Boyfriend Bargain (Hawthorne University #1)(20)

Zack rubs at his jawline, and I think I see color rising on his cheeks, but that can’t be right because nothing seems to ruffle him. “He’s at the end of his rope, and it gets to the point where he can’t even make eye contact with people. There’s a blackness inside him.” He taps his pen on his leg. “At the end of the poem, he looks up at the moon in the sky and acknowledges that time has no meaning for him because his isolation is unending. He hates himself. He doesn’t deserve anything.”

Shit. The narrator hates himself? I didn’t get all that, but I can see it…

“Buzzkill,” murmurs someone in front of us, and I glare at the offender.

“He’s completely alone,” Zack adds, and part of me wants to pick at those words, at the weight I hear in his voice.

And…

Don’t I know how lonely feels?

I have three people in my life I can count on for anything—Mara and my besties Taylor and Poppy—but besides them, nada. No family, and now no Bennett. Even when Mama was alive, she was always somewhere else in her head, thinking about my father, wishing she were with him.

Professor Goldberg is complimentary of Zack’s analysis and class continues as we move on to discuss each line. I take notes on my small laptop, keenly aware of him as he shifts in his seat beside me.

“Good job,” the professor says to us as the bell rings out in the hall. “Next up is Edgar Allan Poe. Get ready to delve into the supernatural.”

I smile. After my upper level law classes, this is one I can just…enjoy.

Because we’re in the last two seats, we sit and wait for the row to empty out. Neither of us speaks, and Zack’s brow is furrowed as he gathers up his backpack and sticks his notebook inside.

“You okay?” I ask, pushing my glasses up.

“Yeah.” He rakes a hand through his hair and gives me a broad smile, the same one he gave Sorority Girl.

I frown. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

He blinks. “What do you mean?”

I take out a packaged Ding Dong from my coat pocket, carefully opening it and tearing off a piece. I give him a look. “I’m not after your phone number, I don’t want to brag to my friends that we banged—in fact, I don’t want anyone to know because that is just not their business—and I don’t want to invite you to my sorority party. So, if you’re not feeling on top of the world, I’m cool. No need to give me smiles that aren’t real.”

I take the bite and chew.

“Okay.” His eyes take me in, lingering a little bit too long on my lips, and I stop masticating. Is anyone attractive eating? No.

I swallow down my bite. “That poem—you liked it?”

He nods, a careful expression on his face. “Yeah. I got it, the darkness in people and how it tears you down.”

I nod. “My mama used to say brushes with darkness are part of every man’s journey. Besides, those real-life Mary Poppins types really piss me off.”

He huffs out a laugh and looks away from me, his face hesitant. “Your mom sounds smart.”

“She had a lot of heartache in her life.” I don’t tell him my father broke her spirit the day he paid us to move away so his wife and kids didn’t have to see us.

He nods.

“What’s your darkness, hockey player?” I ask. My tone is light, but I want to know what makes him tick. He seems so…perfect.

He sighs and stares down at his backpack. “People depending on me to win, Coach wanting a trophy, the NHL wanting a superstar—” He stops, rubs his neck, and stands. “Sorry. TMI.”

“No, it’s fine. I can’t imagine the stress you must be under. You’re practically famous.”

“What’s your darkness?” His eyes are back on my face, searching.

I laugh. “You want a list? It might take a while.”

One side of his lips curves up. “You’re funny.”

I shake my head. “I’m just trying to graduate this May and get to law school, maybe live in a warmer place and have a little house out in the middle of nowhere. That’s all I want.”

“Ah.” He gives me a long look. “I’m headed to lunch. You want to join me in the student center? I swear I won’t talk about poetry.”

“I like poetry.”

“Okay, we’ll talk about whatever you want.” He grins. “Edgar Allan Poe, huh? He’s twisted. I dig The Raven a lot, but his short stories are my favorite. Ever read ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’? It’s a classic Gothic horror story. And the sound of the heart beating in the background…damn, gets me every time.”

I feel my lips parting. He talks about Poe like he’s his bestie. A man that knows his literature and looks like a Greek god. Well. I clear my throat. That’s a turn-on.

And wait…

Is he asking me out? No, goofball. It’s lunch. Right, right. Casual.

But…

I’ve seen him with his hockey friends in the student center before. They’re a loud, gregarious group and girls are always all over them, flitting from one player to the next.

Nope. Can’t do it.

“Uh, yeah. Poe’s cool.”

His eyes get heavy. “Or we can go back to my place.”

And there he goes…