Burial Rites(34)

If he wants to learn of my family he’ll have a hard time of it. Two fathers and a mother who seem as blurry to me as strangers departing through a snowstorm. I have few clear memories of her. One is the day she left me. Another is when I was young, watching her in the lamplight of a winter night. It’s a silent memory, and one, like the others, I can’t quite trust. Memories shift like loose snow in a wind, or are a chorale of ghosts all talking over one another. There is only ever a sense that what is real to me is not real to others, and to share a memory with someone is to risk sullying my belief in what has truly happened. Is the Reverend the person of my memory, or is he another altogether? Did I do that, or was it another? Magnús or Jón? It’s the glaze of ice over the water, too fragile to trust.

Did my mother look down at her baby daughter and think: ‘One day I will leave you’? Did she look at my scrunched face, hoping I would die, or did she silently urge me to stick to life like a burr? Perhaps she looked out to the valley, into the mist and stillness, and wondered what she could give me. A lie for a father. A head of dark hair. A hayrack to sleep in. A kiss. A stone, so that I might learn to understand the birds and never be lonely.





CHAPTER FIVE





Poet-Rósa’s poem to Agnes Magnúsdóttir,

June 1828


Undrast tarftu ei, baugabrú

tó beiskrar kennir tínu:

Hefir burtu hrífsae tú

helft af lífi mínu.


Don’t be surprised by the sorrow in my eyes

nor at the bitter pangs of pain that I feel:

For you have stolen with your scheming

he who gave my life meaning,

and thrown your life to the Devil to deal.





Agnes Magnúsdóttir’s reply to Rósa,

June 1828

Er mín klára ósk til tín,

angurs tárum bundin:

Yfeu ei sárin sollin mín,

solar báru hrundin.

Sorg ei minnar sálar here!

Seka Drottin náear,

af tví Jésus eitt fyrir vere

okkur keypti báear.

This is my only wish to you,

bound in anger and grief:

Do not scratch my bleeding wounds,

I’m full of disbelief.

My soul is filled with sorrow!

I seek grace from the Lord.

Remember, Jesus bought us both

and for the same accord.





‘HOW IS IT TO HAVE her here, in this same room as you? I should find it difficult to sleep,’ said Ingibj?rg Pétursdóttir.

Margrét looked over to where the Kornsá mowers were cutting the grass closest to the river. ‘Oh, I don’t think she’d dare set a foot wrong.’

The two women were resting on the pile of stacked wood outside the Kornsá croft. Ingibj?rg, a small, plain-looking woman from a nearby farm, had paid Margrét a visit, having heard that her friend’s cough was preventing her from participating in the haymaking. While Ingibj?rg had none of Margrét’s acidity, or her forthrightness, the two women were fast friends, and often visited one other when the river that divided their farms was low enough to be forded.

‘Róslín seems to think you’ll all be strangled in your sleep.’

Margrét gave a brusque laugh. ‘I can’t help but think that’s exactly what Róslín wants.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It would give that well-oiled mouth something else to wag about.’

‘Margrét . . .’ Ingibj?rg warned.

‘Oh, Inga. We both know having all those children has turned her head.’

‘The littlest has croup.’

Margrét raised her eyebrows. ‘Won’t be long before they all have it, then. We’ll hear them wailing at all hours of the night.’

‘She’s getting big, too.’

Margrét hesitated. ‘Do you plan on helping with the birth? She’s had that many you’d think she could do it herself.’

Ingibj?rg sighed. ‘I don’t know. I have a bad feeling.’

Margrét studied her friend’s grave expression. ‘Did you have a dream?’ she asked.

Ingibj?rg opened her mouth as if to say something, and then shook herself, changing her mind. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing. Anyway, let’s not be gloomy. Tell me about the murderess!’

Margrét laughed in spite of herself. ‘There! You’re as bad as Róslín.’

Ingibj?rg smiled. ‘How is she really, though? In character. Are you frightened of her?’

Margrét thought for a moment. ‘She’s nothing like how I imagined a murderess,’ she said at last. ‘She sleeps, she works, she eats. All in silence, though. Her lips might as well be sewn over for all she says to me. That young man, the Reverend Thorvardur, he’s begun to visit her again over these last few weeks, and I know she talks to him, but he doesn’t tell me what passes between them. Perhaps nothing.’ Margrét glanced over to the field. ‘I often wonder what she’s thinking.’

Ingibj?rg followed Margrét’s gaze, and the two women looked together at the bent figure of Agnes amidst the hay, hacking at the grass with her scythe. The blade flashed brightly as she swung it.