Beyond the Shadow of Night(40)

“Your papa’s been out looking for you all morning,” Mama said. “Where in God’s name have you been?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“And you’ve stayed out of the house for . . . what is it, five hours or more?”

“Please, Mama, I can’t talk now. I need to rest.”

“I should think so.” She stepped over to him, held his head in both hands, and examined his face. “You are tired, aren’t you?”

He wrestled his head away. “I am, and I don’t want to talk. I’m here and I’m safe.”

“And you’re a little bad-tempered too,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry, Mama. I just need to rest.”

She nodded. “Okay. It’s good. I should be grateful you aren’t harmed in any way. I worry when I hear what’s happened to people recently.”

Asher felt a rush of fear. “What do you mean?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk?”

He grabbed her arm. “Tell me, Mama. Tell me.”

She eyed his hand and he let go.

“I’m sorry,” he said more quietly. “But tell me what you mean. Please. Then I’ll rest.”

“Your papa says there are rumors of people disappearing.”

“Disappearing?”

“Here one day, not here the next. Nobody knows what happens to them. Or if they do know, they’re not telling.”

Asher’s mind spun with the possibilities.

“But anyway. You need rest. I have to go out with the ration card and see what magic I can conjure up with it, so I’ll leave you alone in the house. But please stay and rest, won’t you?”

“Yes, Mama. I’ll be here when you get back, I promise.”

Asher stayed in the house, but didn’t sleep.



When his papa returned an hour or so later, Asher asked him about the rumors.

“What rumors?” he said, hanging up his coat.

“The rumors of the people disappearing.”

Papa shrugged. “That’s it. That’s as much as I know. Did your mama tell you we were worried senseless about you this morning?”

“I’m sorry. I just needed to go somewhere.”

Papa thought for a moment, rasping his fingernails against his stubble. Then he put the coat he’d just taken off back on and grabbed Asher’s. “Let’s go for a walk,” he said, handing Asher his coat. “And talk, man to man.”

“You need to tell me if you go anywhere,” Papa said a few minutes later, as they walked along the street.

“Does it matter where I go?”

Papa held a hand against Asher’s chest, stopping them both still. “This is no time for games, Asher. I need to know where you are if you go out alone, especially so early in the morning like that. I don’t want you to be one of those people who disappear.”

Asher nodded and apologized. They started walking again.

“So where did you go this morning?” Papa said.

“If you must know, I was looking for Izabella, and I couldn’t find her anywhere. I hunted the whole sector.”

“What about where she lives?”

“I don’t know where she lives. She didn’t want me to know.”

“I thought you walked her home?”

“Only halfway. I think she’s embarrassed about where she lives.”

“Oh, I see. Well, she could just be sick.”

“She would still play the violin on the streets even if she was sick. She needs the money for food.”

“Could she have found a job?”

“A job?” Asher squinted at his papa.

“Mmm . . . No. I can see that’s a stupid thing to say. Look, I’ll do you a deal, play along with your game. I’ll help you look for her and I won’t tell your mama or sisters, as long as you promise me not to go out alone without telling anyone where you’re going.”

It was a deal Asher accepted but was to regret.



He and his papa spent hours the next day looking for Izabella. And hours the next day too.

On the walk home that day, Asher couldn’t bring himself to speak to Papa. It was left to Papa to sit him down on a bench near their block and tell him that perhaps they weren’t going to find Izabella.

“No!” Asher shouted. “We’ll find her. She must be somewhere in this sector. She must!”

His papa nodded in support. “The thing is, Asher, I can see this girl still means a lot to you, but there comes a point where—”

“I won’t stop looking for her. I won’t.”

Papa sighed. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

It was the first time Asher had heard someone else put his feelings into words. He was confused, unable to answer.

“That’s to say,” his papa continued, “do you still think about her every waking minute? Do you get breathless at the sight of her and also breathless at the thought of never seeing her again?”

“I don’t think she wants to see me,” Asher said after a long silence. “But I still don’t think I can live until I know she’s safe. That’s all I want.”

Papa stood. “In that case, we’ll carry on searching tomorrow. Now come, we need to eat.”