Boyfriend Bargain (Hawthorne University #1)(22)

I nod. “Sports psychologist. We’re increasing our sessions from twice a week to three. I’ll have to skip my poetry class to make the appointments, but Coach says he can work it out with the professor.”

“No cure yet, huh?”

A cure?

My hands clench under the table. His obliviousness drives me nuts. Reece may look like me and share a similar temperament, but there’s a barrier between us, one that’s been there since he came to Hawthorne. I give him slack because it’s hard living in my shadow. Growing up, I was always the one in the spotlight, and I have to wonder what that does to a brother who craves being the best just as much as I do.

He gives me a raised eyebrow and stuffs cereal in his mouth.

“It doesn’t work like that,” I say.

He stops chewing. “You don’t think you’ll freak out again, right? Isn’t there a pill for it?”

My jaw tightens. He knows nothing, and part of me is annoyed that this is the first conversation he’s had with me about it when Eric has asked a million questions. He and I have different friends, and we don’t spend a lot of our free time together. “I can’t take pills and keep training and playing like I do. Some of those meds have huge side effects that I can’t chance right now. My guy is using different things with me.” Deep breathing, running, visualization.

His voice lowers. “Do you think it’s this time of the year? When Willow died?”

I stare at him, unsmiling. I don’t like talking about her with him.

Because he knows how I fucked up. He was at that party.

And I know he wanted her for himself.

Exhaustion washes over me just thinking about it. “It’s never specifically happened in January before, so it’s probably a combination of things.”

He nods, toying with a piece of cereal in his fingers, deep in thought. “You and Willow…you still wanted to be with her when she died, right? You would have married her someday?”

I frown, wondering what he’s getting at, but I change the topic. “Look, the anxiety thing is real. It comes with being at the top. I was the number one pick last year, and the Predators are waiting on me.”

He exhales, nose flaring as his face grows hard.

I tap a pen on the table, reading him. Part of my success in hockey is my skill in analyzing micro-expressions and body language. Being able to read your opponent and your own teammates is key. You learn patterns of behavior to anticipate what’s coming, but with him, sometimes I don’t know what’s going on in his head.

Things are worse between us, have been on and off since our mom passed away my senior year and then Willow died. You would have thought that kind of grief would have brought us closer, but Reece is a loner, like me, and we internalize shit.

“Reece? You got something to say?” Yeah, I’m calling him on his attitude. I don’t need extra stress right now and if he’s got something to say, he needs to spit it out.

He looks away. “I get what you’re saying. I’m not at your level so I don’t have a clue. I’ll shut up.” He moves to stand, but I grab his elbow and pull him back.

“That isn’t what I meant.”

“But you were thinking it.”

“This isn’t about you, Reece. You’re not the one losing your shit. If Nashville finds out…” My voice trails off and I exhale. I love him, but fuck, he gets so caught up in how he isn’t as good as I am.

His lips compress and color blooms on his face. “Veronica said you were with a girl at the Kappa house and she looked like Willow. I saw her running down the stairs, and you were chasing after her.”

I rear back. Is this what’s got him knotted up? A girl?

“What I do is none of Veronica’s business.” I shake my head. “She’s trouble, brother. Beware.”

I picture the vivacious redhead with her hard green eyes. Veronica only cares about Veronica, and I know that because she’s been after me since Willow died. Last summer she even weaseled her way into a guys’ trip to Mexico, and when I came back to my room one night, she was in my bed stark naked, waiting for me. I sent her away and she’s been with toying with Reece ever since.

Reece frowns. “She’s just worried. Just be sure you aren’t using someone to work through your own shit. Don’t use some random girl to get over Willow.”

I tense up, thinking about Sugar today in her knit cap and cute glasses. Use her? Did I? I frown. I haven’t wrapped my head around what’s going on there yet.

“Did I hear someone mention a Kappa party?” Eric says as he stands, stretches, and breaks wind before heading into the kitchen. “Speaking of…who was the hot blonde at the party? There was some talk amongst some of the girls that she literally ran away from you. Damn, wish I’d seen it.”

Reece’s lips tighten, but I focus on Eric. Dude makes me laugh.

“Does everyone know my every move?” I say.

“Everyone wants a piece of the fame. You’re going to be loaded and playing in the NHL,” Eric says with a grin. He has his own little fandom of girls, so he gets it.

“They want this.” I indicate my upper torso, which is currently encased in a practice shirt from my workout at the gym.

Eric grins. “Ah, the fake bravado—a clear indication you got turned down. Crash and burn, huh?”