Come Back for Me (Arrowood Brothers #1)(24)

I do my best to relax back into the swing. “I’m . . . here.”

“How are you holding up?”

I shrug. “I’m not really sure. I’m still processing it all.”

“You did great with Sheriff Mendoza.”

I laugh internally. I didn’t do great with anything. My entire life has been a series of errors, trying to get away last night being the biggest. Last night, I sat there, telling him and the sheriff the story, hating myself, berating myself, as tears fell down my face.

There was nothing great about any of it.

“I’m not so sure of that. I was a mess.”

“You didn’t lie, and you told him everything when you didn’t have to. I’ve seen . . . there are people who cover up abuse because it’s easier. You were brave. You may not feel that way, and I’m sure you have your reasons for not leaving sooner, but you were, and I’m sure Hadley will see it that way.”

I look out at the sunrise, wishing I could find some solace in knowing that I lived to see it again, but I can’t. Regrets are what fill me, and there isn’t a slice of bravery there. “If I were brave, I never would’ve let it get this far. I would’ve left after the first time he made me feel weak and small. If so many things didn’t happen . . . if only I had run when he raised his hand to me that first time, my daughter never would’ve seen a bruise on her mother or a tear fall because he’d hurt me.”

“It’s easy to look at it that way, taking on the blame or playing the what-if game, but we make the choices we think are best at the time. We all have regrets.”

He can’t possibly mean that. People who aren’t in the situation look at it differently. I’ve heard people talk about those in bad relationships and how they wouldn’t do this and they wouldn’t do that. If someone isn’t living in those shoes, they can’t say what they’d do.

I never thought I’d be in an abusive relationship, but here I am.

When I was growing up, I was this smart girl who thought she would find a man who treated her well, and if they didn’t, they’d be gone. Then I met Kevin and was in this whirlwind relationship where he became my entire world and I became an outsider in my own story.

I am the one to blame.

“While I appreciate that, I disagree. I knew I needed to get out, but I made the choice to stay and hope he would change. That will forever be on me because I was too scared to see that he never would.”

Connor takes a sip of his coffee and offers me a sad smile. “I disagree with your disagree.” I let out a soft laugh and wince. “Are you okay? I really wish you’d have seen a doctor.”

I was checked out by the EMT named Sydney, and I only allowed that to convince her I wasn’t in grave danger. But my side is in so much pain that I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a cracked rib. “I’ll go tomorrow when she’s in school.”

“I need to at least clean the cut under your eye.”

“I appreciate that you want to help,” I say softly. “But I’m sure I can manage.”

Connor moves to rest against the rail, big arms crossed over his chest as though he could fight off the world if it came for him. “I understand if you’d rather that, but at least allow me to check your ribs. I’m sure they’re broken, and I want to make sure there are no signs of something more serious, especially if you’re putting off going to the doctor.”

“Okay,” I agree, knowing I won’t be able to look at it or touch anything there. Hell, I can barely breathe without wanting to cry. “I still can’t believe this is how last night went. I’m so . . . tired but don’t think I can sleep. All I keep seeing is his face and feeling the pain when he kicked me.”

We both fall silent. I don’t know why I’m admitting any of this to him.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Connor clears his throat. “Ellie, did your husband ever hit Hadley?” he asks with no traces of judgment, just curiosity.

“Not that I know of. He threatened . . . well, it’s why I finally left last night. He said if I tried to leave, he’d kill us both, and I believed him. I knew I had to leave. I knew that one more night was too many and didn’t care that my plan wasn’t in place or that we had no money or nowhere to go. I couldn’t stay another minute. I think he really would’ve killed me if you hadn’t shown up.”

“You did right. Abuse never ends, hell, even if the abuser dies, you can still feel the effects.”

My eyes lift, and I study him as though there might be something else beneath the surface. “I’m sure I’ll feel this way for a long time.”

“You’ll heal, and I swear, he will never hurt you again.”

“I don’t know how you can promise that.”

Connor pushes away from the rail. “Because he sure as fuck won’t hurt you if you’re in my house. If you choose to go back home, then we’ll come up with a lot of ways for you to protect yourself if he’s released from jail. Either way, tonight, tomorrow, or until you’re ready to leave, you’re safe with me.”

Safe. It’s a word I’ve taken for granted so many times. When I was young, I remember my father always giving me hugs and telling me he would keep me safe. He locked doors, took precautions, and then one day, when I was at college, another car veered into their lane and killed them both. They never found the driver of the other vehicle.