Between Shades of Gray(50)

“Lina, calm yourself!” said Mother. “Slow down.”

“They’re taking us away. Andrius said so,” I panted.

“Maybe we’re going home,” said Jonas.

“Exactly!” said Mother. “Maybe we’re going someplace better.”

“Maybe we’re going to be with Papa,” said Jonas.

“Mother, we haven’t signed. You didn’t see the look on Andrius’s face,” I said.

“Where is Andrius?” asked Jonas.

“I don’t know,” I said. “He’s not on the list.”

Mother left the shack to find Andrius and Mrs. Rimas. I paced the floor.

The floorboards creaked, complaining of Papa’s pacing.

“Sweden is preferable,” said Mother.

“It’s not possible,” explained Papa. “Germany is their only choice.”

“Kostas, we have to help,” said Mother.

“We are helping. They’ll take a train to Poland, and we’ll arrange passage to Germany from there.”

“And the papers?” asked Mother.

“Arranged.”

“I would feel better if it were Sweden,” said Mother.

“It cannot be. It’s Germany.”

“Who’s going to Germany?” I yelled from the dining room.

Silence.

“Lina, I didn’t know you were in here,” said Mother, coming out of the kitchen.

“I’m doing my homework.”

“A colleague of your father’s is going to Germany,” said Mother.

“I’ll be back for dinner.” Papa kissed Mother on the cheek and rushed out the back door.



News of the impending move burned through the camp like a spark riding gasoline. People dashed in and out of huts. Speculations flew. Stories changed each minute. Others cropped up the next. Someone claimed additional NKVD had arrived in camp. Someone else said they saw a group of NKVD loading their rifles. No one knew the truth.

Ulyushka threw open the door of the shack. She spoke to Jonas and quickly exited.

“She’s looking for Mother,” said Jonas.

“Does she know something?” I asked.

Miss Grybas ran into our shack. “Where is your mother?” she asked.

“She went to find Andrius and Mrs. Rimas,” I said.

“Mrs. Rimas is with us. Bring your mother to the bald man’s shack.”

We waited. I didn’t know what to do. Should I put everything in my suitcase? Were we really leaving? Could Jonas be right? Could we be going home? We hadn’t signed. I couldn’t shake the image of concern on Andrius’s face when he told me we were on the list. How did he know we were on it? How did he know he wasn’t?

Mother returned. People stood elbow-to-elbow in the bald man’s shack. The volume grew as we entered.

“Shh,” said the man who wound his watch. “Everyone, please sit down. Let’s hear from Elena.”

“It’s true,” said Mother. “There is a list and there is word of moving people.”

“How did Andrius find out about it?” asked Jonas.

“Mrs. Arvydas received some information.” Mother looked away. “I don’t know how she came by it. I am on the list. So are my children. Mrs. Rimas is on the list. Miss Grybas, you are not on the list. That’s all I know.”

People quickly began asking if they were on the list.

“Stop your yapping. She said that’s all she knows,” said the bald man.

“Interesting,” said the man who wound his watch. “Miss Grybas is not on the list. She hasn’t signed. So it’s not just those who refuse to sign.”

“Please,” choked Miss Grybas, “don’t leave me here.”

“Quit blubbering. We don’t know what’s happening yet,” said the bald man.

I tried to find the pattern. How were they sorting us for the impending move? But there wasn’t a pattern. Stalin’s psychology of terror seemed to rely on never knowing what to expect.

“We must be prepared,” said Mr. Lukas, winding his watch. “Think of the journey we had in coming here. We’re not nearly as strong. If we are to face that journey again, we must be prepared.”

“You don’t think they’ll put us back in the train cars, do you?” gasped Mrs. Rimas. A wave of cries rippled through the group.

How could we be prepared? None of us had food. We were malnourished, weak. We had sold nearly all of our valuables.

“If it is true, and I am not leaving, I will sign the papers,” announced Miss Grybas.

“No! You mustn’t!” I said.

“Stop,” said Mrs. Rimas. “You’re not thinking clearly.”

“I’m thinking very clearly,” said Miss Grybas, sniffing back tears. “If you and Elena are gone, I will be nearly alone. If I sign, they will allow me to teach the children in the camp. Even if my Russian is poor, I can still teach. And if I’m alone, I’ll need to have access to the village. They’ll grant access only if I sign. That way, I can continue writing letters for all of us. It must be done.”

“Let’s not make any decisions yet,” said Mother, patting Miss Grybas’s hands.