Chilled (Bone Secrets, #2)(73)

“So, this is entirely personal. You’re not here on behalf of the marshals’ office to see to your fellow deputy or recapture an escaped convict. You’re here to make sure Darrin Besand doesn’t escape.”

“Linus was my friend,” he stated quietly. “I told the truth about that. And I’m going to see his family when this is through. Besand isn’t going to walk out of these woods by himself. Either the forest will stop him or I will be on his back.”

“And nothing will stop you from achieving this goal.”

Alex paused a half beat. “I thought that at first. Your team was my means to an end. I was going to take everything you guys could give me to reach this plane.”

“And now?” Her question was quiet but loaded.

“I feel a responsibility to four people I’d never met before.” He held her gaze. “Your safety is now a priority over finding Besand.”

“Do you think he’ll kill again?”

“I know he will.”

“I know he is an evil person,” Brynn said slowly. “But your interest in him… seems more personal than someone trying to right a wrong. Several wrongs. Maybe your boss wasn’t giving him the correct type of transportation details, but…I don’t understand—”

“He killed my brother.”

In the poor light he saw her face pale, and she sucked air into her mouth. Her voice quivered slightly. “I knew there was more. From the very beginning you’ve been so driven. At first I thought you were just intent on doing your job. Then I thought it was because of the marshal on the plane.”

Alex felt like he was covered in a thick sheet of slime. He’d used her and the other men. “I was driven. I still am. Samuel was the only family I had left and Besand took that away from me. He killed my brother to cover up his murder of another woman. Samuel had seen the killing but didn’t understand.”

“What do you mean he didn’t understand?”

Alex swallowed hard and held her puzzled gaze. “Samuel was a boy inside a man’s body. He was mentally disabled. Something happened at his birth and he didn’t get enough oxygen. He had to rely on the help of others to live in society.

“I wanted him to live with me. But my wife refused. She didn’t want him in our house.”

“That’s a lot to ask of someone,” Brynn whispered. “You obviously loved him dearly. It must have ripped you apart to realize your wife couldn’t do the same.”

“You could have done it,” he said softly.

Brynn gave a small gasp as her head jerked.

“Forget I said that. That wasn’t fair.”

She shook her head. “You can’t play ‘what-if.’ I don’t know how it would have been and you don’t know either.” She focused on the wall of ice in front of them as he mentally kicked himself in the ass.

“It was stupid for me to try to blame her when I know that it was my fault he was in the care home where Besand got to him.”

“Was it a good home? Was he happy there?” She looked at him closely.

Alex gave a half smile. “It was a good place. They took him on outings and let him tend the roses and garden. It was like living with wonderful grandparents, and Samuel was happy.”

“Then you can’t be blaming yourself. If he’d lived with you, would you have been home all day to entertain him? Or would you have been at work till late at night? Would you have cooked all his meals and read to him? Stretched his brain and broadened his view of his tiny world? Or would he have been watching TV all day, waiting for you to come home?”

Alex looked down at his hands. She’d said what he’d thought a million times. But it sounded better coming from her mouth. More truthful.

“Sometimes we need to let others do things for us. Because they can do it better. No matter how much it hurts or how accountable you feel.” She gave a sad smile. “When I moved in with Jim’s in-laws, I was a very independent teen. I was used to doing everything for myself. Cooking, buying clothing, getting myself to school. The first day that Anna’s mom packed my school lunch, I nearly cried. I’d been up late studying and overslept and was about to miss the bus. I was going to have to skip lunch, but she saw my need and took care of it. It was so hard to allow myself to lean on them. All my life I’d only had myself to rely on. It took me awhile to realize I could do better in school if I let her parents take care of parts of my life.

“Plus, they liked doing it. At first I couldn’t see that. But then I realized they took in foster kids because they knew they had the love to offer. Were the people at Samuel’s home good people?”

“The best,” Alex said softly. “But I hated them for hiring Besand.”

“He worked there? That’s how he came in contact with your brother?”

Alex nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Oh, how guilty they must have felt.”

Alex shut his eyes. He’d heaped a lot of blame on the Maxwells that he shouldn’t have. It was easy to focus his anger on them. He’d never accepted their apologies. He could still see Kathy Maxwell’s tears at Samuel’s funeral. He’d compounded their guilt by hating and blaming them.

Brynn saw his shoulders droop. “You held them responsible.”