Clap When You Land(47)

I don’t want him to know how much I’m carrying but maybe I can ease this situation.

“I have money. I’ll pay you what my father owed.

Half now & half tomorrow? Let it be settled.”

I don’t want to make him angry.

I want to guard my secrets close.

I take a step back to move away from him.

He rubs a thumb across his bottom lip.

“I don’t know. I’ve had plans for you.

But maybe the money would be enough.

He owed me two thousand dollars

for this upcoming year.” I fiddle with the strap of my purse, & he raises a brow.

“Don’t tell me, Camino,

you are walking around with

that kind of cash?”

My hands shake in the bag as I try to figure out the right number of bills to get me out of here.

My heart is racing in my chest.

I grab what I think is enough

& shove it at him.

“Here. This should cover half.”

I calculate quickly how much

I’ll have to cut back on to make my new amount stretch.

I begin edging back toward the tree, ready to make a run for it,

but El Cero’s hand grabs my sleeve.

He stares down at the dollars

like they are a crossword puzzle

with the clue in a language he doesn’t know.

“Why do you have this much cash?

Were you meeting someone else out here?

Why are you clutching your bag? Is there more?”

His strong grasp yanks at the bag & despite my tight grip

he is bigger & stronger, & he wrenches it from me.

He runs his hand through my bag, pulling out the embossed gold of the passport, the stark white of the envelope that holds my entire future.

“Why, Caminito? It seems you

were trying to make a run for it?

Without paying a debt. Tsk, tsk.”

I try to grab the passport & money, but he holds both high above his head like this is all a game, a middle-school tiff.

Vira Lata must feel my distress

because now he lets out a long bark before he races off into the trees.

“Camino Camino figured it out somehow.

Tried to get away without making a payment.

Tried to get away without saying goodbye.”

The storm clouds overhead

cover the moon completely.

Thunder sounds in the distance, & I wipe furiously at water on my face.

The tides will rise quickly.

But not as quick as my anger.

“You’re such a fucking dirt bag.

Un grosero, not worthy to bite the flea that bites a stray.

I don’t know what converted you

into this monster.

But I bet your sister is turning in her grave.”

The words come out in a fast whoosh but do not sound like me.

When the lightning flashes, I see El Cero’s face has twisted into an ugly mask.

He grabs me by my blouse,

pulling me up to my tippy toes; spittle flies out his mouth

as he yells directly into my face.

“Do not ever mention her,

you uppity, ugly bitch.”

& when he shoves me back,

my foot twists painfully beneath me.

Above me El Cero puts the money & my passport—Yahaira’s passport— into his back pocket.





As the thunder rumbles, I gather up the torn-up pieces of the marriage certificate.

I can tell from the stillness in the house, Camino isn’t here.

I don’t know the rules of sisterhood.

Am I supposed to try to find her?

Am I supposed to leave her alone?

The thought that she might be alone & angry on a night she should be celebrating her birthday makes me stand up & walk into the living room. Stare at the altar.

Papi, if you can hear me, help us both. For once.

A folded-up envelope with Tía’s name

rests on the altar. I don’t remember it being there before.

Outside, the frantic barking of the mutt grabs my attention.

He sounds as if someone is trying to attack him, but when I peek through the curtains I see he’s barking at the house.

I can’t help the feeling that my sister needs me.

& for the first time in my life I am actually here to help.

As I turn to grab my phone to see if I can find her, I bang into a standing lamp that topples over.

From the bedroom they are sharing,

I hear shuffling & then Mami & Tía rush through the doorway.

But Tía’s brown face goes completely pale.

She clutches a hand to her throat.

“?Y mi Camino? ?Adónde está Camino?”





the earth spins round & round like palo dance a trance. Advance across, the mud, zoom

zoom into tree skin a match I want to detach from me

a man laughs am I laughing?

he kneels in the dirt beside me.

stomach sick crawling

skin slick push away

kick him back scratch at the eyes mouth open cry cry cry for help





Tía is shaking as I guide her to a chair.

Mami pours her

a glass of water.

I’ve seen enough crime shows to know we need to try & narrow down where Camino