, right?”

Bindu’s face went sheet white.

Kareena shoved her glasses up her nose and turned to leave the kitchen. “I hope all of you realize how truly shitty you all are acting right now.”

Her father’s expression turned thunderous. Her grandmother looked appalled at her language, and her sister was still pale now that Dadi was holding the vibrator gift.