By Virtue I Fall (Sins of the Fathers #3)(62)

My gaze darted to Santino. With him, I didn’t have to worry about word getting out. He was used to being the man in the shadows, but I could tell that he didn’t like to be reminded of it. He was no longer watching us and preparing an espresso instead, but I knew he was very aware of what went on outside and he didn’t like it one bit. I’d always relished in his brief moments of jealousy, but not today.

“We can have lunch tomorrow if you want. You came here all the way after all.”

“A pity date?” Clifford asked, sounding as if he was joking. But he had a point. It was out of pity.

“No,” I lied. “Where are you staying? Maybe I can come over so we’ll have lunch in the hotel restaurant?”

“In the Four Seasons.”

Of course. “We’ll meet in the lobby at twelve?”

I wanted to get Clifford out of the apartment as soon as possible. It felt too awkward.

He nodded and stood with a knowing gleam in his eyes. “Good. Then let’s meet there.”

I wasn’t really looking forward to spending the day with him, especially because I knew how pissed Santino was going to be in the next few days.

I accompanied Clifford to the door and Clifford pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I hope he won’t have lunch with us.”

I laughed tightly. “Don’t worry I’ll tell him to wait in the car.”

I closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief.

“You’ll tell me to wait in the car? What am I, a dog you can give orders to?”

I huffed. “I had to say something. We can’t risk making Clifford suspicious.”

Santino nodded, his jaw set tight. He was angry, but I could tell that wasn’t all. He looked jealous and upset. I didn’t even want to imagine being in his stead. I would probably lose my mind if Santino was promised to a woman and would meet her for lunch, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.

“I thought he didn’t care if you fuck other men.”

I didn’t like how callous he sounded all of a sudden. “You and I have known each other for a long time. Clifford would realize that it’s more than sex.”

“Is it?”

I went over to him and touched his chest. He didn’t soften, not his body or expression. “Come on, don’t be like that. You knew I was promised to Clifford when we started sleeping with each other. It’s not a secret. I thought you preferred the no-strings-attached sex.”

Santino didn’t say anything.

I bit my lip coyly and got down to my knees in front of him. “Let me make it up to you.”

He scowled down at me. “You really think a blow job and sex is going to make everything better? I’m more than my cock.”

My heart clenched. He was so much more to me, but he couldn’t be. “You know Clifford is my fiancé. I can’t very well send him off without spending a bit of time with him after he crossed the Atlantic to be with me.”

Santino gripped my arms and pulled me to my feet. “I need to catch up on sleep.”

Without another word, he walked into his bedroom. We’d spent every night together in the last few weeks but I could sense that I wasn’t welcome in his bed tonight, so I went over to my bedroom.

Maybe it was my memory but I could still smell sex.

I sank down on the bed, feeling torn. Santino and I had only just started sleeping with each other and I could tell it had already changed how we felt about each other. Santino had become possessive and I definitely felt emotionally attached to him. How much worse would it be in a few months from now? Or in a year?

Could we really keep risking it?





My lunch with Clifford was pleasant and surprisingly uneventful. If he noticed the lingering tension between me and Santino, he kept his thoughts to himself. I was glad. I really didn’t want to discuss my complicated relationship with Santino to my fiancé.

Luckily, Clifford had a cousin who studied at Sorbonne and planned to spend the rest of the day with him. Knowing he had other people he wanted to visit in the city made me feel less obligated to spend time with him, which was good because I could only think about Santino anyway.

He had barely spoken to me all morning, treating me like he had in the past.

It bothered me, which in turn made me wonder how it would be once we were forced to return to a solely professional relationship.

On our drive back to the apartment after my lunch with Clifford, I turned to him. “What are we doing, Santino? We’re supposed to have fun. If you’re constantly pissed because I have to interact with Clifford then it’s going to be really tough on the both of us. You know I can’t ignore him. I’m not kissing him or doing anything else.”

“I know,” Santino gritted out.

“Then why are you being so hostile to me?”

“I’m pissed.”

I widened my eyes comically. Did he think I hadn’t noticed?

He sighed, his fingers around the steering wheel turning white from pressure.

“I know you have to talk to him. I know he’s your fiancé and your future. I’m mostly pissed at myself because I didn’t think it would bother me that much. But I really don’t like the idea of sharing you.”

“You aren’t sharing me now.”

“I guess not, but I will eventually.”