Bitter Sweet Heart (Lies, Hearts & Truths #2)(100)

“And you didn’t?” Kody challenges.

I poke at my cereal. “I did. Sometimes I still do. But the point is, I knew when Lavender came here this year that you two were probably going to end up together. What I didn’t plan for was how hard it was going to be. You and I had three years of hockey and hanging out, and it felt like when we were kids—then it was gone. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t realize how lost I would end up feeling.”

Kody leans back in his chair, brow furrowed. “Lost how?”

“You’ve always known exactly where you were headed. You played hockey before you could walk. You knew it was going to be your thing.”

“You’ve been the same way.”

I shake my head. “It’s different for me. I play because it keeps me connected to the people I care about, like my dad and you. And it took the onus off River. Your whole life is mapped out for you and has been since you were a kid, and I’m not in the same place as you. That’s not your fault, but watching you and Lav this year, seeing you so sure of your future, it made me realize how unsure I am of my own.”

“You’ll get called up this year. There’s no way you won’t.”

“Maybe. Yeah. But what I’m saying is, I’ve probably been a shit best friend this year. And I’m really fucking sorry because it’s not about you or my sister, it’s just me, trying to figure shit out.”

“You haven’t been a shit best friend. You’re the reason Lavender and I are together at all,” he says with a conviction I envy.

“You’re together because you’re supposed to be. I just gave you a nudge in the right direction.”

“Gotta admit, when you said I should move in here, I wasn’t sure how well that was going to go.” Kody pokes at his cereal with his spoon.

“It wasn’t my subtlest move, but it was probably my best one.” I chuckle and change the subject, feeling like I’ve finally cleared the air with him the way I should have months ago, but didn’t know how. “You excited about the summer in New York?”

“For the most part, yeah,” he says. “I mean, it’s kinda bittersweet, you know? It feels like this year has flown by, and as excited as I am for everything that’s coming, I’m going to miss this.” He gives me a sad half smile.

“We had the last four years together. And you’re gonna marry my sister one day, so you’ll be my brother-in-law, and we’ll definitely see each other on holidays at the very least.”

“Yeah. That’s true.” He nods as he mulls that over.

It’s all coming together for him. And here I am, still hiding my relationship with Clover, unsure of what the next month will look like, let alone the years that follow. I’d like to tell him about Clover, but I don’t want to put him in a position where he has to keep it from Lavender. It’s better to wait until convocation is over.

His jaw works for a second. “You never know, though. Maybe we will end up playing for the same team. How cool would that be?”

“Really fucking cool.” I dig into my cereal, trying to figure out why the idea of having to be on the ice, with or against him, makes me want to crawl out of my skin.





I finish my exam with twenty minutes to spare and go over the questions I had the most trouble with one last time before I hand it in. Now all that’s left is convocation. Kody and I go out for lunch, which turns into beers, which turns into us getting so wasted we need Lavender to pick up our stupid, drunk asses because the Uber driver said no.

I pass out in my bed for several hours and wake up feeling like a bag of shit. I shower, hoping the beer that’s still seeping out of my pores is diluted enough by the gallon of water I drink that Clover won’t smell it on me.

My ability to cover up the beer stench fails, but she seems to think it’s funny, and very appropriate college almost-graduate behavior. We spend the rest of the night playing dirty strip Scrabble, and I sweat out the rest of the beer I drank this afternoon when we end up naked on her living room floor, acting out all the dirty words we made. It got a little kinky, since I played the word shocker, and I found out it wasn’t something she’d experienced before.

The next morning, I get up early, wake Clover with oral, get inside her, make a mess of her sheets, and then pull her into the shower with me where we have more sex before we get dressed and make breakfast.

“My parents are going to be there this afternoon,” I tell her as I beat several eggs in a mixing bowl, adding shredded cheddar and some chili flakes.

“I figured they would be.” Clover fries onions and hash browns in a pan, stirring them continually. “It’s kind of a big deal to graduate.”

“It’s a lot bigger of a deal to get your PhD, but I think they’re just relieved I finished with a degree.” I add the eggs to another frying pan. “My sister and Kody are leaving this afternoon for New York, basically right after convocation is over. We have enough time for a quick lunch, and then they go to the airport.”

“How do you feel about that?” she asks.

I poke at the edges of the egg with the spatula. “I’m happy for them. He’ll be my brother-in-law one day, so he’ll always be part of my life, one way or another.”

“Change is hard.”