By Virtue I Fall (Sins of the Fathers #3)(72)

“No,” I said firmly.

Santino nudged my face up, his brown eyes locking on mine. I steeled myself. “You’re a good liar but I know you.”

“You know me well, Santino, but you don’t know everything, especially not my heart. First and foremost, I’m loyal to my family, and they need me to marry Clifford. I won’t disappoint them.”

“Marrying a bodyguard would most certainly be a disappointment.”

I glared. “We always knew this couldn’t be! Don’t act like you were about to propose to me.”

“You’re right. I suppose it’s a good thing then that I asked your father three years ago to let me return to the job of Enforcer after Paris. That way we won’t see each other anymore. A clean cut, how you want it.”

I froze. I’d thought I’d at least still see Santino, still be able to talk to him. “You never told me.”

He shrugged. “Like you, I often forgot there was a time after Paris.”

I forced a smile. “You never liked being my bodyguard, so now you get your wish.”

Santino glanced at his watch. “We should go to sleep. Our flight leaves early.”

I pressed my lips together. “Won’t we spend our last night together?” I forced my lips into a coy smile, not wanting to be sappy.

Santino’s expression was emotionless. “I don’t think that would be wise. We should spend the night in our beds.”

“You’re right,” I said with forced resoluteness. “A clean cut is what we need.”

I turned around and returned to my bedroom, wiping my eyes brutally.





We were silent on the flight back home. Santino watched an action movie on the small seat TV and I stared out of the window. I hadn’t slept much last night and felt bone-tired but my whirling thoughts kept me awake.

I hadn’t seen Clifford since his impromptu surprise visit in Paris almost three years ago. We’d always missed each other with him studying a few semesters in Oxford and traveling to political events with his father, and me being gone in Paris. I had a feeling he’d avoided me. And I hadn’t minded. Seeing him would have only ripped open wounds, wounds that hadn’t even happened yet. Since then a lot had changed. I had changed. Santino and I had changed. We’d gotten even closer. What we had gone far beyond the physical. What we’d had…

Santino and I, we couldn’t be anymore. This morning our interaction had been detached and professional.

I’d hated every second of it. It was probably for the best that he wouldn’t serve as my bodyguard anymore.

I was nervous. Nervous how I’d return to my old life, how I’d manage to allow closeness with Clifford. How I’d convince everyone I was okay. Leonas was the only one who knew about Santino, but he wasn’t the person to whom I’d talk about heartbreak. Because it felt like heartbreak. Falling out of love with someone took more than a conversation about a clean cut.

Maybe I could tell Luisa and Sofia… But I had practically lied to them these last three years too. I wasn’t even sure why I hadn’t told them anything on the few parties we’d seen each other in person. Maybe I’d thought it would make ending things easier if nobody knew. But now I wished I’d had someone who’d give me a pep talk. In the last three years, Santino had been the pep talker, mostly by telling me to stop throwing myself a pity party whenever something didn’t go to plan or I got a mediocre grade, but for obvious reasons, he couldn’t take up that role anymore.

“Stop fretting. Nobody will notice anything. You fooled me into believing you were experienced three years ago, and that’s a remarkable feed. You’re a marvelous liar.”

This wasn’t the banter we’d shared before sex, this was the annoyed voice of the past.

I hated that Santino could so easily switch back to being the asshole. “Now that we’re back, will you return to servicing the lonely wives in Chicago?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

Santino raised one brow. “Will you return to kissing Cliffy?”

“He’s my fiancé.”

The sardonic smile Santino gave me made me furious. How could he be this blasé about this? We’d been sleeping together, eating together, doing pretty much everything together for years and he didn’t seem to care.

“And I’m very obviously not,” he muttered. “I’m your bodyguard. As such, I’m not required to tell you about my sexual partners, or did I miss a clause in my contract?”

“You don’t have a contract. You have an eternally binding oath to my father, your Capo, to protect me that you’re obviously not honoring. If you were honorable, you’d at least keep watching me until I marry.”

Santino’s smile became dangerous. “Touché. I almost forgot that you’re my Capo’s daughter. But my oath isn’t eternally binding, only until I get killed protecting your perky ass.”

“I don’t want you to get killed for me.”

“Oh, Anna, I have a feeling that’s not up to you to decide. You’ll be my death one way or another.”

I glared. “You’re being melodramatic.”

“I learned from the best.”

I sighed and looked out of the window. We’d almost reached O’Hare. “I don’t want to get used to a new bodyguard now.”