Breath of Scandal(73)

After she went upstairs, the house seemed inordinately quiet. As Jade went through the rooms collecting napkins and glasses, she thought how glad she would be to have Graham back, generating noise, creating his little whirlwinds of activity. That might alleviate the emptiness that Mitch had left behind.

She wasn't sure she could ever go into his study again without envisioning him there, slumped over in his chair. That would never do, she thought with self-admonishment. She must force herself to picture him perusing one of the books he loved, or walking down the sidewalk hand in hand with Graham, or telling one of his wonderftil stories.

The doorbell intruded on her thoughts. She gave her reflection in the hall miffor a cursory glance before pulling open the door.

"Jade-" She tried to slam the door, but Lamar's hand shot out and caught it.

"Please, Jade, Let me talk to you for a minute."

She glared at him, her breasts rising and fall with each agitated breath. "Go away."

"Please, Jade. I tried all day to find the right time to speak to you."

"There will never be a right time. Certainly not today-" Again she tried to close the door, but he insinuated himself between it and the frame. "Jesus, Jade, do you think it was easy for me to come here?"

"I wouldn't know, you see, because I've never raped anyone. I wouldn't know how difficult or easy it is to face



a victim afterward, although you and your friends didn't seem to have any trouble seeing me at school every day. Which is why I can't fathom why you found it so difficult to come here tonight."

He looked miserable. "Whatever you say to me isn't as bad as what I deserve, Jade. I can't undo what we did, God knows. But please let me talk to you-for just a few minutes. That's all I ask."

She let him inside-perhaps because he acknowledged that what had taken place beside the channel had been against her will. When she thought about it later, that was the only reason,.she could provide for having let him in.

He quietly closed the door after stepping inside. "Where's Mrs. Hearon?"

"Upstairs. "

"Can we sit down somewhere?"

"No. " In a subconsciously defensive gesture, Jade folded her arms across her middle. "Say what you came to say, Lamar. I I



He was better-looking than he had been during high school, but no more self-assertive. He didn't argue with her. "Jade, what we did to you-"

"You forced me down into the mud, held my arms and legs, and took turns raping me. That's what you did, Lamar. I I

"Oh, Jesus," he groaned.

"Apparently your recollections of that night are cloudy. Mine are not. Neal slapped me several times while telling me to shut up. Hutch was the roughest. He hurt me the most. "

Lamar's skin took on a greenish cast beneath the hall chandelier.

"You were hesitant, but you did it just the same." "Because I had no choice, Jade."

"No choice? What choice did I have?"

"If I had wanted to stop it, what could I have done? Beaten up Neal and Hutch?" He gave a short, barking laugh. "Sure. I Can see it now. Don't you understand?"

"No," she retorted, her eyes blazing. "Because even if



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Sandra Brown



Breath of Scandal



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you couldn't stop it, you didn't have to participate. You could have stayed behind to help me. You could have come forward and backed up my account of what happened."

"Neal would have killed me."

"You stood by and let my reputation be trampled. You said nothing when Neal taunted Gary and finally drove him to suicide."

"I couldn't say anything, Jade. I had to go along with Neal. I'm sorry." Tears shimmered his eyes. "You're strong. You've always been strong. People look up to you. You don't know what it's like to have only two friends."

"I know what it's like to have none!" Those last, lonely months of her senior year, she had been snubbed by everyone except Patrice Watley.

Lamar was earnestly stammering his excuses. "You can't imagine what it's like to be under Neal's thumb. It wasn't until this year that I finally got away from him, and it pissed him off royally. We'd been living together in this old house-"

"I'm not interested."

"Well, anyway, I moved out before the semester was over last spring, and he didn't speak to me for weeks afterward. He acted the same way when Hutch got married. By the way, did you know that he married Donna Dee Monroe?"

"They deserve each other."

"Hutch played football for a couple of years. Neal was even jealous of the team. After our sophomore year, Hutch surprised everybody by joining the navy. Neal said he just wanted to get away from Donna Dee because she kept hounding him to make a baby. They live in Hawaii now, but I hear they're about to come back stateside. Hutch still isn't a daddy."

He might be. The thought made Jade shudder. "Is that why you came here, Lamar? To give me an update on my rapists?"

"Jade, I nearly fainted when you opened that door this morning. I was speechless with fear."

"Fear?" she asked with a bitter laugh. "Were you afraid that I might kill you?"