Broken Hill High (Broken Hill High #1)(42)

I feel Nate’s glare on me but I ignore it as I make myself comfortable on the chair. The boys wolf down their dinner with a speed that I’m sure will be giving them a stomach ache while I pick and pull my dinner apart, mainly only eating a handful of vegetables.

Nate hasn’t taken his eyes off me the whole time, and I swear, it just makes it worse. I can’t help but glance up at him only to find him scowling at me. I feel completely ashamed of myself. Embarrassed even.

I look back down at my plate, hating that I have this problem. I wish I could just swallow my food and not have an issue, but I can’t. No matter how many times I try, I just can’t.

My eyes pool with unshed tears but I don’t dare let them fall.

I stab a piece of broccoli onto my fork and lift it to my mouth. I bite off the top of it and start chewing. If I was at home right now, I’d have probably have only eaten half as much as I already have, but here, with an audience, I’m forced to actually try, and from the look on both Nate and Jesse’s faces, I’m clearly not trying hard enough.

I get halfway through my broccoli when Nate flies out of his chair, grabs my plate, and launches it across the room. The plate crashes into the wall and the expensive china shatters into a thousand pieces. “Fuck, Tora,” he demands.

My eyes widen in shock as a gasp flies out of my mouth. My eyes meet Nate’s and he stares back at me with nothing but pure rage on his handsome face while his chest rises and falls with heavy breaths.

My heart’s racing for a whole new reason and it’s one I don’t like. I swallow back fear as the look in his eyes is downright terrifying.

Nate slams his fist down onto the table and before I know it, I’m pushing back out of my chair and running. I’m not ready to face this and I know if I stay at this table a second later, that’s exactly what he’s going to make me do.

So, I run.

I dash out of the dining room and out through the kitchen before heading for the stairs. I take two at a time and am just about to push through my bedroom door when his arms curls around my waist and he pulls me back before slamming me up against the wall.

We stare at each other, both taking deep, heavy breaths. The rage is still bubbling up in his eyes but behind that is nothing but concern. “What the fuck is your problem?” he demands from right above me. “Do you think your fat?”

I shrink back from him. “No,” I say in a quiet voice.

“Then what is it, Tora?” he yells. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Do you have any idea how unhealthy this is?”

“I…” I look away as the tears pooled in my eyes finally spill over.

“Spit it out.”

I swallow back as my watery eyes look up into his. My heart breaks with having to talk about it. “I… I just.” I let out a sigh. “I just don’t feel it,” I say, feeling like a stranger in my own skin.

“Feel what?” he demands.

I look away, once again ashamed of myself. “Beautiful,” I whisper.

“Fuck,” he says, pushing himself off the wall and walking up the hallway. He stops a few steps up and presses both hands into the wall before hanging his head. I keep my eyes trained on him, certain that if I was to move, he’d come right back after me.

“Fuck,” he says again, startling me as he rears back and punches a hole through the wall.

I gasp and watch with wide eyes as he storms back towards me. He slides a warm arm around my waist before pulling me hard against his body. “You’re so fucking beautiful, it hurts,” he tells me with his head tilted down towards mine. “You always have been, Tora. Don’t you ever tell yourself that you’re not.”

Another tear falls from my eye as he presses a kiss to my forehead. A moment later, he’s gone.

I stand in the hallway staring at his closed door feeling lost. I want to go in there and demand answers for what happened this afternoon and what he just said. It doesn’t make sense for him to be kissing me and saying those things, especially after treating me so bad for the past five years.

What the hell is happening here?

I sink to the floor, not even having the energy to take the few steps to my room. My head falls into my hands as the tears silently flow. I cry not from the way he yelled and scared me but from the way he looked at me and challenged my beliefs. I mean, he looked at me and held me as though he truly believed it. Especially when he held me out on the couch this afternoon and pushed my hair off my face before he kissed me. I’ve never felt wanted like that.

It wasn’t the same as when I was with Josh and I could tell he just wanted me to get naked. This was different, this was as though he thought I was precious. He said I was so beautiful it hurt.

He’s making me feel things that I shouldn’t be feeling. He’s making me want to be better as the thought of having him looking at me with that same disappointment is almost enough to paralyze me.

I take a breath and wipe the tears off my face.

I need to be better cause I’ll be damned if I had either one of the Ryder brothers looking at me with pity again. I’ve kicked this diseases ass once before. I can do it again.

I will be healthy.

I will eat proper meals.

I will not throw up my food.

I will tell myself that I’m beautiful even though I don’t believe it.

I will be the best version of myself, no matter how hard that is to achieve.