Consumed(30)

Looking into the other lounge, he cringes. And to my mortification, gives my shoulder a small, reassuring squeeze. When he answers, he avoids my question, but I can’t blame him. “Got a bottle of Jager and Lucas’s Red Bulls. Shots before fans and press come in?”

Though Tori’s a peppermint schnapps type of girl, she quickly agrees, so I have no other choice but to go along with them. But as Cal guides us away from the doorway of the lounge, I can’t help but take one more glimpse at Cilla and Lucas. I can’t help but see how easily they respond to each other as they discuss the tour. And I can’t help but feel a painful pressure in my ribcage as I force a smile at Sinjin, who joins us once Cal starts doling out the Jager and Red Bull.

The two women who were with him have disappeared, and Sin doesn’t mention them as he sits next to me. “Get used to it,” he whispers into my ear.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, but I already know what he’s talking about. I’d be na?ve not to. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb. You’re going to have to suck it the f*ck up if you’re going to get through this tour. Jealous, pissy girlfriends and wives don’t last long. Why do you think Kylie’s not around? And Cal’s last girlfriend only stuck around for a few months?”

He doesn’t mention Lucas or himself, and I don’t think he will, even if I stressed the subject. I paste on a smile that makes my face feel like it’s cracking and grab my drink, holding the highball glass a little too roughly.

“And here I was thinking you were going to be all sweet to me.”

“Not sweet.” He pries the Jagerbomb out of my hand and downs the drink for me, ignoring my protests. “But respectful. Honest. At the end of the day, being around all this shit, honesty is what you’ll want more than anything.”





Sinjin’s words about honesty bother me well after Lucas’s interview is done. For the rest of the night, there’s little contact between us—in fact, I fade into the background to spend time with Tori as he greets the press and his fans. Every few minutes, his hazel eyes lift away from whomever he’s talking with to find me. His gaze is intense—like I’m the only person in this small room full of people who worship him and the rest of the band—but it’s also questioning.

And not even the reassuring smile I manage to muster is enough to change that.

We don’t get back to his house until close to 3 am, and since the buses are rolling out in just a few hours, we immediately climb into bed. He’s silent for a long time—so quiet I begin to think he’s asleep—so I’m startled when he speaks up.

“What’d you think?”

“Your show?” I glance over at him in the dark to see his head bobbing up and down. “Incredible. But why wouldn’t it be?”

“You seemed like you were out of it backstage.”

I clutch the black sheets tightly. “I’m not going to say it’s not overwhelming—because it is—but I’ll get use to it. Eventually.”

“You’ve been doing shit like this for a long time, Sienna,” Lucas says. “And I’ve seen you make that face before. There is nothing, and I do mean abso-f*cking-lutely nothing, between me and Cilla. I’m not going to lie and tell you there never was, but I can tell you it was never anything more than sex. She and me haven’t happened since well before you came back into the picture earlier this year.”

If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t. “Since we’re being honest, tell me about Sam.”

The silence comes back in full force, and that constriction in my throat just gets worse, squeezing until it’s hard to breathe and I have to sit up in the bed. “You’re better off not knowing.”

“I would tell you.”

He releases a bitter laugh. “I doubt that. We’re not getting into this shit, Sienna. I—” His voice breaks off, but I know it’s something important—something that will burn like hell.

“What?” I whisper.

“I love you too goddamn much to ask you to leave again, so let it go. I’ve taken care of it. That’s all you need to know.”

“Then you should know that I’ll ask you again.”

“I’m sure you will.”

“And then what? We’ll go through this? You’ll tell me to drop it? Threaten to spank me if I don’t let it go.”