Between Hello and Goodbye(54)

All the things I lacked.

Slow down, Freud. Let’s not be dramatic.

But two weeks in Kauai with my beautiful firefighter somehow scrambled my DNA—I hardly recognized myself and found I was examining my life as if it were the quartz prism around my neck, turning it over and over and seeing things differently. Feeling them differently. Or maybe letting myself feel them for the first time.

“It’s all Asher’s fault,” I muttered and smiled sweetly at a passing colleague.

We don’t think about him at work, I reminded myself as I approached Terrance’s office. That’s likely why I was everyone’s favorite Employee of the Month—working my ass off until I passed out every night was the only way to keep from thinking about Asher Mackey.

Or touching myself to the memories of his body moving over and inside mine.

Or crying over him…

Nope! Not going there.

I knocked loudly on my boss’s door, then peeked my head in. Judging by his beaming smile that looked like a permanent fixture, I guessed Jess was right.

“Faith.” Terry shook his head, and I could hear the rough cut of my ad running on his desktop monitor. “Come, sit.”

“Turned out pretty good, right?”

“Pretty good?” My boss chuckled and shut off the ad. “This has Clio Awards written all over it. Josh Johnson—remember him? Zuma’s tightwad exec VP? He wants to throw a party in your honor.”

“Glad they like it.”

Terrance’s smile slipped. “You okay?” Before I could answer, he waved a hand. “You’re exhausted, and I don’t blame you. I know how hard you’ve been working on this, Faith, and I have to say, any and all hesitation about making you partner has evaporated. I don’t know what happened to you in…Tahiti?”

“Hawaii,” I said. “Kauai, Hawaii.”

“Right. Whatever happened there…I like it.”

Asher Mackey happened.

I nearly closed my eyes at the sudden pang in my heart for how much I missed my firefighter. Over the last two months, we’d tried to keep whatever we had alive with texts and phone calls, but it wasn’t working. Not being with him, not touching and kissing him, not seeing that adorable furrow in his brow when he was grumpy…it had taken a toll.

I didn’t think it’d be this hard.

Terrance sat back, laced his fingers over his Armani suit front. “So what do you say? Partner? It’s just sitting here, waiting for you.”

“It’s a generous offer, but—”

“I think you’re primed, Faith,” Terrance cut in. “You don’t have the burden of family obligations to weigh you down at this particular juncture in your career. I feel like I can give you every major account we have, and you’ll fly with it.”

“Right,” I said slowly, reading between the lines. “Because I’m so unattached.”

I had nothing tying me to anything, but if I made partner, I’d be tied to the agency. To Seattle. That was another annoying aspect to come out of Kauai. Seeing Asher’s beautiful family—one he and his brother made from scratch—was like shining a light on my own empty spaces. The relationship with my parents was nonexistent; I had no one to come home to…

Terrance frowned. “Do you still need to think about it?”

“What does Cynthia think?” I blurted. The agency’s other partner had been out of town again, this time in London, but suddenly, I really wanted to hear a boss-lady’s perspective. Cynthia Cross had a husband and three kids. Sounded like she had plenty of “family obligations” and still managed to make it work.

“She’s on board, of course.” Terrance held up a hand. “Go home. Get some rest. Come back on Monday and we’ll talk.”

I nodded and rose from the office. At the door, Terry’s stopped me.

“An award-winner, Faith.” He pointed at his monitor. “Mark my words.”

I smiled thinly and headed out. I sent Jess home and sat at my desk in my huge, empty office. Twilight was falling outside the massive windows, bathing Seattle in hues of orange and purple. Spires and towers of concrete as far as the eye could see. The urge to call Asher and hear his voice was overpowering. But a few days ago, he’d been called to the Big Island to deal with an erupting volcano.

I’d made an ad for snow pants.

He wins.

But Asher’s imagined voice followed on the heels of the thought, scolding me gently for being too hard on myself. For not giving myself enough credit for what I’d created. My win at my job wasn’t life or death, but it wasn’t nothing. I wanted to celebrate. Just a little.

Silas was on the East Coast on business, but it was Friday night. Viv was—or had been—always down to hang out, even if things between us had been strained lately. I grabbed my phone and sent a text.

Hey, Viv. I finished the ad. Could use some company, I sent and added a few celebratory emojis.

I waited with my breath held. After returning to Seattle, we’d texted a few times, but they’d been tense and short. Viv still hadn’t forgiven me for skipping town without telling her. My work didn’t interest her in the slightest either, so she was constantly pissy with me that I’d been too busy to resume our normal nocturnal activities. But I couldn’t afford to lose work time to a hangover and wasn’t about to hook up with any man not named Asher Mackey.